Seriously. I’m 18 and just moved out this summer. The amount of people acting like creeps in public was insane at first. Now that I’ve been on testosterone for a while and started passing as male in public, it’s been happening significantly less often. (Not never, but much less frequent).

I try to keep an eye out and be the helpful bystander in bad situations, and any advice on that would be appreciated. Stay safe out there, lemmings <3


Honestly? Call the police and don’t get personally involved.

People in the 21st century seem to have forgotten the damage one human being can do to another. With respect to your life choices, you still have the body of an 18 year old girl and pretty much any average male over the age of 16 would be able to overpower you without much effort.


Fair point! I definitely wouldn’t try to physically overpower someone; in addition to what you pointed out, I have a musculoskeletal condition that makes me pretty weak lol. I do appreciate you pointing that out though since I wasn’t all that specific in the question.

Calling the police really is probably the only thing to do. I just hate feeling helpless watching stuff happen to people, y’know? But yeah, anything else would probably just make s bad situation worse. 🤷


I just hate feeling helpless watching stuff happen to people

Becoming an additional victim does not help anybody. In fact, quite the opposite is true. It might divert attention from the original victim and even delay help.

Standing and watching is not the same as calling for help. By being an observant bystander and relaying important information to the relevant people you are making yourself invaluable. You can tell the police exactly what is happening, where, by whom, descriptions of people involved, and then if willing be an independent witness in the case. This could be especially important in things such as domestic violence where the victim refuses to cooperate with Police, yet an independent witness can secure a prosecution


Image Transcription: Twitter Post

Mary Kobayashi, @MaryKoCo

Girls actually text each other like, “I’m meeting a guy allegedly named Brian here 📌If he murders me here’s his Bumble pic so he can be brought to justice” and then the reply’s like “You got it girl - have fun tonight! 😘😜”

anarchy79, (edited )
@anarchy79@lemmy.world avatar

I think that the best two emotions is greed and competition, because that’s what science says are the best and most adaptible ones and the other ones are useless, and some I don’t understand, even others ones, the other ones are either bad, cost too much + they don’t make sense and they dont work on women unlike money


edit: Oh did I mention by the way that I am also a bigot and racist? I know it’s not relevant, but there you go.


What are you on about? First you’re calling competition an emotion, then you’re claiming “science” has declared certain emotions “better and more adaptible”. Can you try to explain your point again when you’re sober?


I don’t think that’s how science works

Cracks_InTheWalls, (edited )
@Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works avatar

Edit: Pretty sure someone was just having fun on Lemmy while drinking/high, after viewing the user’s post right before this one. As it doesn’t seem like a good faith position I withdraw my questions.

Hope you had a good time, dude!


Date at a random strangers house? No way, unsafe! Going over to random strangers house to pick up a cheap Louis Vutton? Aww yeah!

I’m just saying, the predators probably mostly use easier ways to lure a victim than going through the trouble to find a date.


Sounds like something a Tinder murderer would say




I personally don’t know any women who have ever gone to someone’s house to purchase something. You meet in a well lit public place during the day, just like any sane person. Women do face threats to their health and safety when going out with strange men. It seems you’re under the impression that murder is what we are trying to avoid when it’s much much more common that women are raped and/or drugged on dates. Although avoiding murder is also a top priority but that’s a given for literally everyone on the planet.

@Syldon@feddit.uk avatar

We sold a double strollor in the mid nineties. I was at home alone when the girl turned up to buy it on her own. It was raining so she came in to look at it. I never really thought about it the time. I was just happy that something was not going to waste at the time.

Those Buggies cost an arm and a leg now.


I personally don’t know any women who have ever gone to someone’s house to purchase something.

My wife and I sell things all the time online (Kijiji or FB market), and I’d say that women probably come 75% of the time.

We do meet in the driveway, but they often come to our door when they don’t read our instructions. Never inside, although, I’ve been invited inside homes before when picking stuff up.

High value items often require meeting in a public place, but guys will come to the house for those, too. In those cases, I’ll only do it during the day, and with at least three security cameras rolling and another person with me (wife, son, etc.).

No seller is going to leave their house to meet someone for a $10 item, even though people do ask for free delivery on low value items all the time😂

You do have to be sensible when buying stuff through online local markets. Check reviews on the person, check to see how long they’ve been on the platform, and what kind of items they have sale. I’ll ignore buyers who have new accounts and no previous interactions.


If I’m selling something online I don’t want them coming to my house. I don’t like people to know my address and the stuff that I have.

For example, if I’m selling a graphics card, it doesn’t take a genius to work out I probably have a quite a high spec (and recently upgraded) gaming PC. No point giving them the address as well.


I do agree. It depends on what’s being sold, and who’s asking. My address only gets sent by phone text message and all higher value items ($1000+) have the provision that we meet at a local police station.

The only shady people I’ve ever met are the ones who want me to go their place. 😂


I’ve had lots of women come pick up plates/glasses when I got rid of my excess. Weirdest was a 155cm tall Asian woman who was at most 40kg. She took a 15kg box of assorted plates & cups and headed to the nearest bus stop. 😅


So basically, “stay sexy and don’t get murdered.”


@bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de avatar

I sent my wife to pick up a laptop the other day. With a ton of cash in her pocket. To the worst part of town. To the worst building in that neighbourhood.

She said the guy was nice and that she gave him some tips on where to move once his contract was up.

@Syldon@feddit.uk avatar

I have seen a couple of girls looking stuck and helped them out. I made sure they took a picture of the reg and passed it on. To me it makes sense, increasing the chances of someone being found out makes them less likely to be a danger.

My pet hate is realising I am walking behind some girl who has started looking nervous. There is very little you can do to alleviate it. If you slow down it looks suspicious, and they don’t want you near them so it is hard to walk past to get in front. It is a price most men face because of other people misgivings.


The worst bit when this happens is that they walk so unbelievably slowly. So I end up catching up with them.


I always pass them and greet them politely, it’s an immediate tension relief


Politely greeting, not historically moaning


I work in retail and I find myself constantly ending up going in the same direction of a customer

After like less then a minute of seemingly following a person I just straight up stop for a bit or turn around

@Syldon@feddit.uk avatar

I have found so many rat runs through estates. When the traffic is bad and you see cars veering off. I often have followed the cars that look like they are heading in my direction. I have never ended up on a stranger’s drive way yet.


I had a retail job in college and a customer once accused me of following them around the store.

I had a cart with returned items I was putting back on the shelves…

Some people are just up their own ass, but I must assume she had a bad experience at one point in her life to be that paranoid.


i mean if you really want to ameliorate that - Stop and tie your shoelace, or adjust your sock like it’s slipped into your shoe or something.

Then look around to get your bearings and pause for a minute. Check your phone or something.

This is assuming you are also keeping yourself safe and such activities won’t inspire a mugging of your own personage.

@Syldon@feddit.uk avatar

No, I am saying that veering from the action of simply walking as you normally would is viewed with suspicion, because they have no idea where you have gone. Dropping further back and moving out of view, only to find you come back into view later on, can make somebody who feels threatened even more so. There is no correct action to alleviate the issue.

I should also that this is not a situation I find myself in these days. I don’t work shifts anymore, so rarely find that I am walking home in the dark. It was something that was quite common in my younger days. Mainly due to where I lived at the time and the fact I was not a car driver.


Ah, the good old “stop, act as if there was a good reason for that, and casually look around to see if there are any witnesses” of the rapist/thief preparing to pounce.

Or at least, that’s how it might very well be read by somebody already afraid and getting a bit paranoid because some guy has been walking behind her for the last couple of blocks.

The best way to not act suspicious is to not act at all - unless you’re a great actor, doing a mini-performance instead of just keep on doing your thing normally will just feel somehow off to most people.

Ideally, IMHO, just ignore that person altogether, as any reaction, even just accelerating your step to pass that person because you’re trying to be nice and not seem to be following her, might be noticed (from the sound of the footsteps) and increase a person’s paranoia.


you’d have to be an anime protagonist for a crouching position to be a benefit if attempting to pursue and subdue someone. What are they, charging their ki for a kamehameha?


You’re being overspecific in your mind about the physicallity of my use of “pounce”.

I meant “pounce” in the sense of initiating the sequence of actions of an attack (say, get up, run and pull somebody’s purse) not in the sense as a the physicallity of a tiger pounce.

That said, this mismatch of impressions nicelly illustrates how you can’t to assume that the person on the other side thinks the same as you: you really can’t presume that somebody else feeling a bit scared and paranoid by your footsteps that sound like somebody following her has taken the time to ponder on what the best moves for a thief are, and reached the same conclusion as you that stopping, tying your shoelaces and looking around isn’t at all what a thief would do to simulate not being a thief.

@joel_feila@lemmy.world avatar

its actually surprise sex no jutsu


👹 😂


I once went on a date with a girl and when I got to the bar there were four of her friends at the table! They left once they made sure I wasn’t a murderer.


How did they make sure you were not a murderer though? You didn’t murder her instantly in the restaurant in front of them and tjat was good enough for them.


One of them had access to the NCIC and they figured five v one was good odds

/This is a joke, I hope.


It’s those new Kiroshi optics with access to the NCPD database, if they run in to a ne’er do well, they know what they ne’er done well.


Well, I guess it was because I looked just like the pictures I sent her and was calm and polite.

@riskable@programming.dev avatar

One of her friends used the immortal eye on him and saw that he had zero sin.


That would probably make for a pretty boring date though


He had to pass an interview obviously.


I actually had a girl take a picture of me while I was driving specifically for that purpose when I picked her up for our first date. She told me “I just need to send my friend your picture in case you murder me.” Lol


so, did you?


Well he couldn’t then could he?


I don’t see her here posting a comment…


Shhhh! I never got cau-… Errr… Nothing to see here!

xantoxis, (edited )

Honestly be way better to take a picture of the vehicle plate, then she doesn’t even have to make you aware of it, and the plate is in a database, unlike your face. On top of that, she can use a police procedure that exists for making vehicle stops: touch the side of your car with a bare hand, leaving prints on the finish for forensics.

Or, IDK, maybe she did all of the above

Edit: Now that I think about it, making you aware of it might actually be part of the plan. If you were going to murder her, you might just cut the date off early instead, saving her some time and a murder


I hope you sighed deeply and then said “well, guess I have to murder your friend now too”.


Yeah, if they find that funny or not would be an easy way to check for compatibility


I have a close friend who when I first met I asked out and she rejected me. Now when she goes on a date and texts me something like “hope he’s not a serial killer”, and I text her back “oh is that a dealbreaker for you? Guess we never would have worked anyway”


tf is bumble?


Depression simulator


The self-esteem mutilator


Dating app


It’s a dating app where women have to send the first message, except usually they don’t and the match expires with nothing happening.

bionicjoey, (edited )

To be fair, that’s a good thing. It creates a natural filter. If they weren’t going to put in that bare minimum effort of saying “hi” on an app where everyone using it is aware that the women have to message first, they probably weren’t going to be any good as a date.


My friend and I just share our phone locations with eachother whenever one of us has a date with someone new. It makes everything dead simple. I can check at any time and see that they are not in a dumpster behind the Aldi.


That’s very comforting until it’s not.


Well, the phone isn’t


What if that’s where they go to get freaky though?


So I googled cheapest date possible and it suggested that Aldi throw out a lot of good food. So…

@Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

based and recyclingpilled

seriously, stores will just throw away perfectly good food. best before dates are made up and a tin of spaghetti-o’s is so filled with preservatives that it would probably outlive most of us, and it’s not magically tainted by being in a dumpster.

i’m never going to do it myself but props to people who raid dumpsters for perfectly edible stuff.

@riskable@programming.dev avatar

Must’ve been a REALLY bad first impression if your phone is showing you home this whole time…


I’m crying. I had to read this aloud to my gf 😂


And then some creep follows you 'cuz whatever app you’re using to share the location is crap at handling user data 😬

@joel_feila@lemmy.world avatar

I got the first victim, and her phone lead to the second. What a deal


It’s about finding the sweet spot for being murder-y. You want to be just murder-y enough to be interesting and mysterious, but no so much that there’s actual fear for their lives. OTOH, being not murder-y at all is boring and unfuckable. The dude with the man bun writing poetry about birds is not getting the date in the first place. Meanwhile, “probably not a murderer but I can’t rule it out” is heading back to their place for a nightcap.


^ how to say you don’t talk to many women without actually saying you don’t talk to many women.


He talks to many women. They just don’t want him to

@Bunnylux@lemmy.world avatar

? The dude with a man bun writing poetry is fucking me, another dude, and another lady. At once.


I met man-bun bird-poetry on bumble and married him.


With my experience with dating sites if I was into murdering random internet strangers I don’t think I’d use dating sites to acquire targets, the amount of legwork would be unreasonable, it’s almost impossible to get anyone to talk to on those things.

How am I supposed to lure potential victims to my kill dungeon if they ghost me all the time? Seriously it’s a problem.



Seriously. Post a pic of some Air Jordans on Craigslist, you’ll get the victims.


Air Jordans!? Which isolated location would you like to meet at?

@riskable@programming.dev avatar

The air, duh!


Found a pro.


Its seems you already killed them in conversation how else would they ghost you /joke


I mean, it pays off for some. Worked for that guy in… New Zealand, I think it was?

I’m sure it works better if you’re attractive and have higher rates of getting matches though.


It’s because it’s fatalistic ‘humor’. If they actually believed there was a good chance of being murdered they wouldn’t go out.


Not true. It’s a risk analysis. The risk may be high, but some women still think the potential benefit is worth it.

It’s why so many people still play the lottery.


But the risk isn’t high. Sure, it happens, but for any arbitrary person the chance to be murdered on a date is pretty much 0.


So… it’s the same chances as winning the lottery then.


The risk is high in consequences, not frequency.

Besides, murder isn’t the only risk, you know.


It’s partly fatalistic humor, partly practical. There is risk in the situation to everyone involved, but it’s way higher for women. You inform people of the circumstances of the date to increase your safety.

Letting someone else know your whereabouts is good defensive thinking. Wrapping the real need to do it in humor is a way to remove some of the sting from the truth of why youre doing it.


Interestingly, it’s only defensive thinking if you also let your date know that someone else knows your exact location.


Its still defensive because if you go missing, there is a known suspect, time and location.

Wont help if he chokes you to death in a nearby car, but if you’re kidnapped, it gives police or competent parties a chance to find you.


If they wouldn’t go out because of the chances of being murdered they would never go anywhere.


I believe they didn’t mean it THAT literally

@DharmaCurious@startrek.website avatar

As a gay man, this is also pretty common. I have a friend who knows if I ever get laid, specifically because he’s my emergency “if I’m murdered here’s what to tell the people” person.


Came here to say the same thing as a gay man.


To be fair, as a man, I’ve also done this when I was about to meet a girl. In case I get jumped or something. You never know with internet strangers.


I’ve met many internet strangers before, and I’ve never had an experience like that bbefore. That said, I also generally meet strangers in public places, so nothing happens.


Movie gangsters have it right, first date in a well lit diner with huge windows, and your hand in a paper bag on the table.

ech, (edited )

“Is that a sawed off shotgun or are you just happy to see me? ;)”


Good rule of thumb for any meeting where you might end up in a non-public space.

If you’re just doing a buy/sell thing, you can count on doing the entire exchange in a public space. If you’re meeting someone for a date, you might end up in a more secluded setting. It doesn’t happen as much around where I live, but I’ve read stories of it happening in other parts of the world

@Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works avatar
@teft@startrek.website avatar

So you just gotta put a different name and picture on your bumble profile and then you can get away with murder scott free right?


If you pass along the profile screenshot, the police could reach out to Bumble for the details. Dating apps have an incentive to boot bad users off their platform, and a murder-y one would be bad for business


Damn, you mean if I murder a girl, I might get kicked off off bumble? It’s just not worth it.


You could always move to Tinder!


I’ve already been kicked off Tinder! Don’t ask why.

@joel_feila@lemmy.world avatar

not if the site is thirtyforakilling.com

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