@SpicyAnt@mander.xyz avatar

“In November I had received two letters from Teachers’ Pensions asking me euphemistically if I was dead,”

I am curious about how one euphemistically asks someone if they are dead. Any guess?

@Hamartiogonic@sopuli.xyz avatar
  • Is anybody there?
  • No.
  • Ok, that’s good. For a moment I thought there could be a could be a stabby knife murderer hiding in the closet.
  • Nope, there’s no one here.

You can guess how the story ends…


Mocking Query: Coorta, Coorta, are you dead yet?

vrojak avatar

"I thought you had died of old age."
"Died? No. Became stronger? Yes."

@RobotToaster@mander.xyz avatar

We are writing to enquire as to the current status of your mitochondria.


They continue to be the powerhouse of the cell


Mighty Mitochondria


Dear Mrs McGrath,

Are you napping or are you taking “the big sleep”?

Sincerely, The teachers pension



  • Loading...
  • Jerb322,
    @Jerb322@lemmy.world avatar

    Check box, yes or no…


    “Hey Sanka! You dead?”

    @Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world avatar

    “Naah maaan!”


    Did you recently (or less recently) stop breathing for more than 10 minutes, and if so, are you or not a professional freediver?


    Fuck you, you ol’ bitch! We aren’t fallin for that again. With your walking around and being live. You’re dead.

    @Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

    Just because you walk around doesn’t mean you’re alive. For all we know you’re a zombie.


    Can you prove you’re not a zombie?

    @Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

    Is a demilich technically a zombie? 🤔


    I mean, with respect, has anyone confirmed that she isn’t Chuck Grassley?


    Nope! Chuck Testa.


    Wow now there’s a flashback


    Well, I guess here response should be to forward all her bills to the pension administrator, such as mortgage, utilities, groceries, petro, etc. If she’s dead, then why should be paying for items that only the “living” enjoys?

    @Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca avatar

    For some reason the attendant at the gas station wouldn’t accept my pension managers phone number as payment… Maybe the cashier at wallmart will be more understanding.


    Previous comment said forward the bills, not invoice the pension manager


    I keep getting letters/bills/credit cards from banks, insurance, all sorts, for people who used to live here but moved away more than five years ago. I was sending them back with Not at this address / Return to sender written on them, but they’re still arriving.

    Once I started writing Deceased - Return to sender, I stopped getting letters for people who no longer live here.

    AITA? Could this be my fault?

    JCreazy, (edited )

    No I have the same thing happen to me. I moved into a new house about 2 and 1/2 years ago and I still receive mail from a previous owner and not even the last owner like four owners ago. I was writing return to sender, not at address but they just kept coming. Maybe if I start writing deceased they’ll get the hints to stop sending them and then if that messes things up for the person that’s supposed to be getting the mail, they should have had their address change when they moved so it’s their responsibility.


    I just throw it away. It’s been 7 years, so that’s on the previous owners if it’s something important.

    @pankkake@lemmy.world avatar

    I believe in the States it’s considered a federal crime to throw someone else’s mail away. It’s probably a crime in other countries too.


    Oh well, I’m going to keep doing it anyway. If it was one year I’d handle it differently, but it’s been 7.


    I’ve been living in my house for 26 years and we still occasionally get mail for previous residents.


    I’m still getting their fucking medication. Lazy ass boomers.

    jkmooney avatar
    @jackpot@lemmy.ml avatar

    wait, is the title wrong? the provider thinks she IS dead right?


    They refuse to believe her statement "I'm not dead". The title is kind of convoluted, but not wrong.


    After the Guardian queried the process, the DfE said it would make an exception and decouple McGrath’s name from the deceased’s so that she would not be contacted about it again.

    “We’re not gonna stop doing this to anyone else, just this one woman who went to the news.”

    @Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

    Nothing hobnail boots and hat pins can’t fix.


    There are always three. The Mother, the Maiden, and the… other one.


    At least until the last time, then you need an alternative note.

    (It’s also a discworld reference, for those who are confused)


    For anyone in th UK who has just read the pensions are administered by Capita, this is no fucking surprise.

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