That should be really easy to do for most men.


Yes, but not men who would gatekeep random strangers.


Yeah obviously since they are strangers, you could just name 5 random traditionally female names.

Sonia Relleno Nancy Spicoli Jennifer Constantine Laura Palmer Edith June


… Laura Palmer

Wait a second!


She’s dead! But what year is it?


She’s dead!

Wrapped in plastic!

@Obi@sopuli.xyz avatar

A little bit of Erica by my side.


Yes, but most men wouldn’t ask that question.


Does this still happen? The last time this happened to me I think I was about 9 and they couldn’t have been much older. I think I was wearing a 311 shirt. And that was in like 1993 when ‘poser’ was just about the meanest thing you could call someone.


Works both ways


I get it, but honest question… why wear a shirt for a band you hardly know?

@Cris_Color@lemmy.world avatar

Mine are hand me downs from my older brother 🤷 also they’re comfy shirts with good designs


Fair enough, though I would probably give you a light ribbing lol. If I see someone wearing a shirt for a band I love, I am definitely going to ask their favorite album because I actually want to know. I see them as conversation starters and it’s really exciting to me when I think I’ve found someone I have something in common with. It’s really hard to find people I relate to and it’s such a letdown when I realize I was wrong.

@Cris_Color@lemmy.world avatar

That makes sense, I think it’s how you ask that counts. Sounds like you just wanna make friends and chat with folks :)

My fav is a Nirvana shirt my brother passed down to me. I don’t know much of their music but there was a really good video essay I enjoyed on how Polly uses the perspective of someone committing a heinous act to get you to better empathize with the victim, so I’m a big fan of Polly now, its a cool piece of art. (Content warning, the song is about sexual abuse)

Pretty much my only other exposure to Nirvana is from listening to Weird Al’s parody of smells like teen spirit and then going and comparing it to the original 😅 but the shirt is comfy and oversized, and the fabric is well worn and soft with a cool design :)


Because Niall or Liam or whoever wore it


I’m gonna keep it real, I think the post is about you


This is so cringe.


Name five women who trust you.


I can think of like 20 off the top of my head. I’m not going to break their trust by putting names here.


This is fun. Ok so my daughters, wife, two coworkers, and about 4 friends off the top of my head. Cool, what did I win?


I’m not sure I know 5 people I trust outside of family members.


I only trust one person and no one on my family.


I’m not sure I know 5 people…

@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Yeah, having sponsored women gamers in the gaming community, but am otherwise a recluse, I know three women who aren’t family. Though family also includes wife and stepdaughters.

I strive to be trustworthy, though it’s risky to leave fresh baked goods near me unattended for very long. (There have been incidents.) But even when I’m on good terms with wifey friends, I can’t say they trust me.


A bit nonsequitur isn’t it? What’s the statement supposed to mean “you wouldn’t trust me even if I told you?”


It means the guy is a douchebag.


The advice guy or the rude questions guy? Because I just feel like saying nothing and making confused eyebrow prolonged eye contact would be a bigger own than saying something stupid in response.


Would it be so hard to not shame other people for liking a band but maybe not knowing their entire discography, regardless of your or their (perceived) gender?


Decades of wearing band t-shirts and not even once that happened to me (even at a concert). Men don’t ask that kind of questions to each other, which means it’s only used to antagonise women.

DriftinGrifter, (edited )

Men don’t ask women that either ops larping

Edit: large amounts of comments stand me corrected. the social circles i move in howrver habe never had this happen


Oh, I must have hallucinated all those times it happened to me, then! Thank fuck you were here to set me straight, my little woman brain must have just gotten all hysterical for no reason.


The comment you replied to didn’t target you in any way, why word it like that?


Wasn’t the implication that if OP was larping, then any woman making that claim was not to be taken seriously?


I think the implication was this doesn’t happen very often whether it be male or female. If it’s happened to you multiple times, that’s fair, I just don’t see it as an attack on females. I sure as shit don’t give a fuck what band tee anyone wears, a cool tee shirt is a cool tee shirt.


F e m a l e s


They said males too so they’re not being sexist.


Sure, bro.


Alright, explain how saying males and females is sexist. I’ll wait.


Ah, you want me to debate you, bro?



If they think I’m being sexist, leave them to their ignorance. I couldn’t have made it more blatantly obvious that I have respect for anyone regardless of gender unless I have a valid reason not to respect someone. This whole thread is a little silly tbh, I miss the days of civil conversation.


Yes this washoew it was implied im sorry i dient make my statements clearer


It absolutely is an attack on “fake fan” women and girls. The men who do this want to be able to act superior and smug. They want to prove that a woman couldn’t really like or understand “Specific Niche (or even not really) Thing That Has Mostly Male Fans” cause women don’t have Superior Logic like men do. Thus, any woman who claims to be a fan of Said Specific Niche Thing is lying to make men think she is “cool”, and oh boy, do they love to catch women in a lie.

As a lifelong nerd and musician, I have been challenged in this way more times than I can count, and it absofuckinglutely is because I look femme. They didn’t ask the guy friend right next to me what the entire backstory of Halo is, or whether he could name any character besides Master Chief and Cortana, even though we were both wearing Halo swag. They didn’t question why my husband was at a Coheed and Cambria concert, but felt the need to literally breathe down my neck while asking if I really knew the narrative order of the albums. And so on and so on and so on, from the age of 13 when I went to my first fucking rock concert and my first fucking anime con. Literally over 20 years of this shit now, and they Don’t. Do. It. To. Men. They just fucking don’t.

And in case you can’t tell, it gets really old and really annoying to be told over and over again that this doesn’t happen, that we’re making shit up, that “they’re just trying to be friendly, why can’t you just humor them?” If you got harassed about your hobbies day in and day out for over 20 years, you’d probably get pretty fucking sick of it, too.


I was in no was justifying it or condoning it. I was merely trying to reiterate OPs comment in a more understandable way. As someone who does get ridiculed constantly for my hobbies, yeah I understand, don’t worry. Once again I am only yearning for the days of civil conversation and not everything being offensive or a fight. No part of me ever downplays the severity of sexism against any gender, and I am actively in the fight against it.


But the point is, the implication that “it doesn’t happen very often” is wrong. It happens literally all the time, and trying to act like it doesn’t is downplaying the severity of sexism against women. So you questioned why I responded to the initial post the way I did? It’s because they were implying that this doesn’t happen, so I sarcastically said, ‘oh good, I must have imagined it’ to point out how fucking absurd it is for a man to claim this doesn’t happen to women and femme coded people. And in your other comment you flat out said you didn’t think it was an attack on women, which again is wrong. This is a thing that insecure and angry men perpetuate explicitly as an attack against women in what they see as “their spaces”. Again downplaying the inherent sexism in the act.

My response to you served as your answer for “why I responded that way”: because this shit inundates women every day and we’re constantly told it’s not happening, or at least not at the rate we say it is. And that shit gets fucking old. So how else should I respond to yet another clueless numpty claiming my experiences didn’t happen? Should I coddle him and tell him it’s ok, he’s right and the world is actually roses and daisies and everyone who says otherwise is “larping”? Should I play the patient mommy and lead him along gently hoping he’ll eventually come to the conclusion that he was wrong? Yeah, sorry, after 20+ years most of us don’t have that kind of patience anymore. Ridicule seems to work better anyway because when we’re too kind we just get ignored 🤷🏻‍♀️


This is not an argument I’m willing to have. If it were a discussion and not generalization maybe I’d participate. I genuinely hope you do good in life and will continue what I do to break the male stereotype. Have a good night.


Sorry I hurt your fee fees by not telling you what a good ally you are for… checks… Thinking that it’s ok to imply women are making things up 😂


No, you are literally incapable of holding a conversation without projecting or generalization. No matter what you identify as, I don’t have time for that behavior.


How are your tube grubs?

@Vampiric_Luma@lemmy.ca avatar

Unfortunately I’ve watched my guy friend do this to his gf and then followed it up by shutting her down when she didn’t answer immediately.


I’ve had a similar exchange happen twice. The first, I was asked to name songs from the band’s earlier albums (i.e. songs that hadn’t been played at the gig). The other time, it wasn’t asked as a question, but like “I bet you couldn’t even name [arbitrary number] of their songs”.

It definitely happens, and besides those specific instances, I’ve had countless gatekeepy comments that allude to me only [wearing band t-shirt/having video game pins/patches on my bag/being at a gig] to pick up guys because obviously I’m a massively slutty succubus who only haa hobbies to help me find prey.


Are they so incel they don’t want girls to pick them up? I don’t even understand their logic here.


It’s such a weird accusation anyway because even if it were true, I’m not sure how wearing a gaming pin makes you more attractive but whatever, that would mean that it works in which case they shouldn’t care.


It’s such a weird accusation anyway because even if it were true, I’m not sure how wearing a gaming pin makes you more attractive but whatever, that would mean that it works in which case they shouldn’t care.

Not to defend those kind of guys, but narcissistic women do exist and do stuff like that to get attention from communities that dont have a lot of women in it. And there are people that do the same so they can make money from cosplay modelling or Only Fans.


In a mind of an incel that’s the ONLY kind of women who go to this type of communities.


These kinds of comments tend to come from guys who say they wish that they could get a girlfriend with the same interests as them. Their poor self worth makes them hyper-fixate on acquiring a romantic or sexual relationship, and it’s easier to blame their lack of success here on there not being any women who share their interests than to recognise they’re being assholes (and that you don’t need perfect overlap in interests with a partner).

So a nerdy pin on my bag, often to them, it does make me more attractive, because there I am, the mythical species they’ve been hunting for, the nerdy, big tiddy goth gf that would solve all their problems. Except people like me are used to assholes like this and have little patience for them, which raises the question: if women who share their hobbies exist, and reject them, what does this say about their previous cope-lie that they told themselves?

But that’s a difficult question to face, so it’s easier to reduce me down to a sexual object and get angry at me for being an infiltrator. I must be, because otherwise why would women within their hobby be so averse to interacting with them?


Oof, there is so many leaps of logic that you better stretch before reading.

According those men, women only have romance in their minds. So if they are showing interest in [male dominated subject] is because she wants to stand out by ”not being like the other girls". Even if it were true, surely it should be be the guys’responsibility to not hit on girls that shows them the slightest bit of attention, right? Of course not, guys can’t be held responsible over their own sexual urges! So its the evil woman’s fault for seducing the men by simply existing, and causeing them to fight amongst each other for her attention. She must be excluded for the sake of keeping the fandom healthy!

: /


I don’t mean this as a damning counterpoint but I can think of at least one occasion: www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqK-i6KSY88



  • Loading...
  • ChickenLadyLovesLife,

    It’s the adult version of hitting a girl in the shoulder at the playground and then running away.


    Honestly, it being a way for this type of man to condescend and control is more likely, IMO.


    The real irony is that if you change the question just a bit, it can be used for flirting:

    Oh, you like that band? Cool, which songs do you like? You don’t know any? Girl, let me tell you, they’re awesome! What’s your name?


    Well fuck. I can only name 3 non family women I trust. Then again I can only name one man that I trust and that’s including family. Guess I’m old and jaded.


    I imagine this is pretty normal for most men older than college age.


    When the band is newly formed and has only released a 3 song EP thus far: 😫

    @uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    I have a bad habit of quoting lyrics and expecting everyone to know what I’m talking about.

    It’s a sea of blank faces.

    Also having been trained in design, I think it’s appropriate to wear well-designed logos or shirts, even if the product advertised is shoddy.


    Terrible advice. If men like that really exist in the real world I wouldn’t suggest antagonising them. My advice to anyone is to learn how to say “I’m sorry I don’t speak -native language- “ in a non-native language. So much of my life has been improved and enriched by looking blankly at people and saying: “lo siento, pero no hablo inglés” and walking away…


    until you run into the rare polyglot bigot


    “Uh, what I meant to say was, nihongoga wikari miwasuka?”


    It’s ok, ignore them - you won’t understand what they’re shouting at you anyway as they follow you down the street as, remember, no hablas inglés.


    i never heard about a polyglot bigot, maybe people lertitg other languages open their mind?, or i am biased?


    “Nombre cinco de sus canciones.”


    I think its great to have a range of options when confronted with a situation like that. If someone wants to antagonize someone for gatekeeping, all power to them and if they want to just get out of the situation with the least amount of trouble, then the same.

    Being able to respond to situations in multiple ways instead of just one gives people real autonomy and can feel really empowering.


    You’re not wrong, in general - but if the type of men mentioned in the post exist i.e. grown adults who are prepared to confront young women / girls specifically about their musical choices - I wouldn’t recommend antagonising them. An idiot is indeed an idiot but a male idiot with his feelings hurt by “a mere female” can become so much worse that I couldn’t, in all consciousness, recommend engaging with them in this very specific scenario.

    Da_Boom, (edited )
    @Da_Boom@iusearchlinux.fyi avatar
    1. My mum,
    2. my grandma (dad’s side)
    3. My granny (mum’s side)
    4. my auntie on my mum’s side,
    5. my aunties twin (also my auntie on my mum’s side)
    6. my auntie (on my dad’s side)
    7. my other auntie (on my dad’s side),
    8. my 3rd auntie (also on my dad’s side)

    Wait that’s eight women who trust me. Still counts.

    clark, (edited )
    @clark@midwest.social avatar

    Anybody that’s non-family?

    Edit: no?

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