108beads

@108beads@lemm.ee

I started on Beehaw, moved to Lemm.ee, and am now moving to LemmyWorld (all as 108beads). The reason is technical issues with what tools are allowed to me for modding tasks. The communities I mod are on LemmyWorld, so my account needs to be on LemmyWorld.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

108beads,

Well—could be any one of a number of things. Article clearly states (and I’ll second) that this isn’t a comprehensive checklist that points only to dementia.

I’m not going to say what else it might be, as there are so many possibilities. That could generate a raft of options for a total hypochondriac meltdown set of things to worry about.

I will add that partner’s medical & psych team ran through a whole bunch of other options, and none of the obvious meds, counseling, physical tests seemed to help or point anywhere else.

It’s a list to pursue seriously with healthcare providers, though.

108beads,

Been there, done that. I probably had Covid twice, but one seemed asymptomatic. (Fully vaxxed each time.) The first time, had only a household member with Covid and some low blood-oxygen readings. The second time, felt like a bad case of flu, tested positive.

Covid seemed to linger for a longer time than most other viral infections I’ve had. Low energy, draggy, for a good month or two after I was physically “recovered.” That I needed to self-quarantine, and my inability to get basic ADLs (activities of daily living) done efficiently contributed to feelings of depression. There was probably also a physiological Covid-related component to my feeling overall “down” as well.

It will pass, eventually (fingers crossed). It just seemed to take longer than run-of-the-mill illnesses. Be gentle with yourself.

108beads,

Welcome to for-profit healthcare in America. It’s no longer about your health. It’s about their profits. (But—muh freedomz!)

What advice would you give a young adult about to move out?

I am asking this question because the young adult in question, is me. I am to move out in a few years, and it feels impossible to move far away from my hometown (which I want). I have no idea how to juggle both finances, a job, and the move itself. With the global inflation going on, it feels impossible getting hold of a decent...

108beads,

And for heaven’s sake, start an investment retirement account now. Yeah, I know, “but I’m not making enough, but there’s that shiny thing in the (online) store window, but I’m never going to get old.” Just allot one take-out coffee’s worth of spare change per week. You can up the ante later. Let the miracle of compound interest do its thing.

108beads,

Can’t do tech very well, but give me needle, thread, and I can mend! Nobody does that anymore, either.

108beads,

It sounds like you may be feeling very self-conscious about interactions. It took me a long time to learn, but much of the time (I’ve come to realize), “they ain’t studying on me.” Like—other people aren’t scrutinizing me or judging me as much as I think they are.

Plenty of people are so wrapped up up in their own heads that they aren’t paying you any attention, perhaps not realizing how you are reading their responses to you.

Maybe it’s just me getting older, but “when I am an old woman, I shall wear purple.” If others think I’m dressed weird or acting oddly—what of it? I don’t need (and can’t have) everyone’s approval. Sure—there are limits; I don’t want to endanger myself or others, or provoke hostility. I don’t want to be mean to anyone.

If you make overtures of friendship and kindness and are turned away, that says a lot more about others than it does about you.

108beads,

There are a number of resources pinned on this community for those in need of extra help.

Update on me

I’m sorry I’ve been not available for a few weeks. My mom became increasingly unable to eat her food properly over the last few months, and as we hit September, started to refuse food or drinks of all kinds. This was not unexpected as her Huntington’s Disease progressed, but it really threw me emotionally when her nursing...

108beads,

Much love, sympathy, condolences. I know this was very hard for & on you. Thank you for sharing the update; we are honored.

108beads,

I’ve read about a variation of this and do it faithfully! Except you have to be driving under an overpass with train tracks, and there has to be a (preferably moving) train on the tracks above you. The idea is that when you press your hand to the car’s ceiling, you get to send a wish to hitch a ride on the train going by above you. The moving train takes your wish along with it, giving it quicker travels, more exposure to the world, and thus more opportunities to be fulfilled.

108beads,

I hear this! Mine now tries to snuggle up by shoving his butt toward my face, and draping his tail across my mouth.

108beads,

Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. And if they do? Bite them back!

108beads,

Sorry, absolutely no clue—like at least 30-40 years ago.

108beads,

Absolutely! Toasted, with ketchup!

Feeling Cold, Anxious and Apathetic maybe

I had two months to make an application, I spent all of summer in my room on my bed, with the occasional psych-appointment (on the rare chance I didn’t cancel). So because it’s quite urgent that I submit this, my mind is shutting down, feeling sleepy despite sleeping all day, locked in my room, it’s quite warm but I feel...

108beads,

I read your post a couple of hours ago, and thought about it–and I’m so glad you’ve been able to make some moves toward resolution.

One thing I keep thinking about, which you may not have had a chance to address: what is so troubling about the application?

Does it lead you to activities you don’t want to perform? That is, if your application is accepted, and you complete the tasks that you’ve applied for, will you be happy, satisfied, fulfilled during and after those activities? Perhaps you have some deep sense that you don’t want to go where this application takes you. Or perhaps your stumbling block is fear of failing at the tasks once you are admitted. Perhaps even your subconscious resistance is symbolic–it’s a next step in growing up, moving on to the next phase of your life, and that brings all sorts of uncertainties, worries, opportunities to experience problems.

In any event, I think you’ve found one key to getting through the mental block: you broke the cycle by doing something (anything!) that breaks the pattern–getting out for a walk and a tram ride. Hooray!

Another key, I think, is that you mention missing doses of medication. Psych meds can do strange things to the mind, and sometimes (as you point out) the body/mind needs to adjust and ride out the change. Skipping doses can make you “think things you’re not really thinking”–can shift brain chemistry in ways that make you believe the mental states are arising internally, when in fact they are chemically induced. Skipping doses can play havoc with your mental state. If the meds aren’t working, or seem to be creating more problems than they solve, by all means ask your psych for a change–but it’s not helpful to change the schedule of dosing just because you feel (or don’t feel) like doing so.

108beads,

I’m so glad you took the time to update! It sounds like, although it was an unpleasant experience, you made good use of it by figuring out what was behind the feelings, what was motivating your downward spiral, and what you can do to help yourself get back on track.

I know it’s easier said than done, and something I struggle with too—but don’t let the perfect become the enemy of the good. As in, maybe you’ll try and not get it absolutely perfect. But doing a “good enough” job is sometimes (often?) better than doing nothing at all. We all make mistakes, even with the best of intentions and effort. But the only real “failure” is screwing up, and not learning anything from it. I think it was Einstein who said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.”

Thank you for asking how I’m doing! Well—muddling through. Sitting in a nursing home with my partner who has Alzheimer’s, where I visit her every day. Not what I wanted for my retirement. I try to look for good things, small things. She still knows who I am, and we still love each other. I’m comfortable financially. I’m going to see my friends in church tomorrow; hopefully, the meditation class I’ll be teaching will go over well. Trying to get motivated to mow the yard!

Be well, my friend, and take good care of yourself. We all have ups and downs; give yourself what you need to pick yourself up again.

It's a new month! How was everyone's August?

I can’t believe September has crept up on us already! I went on a road trip with my husband and my best friend a few weeks ago. The car ride was 10 hours long. I can’t drive anymore, so hubby has to do all of it. I had to put many pillows around and behind me, and also ban air conditioning in the car unless the internal...

108beads,

From my (unwritten, mostly mental) gratitude journal:

My partner has Alzheimer’s, and is in a nursing home. Can’t walk, feed herself, needs more care than I can personally supply or round up for home-care.

But: I am grateful she still recognizes me, knows that I love her dearly, and can carry on a basic, simple conversation. I am grateful her nursing home’s union negotiated a new contract with pay- and staffing-level increases. I am grateful that her wing has a new unit manager who seems more able to do the hard work of keeping the cats (aides & patients both) herded. I am grateful I have the ability to visit daily. I am grateful for those who support me IRL and online.

108beads, (edited )

Paying someone a simple, spur of the moment compliment, when they seem pretty happy already—and then realizing from the expression on the recipient’s face that it really meant a whole lot more to them than you thought it would.

And to hear those children laughing, and a bunch of other stuff to cheer you up: www.peptoc.net/hotline. (Free “warm line” with pre-recorded messages—from kids!)

108beads,

First—wow. You’re living an incredibly full life. You’re meeting the situation you’re in by working two jobs; looking toward the future with the university degree. You have an admirably balanced portfolio of purposeful avocational activities to meet spiritual, physical and social needs. You’ve thought out and researched how mind and body work.

But I find myself wondering: “But when do you dream?” I’m not referring to sleep-dreaming. Rather, I’m thinking of something more like meditation—where the mind is either not engaged in purposeful activitiy, or is engaged in activity that is so rote, so engrained as automatic, that the subconscious is free to make its own associations that (for lack of a better descriptor) allow it to connect the dots from what seem to be disparate experiences.

I’m a (retired) academic. You mention you’re progressing further in university studies. You don’t describe it as onerous in terms of literal time commitments: absorbing material, completing tasks that assess subject mastery.

My experience has been that intensive intellectual processing seems to drain some sort of subconscious reservoir, which then demands to be replenished. If I do not give this process its due, eventually I become a gibbering idiot; for lack of a better term, I think of it as “brain-lock.” If I try to push through, I make stupid mistakes. Like the day I woke up, cleaned my contact lenses like I had done for some 20 years, and tried to pop them in my eyes using the soap solution instead of the wetting solution. I burned my eyes so badly I had to take the day off. (No long-term harm—just serious ouch.)

Another consideration: You don’t say how old you are; some details you mention suggest you’re beyond early 20s. Specifics aren’t particularly important. I’m old enough to be retired. So here’s the point: as we age, the balance of body-mind-spirit components we need will change. I find that I need more “free-range” mental/emotional time to recover from stressful situations. Perhaps that is also so for you.

I don’t know what components you may want or need to shift in your schedule. But since you’ve asked what’s going on, I’ve offered my best guess on what you might need to assemble your own answer.

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