@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Meander1995

@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw

28 (7/19/1995). ADHD/Autism diagnosed since I was a small child. Lover of music, film, literature, video games, etc; Double major (Creative Writing and English Literature) University of Evansville Class of 2018

Also known as "Meander" on The Algorythms Podcast.

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Meander1995, to KindActions
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Again, don't like doing this. But better safe than sorry.

I've been dragging my feet at taking the walk to grabbing my official pills because I'm a paranoid fuck about getting slapped with a co-pay I can't afford. So better safe than sorry.

Even though I'm on Medicaid now, I wouldn't put that shit past a pharmacy at this point. Remember when I got slapped with a $70 co-pay when I got 'official' HRT?

Hopefully, I can quit doing this begging sooner rather than later, but that'd require me getting hired.

https://www.venmo.com/u/adrienne-harper-115

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that thanks to the help of TeaHRT and @SleepyCatten , I have my spare coming to me. Crisis averted. I'm also meeting with a new, Medicaid-approved psychiatrist and therapist that'll be needed for the bad news.

The bad news? This morning, my mom passed away at the age of 60 due to complications of lung cancer. She was fighting via chemo on-and-off for the past five years. But about a-week-&-a-half ago, it reached the point where she sought at-home hospice. Me and my siblings were caretakers and assisted the hospice nurses as mom deteriorated more rapidly than expected.

I'm an emotional wreck right now. Thank the-deity-of-your-choice for dogs giving me support in this trying time.

.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

@JoscelynTransient @SleepyCatten Oh, my three doggos right now are pretty much tethering me to reality at this point. They know something is wrong, but don't have the words to express exactly WHAT.

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Welp, my bank account is low. (I caved into ordering DoorDash to 'eat away the pain' and have to stop doing that) and I can't order the I need to wait out the Planned Parenthood appointment.

I know it sounds petty, but it is still a cause for

https://www.venmo.com/u/adrienne-harper-115

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I don't like doing this, but it may need to be done. My E supply is running low (7 doses left) and I can't locate another source of E locally that can last until I get my Medicaid letter in the mail. So it is time for money to afford a her estrogen.

I'm working on getting a job and have had plenty of interviews, but just haven't gotten hired yet.

https://www.venmo.com/u/adrienne-harper-115

Meander1995, to Indiana
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

It has come to my attention that a major anti-trans bill is being discussed in my home-state of . I want anyone who can protest this bill to do so.

The very fact that this bill is being talked about is having me consider moving to at some point in the future. The only reason I am not doing so this instant is that I'm waiting for a degree of financial stability. Because if this passes, I'm likely going to have to go back to until I'm able to move one state west (I'm not moving further as I wish to stay close to my supportive family).

https://truthout.org/articles/indiana-gop-bill-end-legal-recognition-for-trans-residents/

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I'm at the point where is absolutely my reality and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Anyone else's attempts at a 'girl' voice end up lapsing into a faux-British accent without even thinking? It wasn't exactly what I'm going for, but I kinda like it.

Meander1995, to Podcast
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

So I'm at the point where I'm pretty aggressively promoting the across various avenues of social media.

Even (reluctantly) used that bluebird hellsite. Probably the only reason I still occassionally bother with it.

Also, while one of my co-hosts is taking a trip to Japan, me and Duke (my other co-host) plan on doing a short episode. Either a punk act (The Clash; 6 albums) or a hip-hop act (Beastie Boys; 8 albums). Ideally, I would have Run-DMC or Public Enemy as a first hip-hop act, but as the co-host that is on the Japan trip is a fan of both of them, it'd be a dick move to do it while he's away.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar
Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Also, the of mine has concluded. I know what I did wrong last time and I followed the instructions closely this time.

It is done. And if I still get rejected or have a problem there, I'm just going to say "Fuck it" and continue . Bio kids would be neat, but there are other ways to have children (if I want them in 10-15 years) if bio kids just aren't in the cards.

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I listened to my body when I realized that I am . So that serve me well.

I made my decision. I'm going to go full-speed ahead on transition.
But as soon as I the GoFundMe pays me out, I am buying a Legacy kit. And if all goes well, it'll take less than one week from today.

It's a gamble, but I'll see if I still produce viable sperm when the kit arrives. And after the preparations, I'll walk down about 15-20 minutes to the post office with the mail-order package. Then I walk back home.

This will be the first time I take a long walk in femme attire. But it's also walking down to around the area of a Planet Fitness. So if I can do this well, I can hit a gym and make this a habit.

If it turns out I am non-viable, I won't care. I'll take it as a sign it wasn't meant to be. And I can still adopt, step-parent, or use a partner's frozen sperm (if I date ).

I can't handle trying to hold back transition anymore.

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Now I'm like the so much that I'm wondering --in theory--that if I called the sperm bank in the morning for a meeting in a couple of weeks at most, would I still have viable sperm if I took regular HRT?

Or would it depend on stuff like the dosages or taking it every other day instead of every day?

Meander1995, to transgender
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I looked up the initial cost of freezing sperm at my local clinics. The more I think of it, the more that I want to be able to start a family with someone someday 10-15 years down the road--directly if my partner is a cis woman or with a surrogate if my partner is another . Sure, adoption is awesome and I'd still love an adopted child like my own, but I'd choose to have at least one bio kid if I can.

That is where you come in: I'm asking for your help. I'd rather do this now than come off HRT at any point later down the road to achieve this.

https://www.venmo.com/u/adrienne-harper-115

https://www.paypal.me/AdrienneHarper7

https://gofund.me/b6cfe272

Meander1995, to TransJoy
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

The best thing about this Facebook group of local ? I probably will end up being more outgoing enough that I'll end up meeting many of them IRL.

The thought of which gives me like you wouldn't believe. It feels like a giant (fem)love-fest.

I'm a bubbly gay puddle any minute now.

Meander1995, to queer
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I'm drafting up a looooooong message to mom explaining the mechanics of the whole situation since it is a lot to remember for casual conversation and order. I've been through a lot this month.

And at the end of it, I'll be linking multiple informative trans-related essays and an excerpt of The Gender Dysphoria Bible.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

The whole thing is almost done. I gave definitions of HRT, gender euphoria, and gender dysphoria. I also went a step-by-step process of the two-pronged method I used to obtain . I also told of why I used the Venmo + PayPal thing to begin with and gave insight into just how well-prepared I was in this.

I also ask "Would any cis person go to this level of preparation on order to change their gender?" Then answer is no.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I finished it. Was going to send it to her while she was taking a nap, but she woke up right as I finished it.

I might go fuck it and send it anyway.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Aaaaaand it is sent while she's out doing yard work like mowing the lawn.

Meander1995, to queer
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Getting added to a Facebook group chat of trans women in my local area. Oh gurl, my baby heart might just explode.

Edit: Oh, the person running it is offering to give me clothes she no longer needs before she moves to New York!

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I'll have 2 dates I consider my "transiversary." The 1st is the sudden egg crack (7/11/2023) when I slipped on a dress for the first time. The 2nd is when I take my first pill. If all goes well with the shipment (ie, doesn't get stuck in customs), I will begin my in 7 days.

This is the next step. I've socially transitioned, am out and loved by my family & friends, have felt the sheer of being able to freely love your friends platonically as a woman, untangled myself out of the web of both cisgenderism and attraction to men (which was weak even when I was "cis het"), started gently nudging my aging mother away from the she still sometimes uses out of a 28-year-habit, and see the beauty of transitioning more and more each day.

As of yesterday, I can say that being is the best thing that has happened to me.

Meander1995, to trans
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

I normally don't like doing this at all, but when I made the payment for the shipment, my bank account comes up short and there's not enough money to pay my insurance this month. Insurance that I will need for appointments and paying for the legit way in the future.

So below is my venmo account for anyone who wants to donate to help me fund my insurance payments for this month. I was originally thinking "This isn't as severe as helping trans women move to a less-hostile environment," but then I realized that that was impostor syndrome talking. And that if you need help, you need help.

To anyone that will say "Get a job," I'm working on it via talking with job coaches. The process is slow, but steady. Hopefully, I will not have to do this again.

https://www.venmo.com/u/Adrienne-Harper-115

paypal.me/AdrienneHarper7

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

Mom is being a paranoid fuck right now and completely ignorant of what is required for care. I should've known better than to put the Venmo account for the donations because mom pays $200 a month in the insurance--and she can see what gets donated on that page.

She now thinks I'm selling my ADHD meds for money for a sex change operation.

I'm going to have to do a long talk to her to explain this whole mess. And talk to her about the concepts of HRT, , the international pharmacy, and everything she doesn't know.

Then mom has the audacity to say "It's time to learn to move the fuck out. You have got your priorities screwed up. You need to focus on getting a job first. You think they're going to hire you wearing THAT? pointing at my dress "

I got a long talk ahead that could've been saved had I not put the Venmo link.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

But that Facebook group of local transfemmes? When I told them about this, one of them offered to personally drive to my house and show them what someone on long-term HRT looks like.

That is based as fuck.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

@JoscelynTransient I think it is part ignorance about anything trans-related and part that she has slowly become a bitter shell of herself that refuses to go to therapy out of stubbornness since dad passed away about 3.5 years ago.

I'm potentially drafting up a letter of what I want to say to her, teaching her what my plan is, informing her of trans terminology along the way. Also giving her articles to read. At least she's an avid reader.

Meander1995,
@Meander1995@chaosfem.tw avatar

@JoscelynTransient That's the idea. And there is so much to explain here that good luck remembering and structuring it all in one go.

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