@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

begrudging_recluse

@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca

Chronically ill. In isolation (in Belgium) to avoid covid. #WearAMask

Besides bonding over pandemic tragedy, I sometimes talk about books, radical leftism, collapse, language learning, history, nature, veganism, video games and other (niche) interests.

I don't always have the spoons to reply. Bear with me, I really appreciate your comments and conversations. 💙

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

anniegreens, to random
@anniegreens@disabled.social avatar

I saw this a couple days ago & I have been dreaming & reliving my time with this illness in school, how horribly I was treated by family, friends, neighbors, teachers, coaches, doctors. How hard it was to be a child. To go through my teenage years. To have hopes, dreams, talents you are exploring & good at, to have it wasted and be punished for something that isn't even your fault. I'm so sad recently at all the time I've lost & how bleak things still look today.

https://disabled.social/@tomkindlon/112148192055371494

begrudging_recluse,
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

@anniegreens Feeling this one very, very much.

IPEdmonton, to random
@IPEdmonton@mstdn.ca avatar

If you are one of the Fedizens who helped me figure out which new Apple laptop I should buy (sometime last fall), thank you so much! I’ve been using it for a few days now, and it’s soooo much speedier and more powerful than my last one.

begrudging_recluse,
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

@IPEdmonton The only things many professors give their students is a little bit of knowledge and a lot of trauma, so I think a bad laptop is a massive improvement on that. 😂

agathachristieandcoffee, to random
@agathachristieandcoffee@zeroes.ca avatar

Does anyone else grieve not being able to fit in while out in public anymore? I’m glad my mask keeps me safe but I go through periods of wishing to blend in.

begrudging_recluse,
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

@agathachristieandcoffee Even before the pandemic I was bad at that, but it's definitely something my partner misses very strongly. He often explains how he just wishes to be invisible like he was in the before times, just another person passing by somewhere. It's become utterly impossible because we're always a public attraction anywhere, the only ones with masks, stares galore. He grieves it a lot.

rybson, to random
@rybson@todon.eu avatar

This is the first time I saw this individual. So it seems that, if my calculations are correct, there are at least 7 different cats living around this area. Could be more.

begrudging_recluse,
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

@rybson Cute. 🐈 I've spotted two different ones in my neighborhood so far. One fully white one, who always loves to sit as a loaf on the same broken tile. The other is white/orange/black and is often exploring around, getting into weird spots.

ContraindiKate, to random
@ContraindiKate@disabled.social avatar

ContraindiKate Inc. Quarterly Report Q1 2024:

This quarter, our whole team has been pursuing our goal of Radical Rest with ruthless inefficiency. By leveraging industry-leading Mobility Aid technology we have outperformed on a number of key metrics including Tachycardia Reduction and Total Supine Time. Our employees have broken a world record for Slowness at Breakfast and received an award for Excellence in the Contemplation of Trees.

begrudging_recluse,
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

@ContraindiKate Hm-mm, hm-mm taps fingers mm-mm, I see. The shareholders will be pleased. I'll be sure to offer this report to their bedside table along with a timely investment of spoons and more blankets.

3TomatoesShort, to random
@3TomatoesShort@disabled.social avatar

I am not going to read The Article because we already know that vanishingly few abled people have informed, useful thoughts on disabled people's lives and issues 🤷🏼‍♀️

begrudging_recluse,
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

@3TomatoesShort Same. Let others be shocked by how lacking the love the disabled get from ableds is, I'm sad enough I'm looking away thank you. 😬

subjacentish, to random
@subjacentish@zeroes.ca avatar

Happy Covidversary!🥳 🥳

My Covid Tally:

I have Raynaud's & some further kind of undiagnosable vagus problem.

Wife had severe ovarian problems, nearly died from bleeding (~18 iron transfusions), was thought to have cancer, developed heart nodules & cardiac problems, developed Celiac. (42 yo)

My grandmother died from it.

My uncle died from sudden lung cancer after Covid #2.

Friend died from sudden lung cancer after Covid #3. (30yrs old, w/ small child).

2nd Cousin died officially from Covid.

Good friend's father & mother died from Covid.

Good friend's grandfather died from Covid.

Aunt has lost her lower backbone & feet to significantly worsened diabetes. (Kidney & Endocrine failure)

Friend developed sudden diabetes and pancreatic failure (post 2x covid). Is now housebound.

Parents (see previous post).

Neighbor has had 2x heart attacks, working on a third.

Other neighbor has had 1x heart attack, lung fibrosis, severe falls, and has lost 3 family members.

3 other family friends have died suddenly after Covid (<50 yo).

I know of 2 former co-workers who died.

A lot of people don't tell me about their health now, because of me being CovidWhacko. So I expect it's actually much worse than this.

But anyway - Happy Covidversary! Yay!

Here's to 4 more years of.... this.🍷

begrudging_recluse,
@begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar
seachanger, to random
@seachanger@alaskan.social avatar

deleted_by_author

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  • begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @seachanger And so many more elections to go this year. 😭

    PacificNic, to random
    @PacificNic@zeroes.ca avatar

    4 years today. Officially entering year 5.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar
    lhgmk2, to random
    @lhgmk2@mas.to avatar

    Every generation suffers it's mass consumption of grand deceit, and every generation believes itself immune, too enlightened to be seduced. Mistaking history for a prophetic ability. Deceit, I find, merely has to find a contemporary nuance, and the masses caress the new veneer of lies, as if it were a newfound map of lands ripe for exploration. As if it harboured surprises.

    A constant tedious hubris of humanity. It's vulnerability to tiny variations on a theme, a fetish for entitlement.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @lhgmk2 @IPEdmonton I too think you'd enjoy it!

    lhgmk2, to random
    @lhgmk2@mas.to avatar

    Thank god there's an international woman's day. Everything will be fixed for them by tomorrow then.

    Can't wait for well-travelled pangolins day.

    Everything is so easy under oligarchy, I find a day just makes all the fucking difference. Raising awareness, all that, stellar results. Gazan women will be starving right now cuddling the corpse of a child, but um....

    Yeah.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @lhgmk2 Fortunately some issues get an awareness month instead of an awareness day, so they're 30x as solved. Isn't that how it works? :holdthepain:

    subjacentish, to random
    @subjacentish@zeroes.ca avatar

    What I'm wearing: A black KN95

    What Convoy people apparently see:

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @subjacentish

    What I'm wearing: a white FFP3 that looks like a KF94 mask.

    People reacting like I'm looking like this:

    (PS the Wasteland games have some very, very cool gas masks)

    IPEdmonton, to random
    @IPEdmonton@mstdn.ca avatar

    If (like me) you closely follow three urban areas within your own country and also four other countries altogether on a day-to-day basis, two things are clear: a) life has gotten a whole lot shittier very quickly absolutely everywhere, and b) almost everyone universally attributes that to things happening locally and local government decisions. It’s fascinating and frustrating.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @IPEdmonton What confuses me even more, is that access to other regions has become so much easier with the internet, and access to other people's everyday lives and thoughts even more so with social media.

    When I read letters and diaries of the previous century, I'm always so surprised by how these people try to listen to radio shows from other countries, and how they import newspapers and learn to read them and then have correspondences all over the continent. They understand global trends, or at least ones connected to all neighboring countries. It's most likely part bias -these are the kind of people who write diaries, letters, memoirs that will remain, but it might also partially be a difference in attitude throughout the times? I'm not sure.

    It's so much easier now to have a tiny window into anywhere, even with just one language. I don't understand why people put such tiny regional limits on their conclusions about anything.

    PacificNic, to random
    @PacificNic@zeroes.ca avatar

    Normalize asking the COVID-cavalier if you can have their stuff when they die.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @PacificNic It's funny but it's true. I got my hands on a treasure last week for really cheap because someone in the town passed away. I've been browsing the village's online platform where people sell/offer the stuff and there are GEMS to be found. Really sorry to the people passing away, but I'm really enjoying your old items. :moomin_yay:

    (Have I become a ghoul? Who knows. At the very least a ghoul with some very good second hand items)

    begrudging_recluse, to random
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    I don't have any fond memories of the early pandemic days.

    I still remember clearly, within one week of shit getting bad in Europe, the Dutch prime minister appearing in a national speech on television to tell the population to keep calm and let themselves get infected gradually for the sake of herd immunity.

    My blood ran cold.

    I called my parents, trying to convince them to not take that speech seriously, to stay at home, to avoid infection. They were already in doubt. Why would the government lie to them? Then I called my former best friend, ranting about how nuts that speech was. She too was already in doubt.

    I knew then that I had already lost them, and that things would only get worse.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    I went online and people were discussing when it would be their turn to get infected. Not too early of course, no need to put more pressure on the healthcare system, but eventually it would be their turn for the sake of the world. Yes, a percentage of people would die, but that's only natural, isn't it? Worth the sacrifice for herd immunity.

    I went outside and people kept telling me to not be bothered, only the elderly, disabled and chronically ill were dropping as flies. This wouldn't get that bad for 'regular' people.

    I went to university and everyone refused to mask and refused to follow any other guidelines. I went to the guidance office for disabled people to ask for disease protection, and they declined me, because they said covid couldn't hurt young people. I had to argue for an hour with my professor to get him to mask in meetings during active mask mandates.

    My fear. My anger. How could I control them? They consumed me. I started to unravel.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    My studies continued online and suddenly it was very clear that accessible technology could be used after all, but only if the abled needed it. It infuriated me.

    Every professor and every student complained every second of every day that they had to do things online and at home. They secretly met at university buildings without proper disease control. They started having secret parties at night.

    I was exploding from anger, how ungrateful they were, how irresponsible and cruel and selfish. How could I stand being around them?

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    White collar jobs went the work from home route, but blue collar jobs continued, often without any protections, and people got sick over and over and over and over and over again. How to stop crying for them?

    Final-year medicine and nurse students were called to the hospitals to help treat patients instead of continuing their studies, with a promise of graduating early with 'field experience'. They got sick over and over again. I was often around the local hospital and looking at all these traumatized, dead-tired people in their early 20s brought me so much sadness.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    The government offered subsidies to certain industries, but massive amounts of companies saw it as an opportunity and gathered subsidies unfairly, once again grabbing wealth and removing it from those in need. Meanwhile people who'd fallen seriously ill and who couldn't work anymore, could barely receive a measly amount of money to survive.

    The government never relied on decent science. Masks don't work. Masks only work for the other person, not the person wearing them. Actually, masks work, here is a free fabric one. Oops, the fabric masks we handed out accidentally contain toxic chemicals, so don't use them! Think of something yourself! Good luck out there!

    Abandoned already on day 1 and it never got better. Still not after 4 years.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @IPEdmonton I get it 100%. I'm still not over that mourning. How could the NL not be part of me forever? But still, at that moment they cut some sort of invisible cord that they could never repair ever again, not even if they tried.

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @IPEdmonton Those days would've been so much better knowing other covid-resisters.

    But maybe we couldn't all know each other yet then, we were still too busy waiting around and seeing what the US would do, right? 😉

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @MisuseCase Yes, completely, and Sweden too, my god.

    seachanger, to random
    @seachanger@alaskan.social avatar

    the reason we couldn’t be honest about Covid and act accordingly is that would have meant we needed to take care of poor or vulnerable people and there is a bipartisan embargo on that

    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @IPEdmonton I admire your patience to still try to explain this. 😂

    dpaldrich, to random
    begrudging_recluse,
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    @PacificNic tagging you in this post because I saw it and for some reason thought you'd find it particularly funny 🦖

    begrudging_recluse, to random
    @begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca avatar

    The nerds giveth and the tech bros taketh away. 😢

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