Man who spent three years screaming “Lock Her Up!” suddenly against the criminalisation of politicians (newsthump.com)
Fictional alien time travellers can’t be black, insist morons (newsthump.com)
Woke, Woke, Woke, Snowflake, Cancel Culture, Woke, insists Lee Anderson (newsthump.com)
Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to women’s safety’ to defending Russell Brand as ‘no threat to women’s safety’ (newsthump.com)
Man decides it’s just easier to become climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers (newsthump.com)
Audi and BMW in desperate battle to release most arrogant autonomous vehicle (newsthump.com)
Why me arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users is good, but the last regime arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users was bad, by Elon Musk (newsthump.com)
This incredible millennial bought their first home just by making a packed lunch every day for a year and buying a winning lottery ticket (newsthump.com)
Judge offers to let Donald Trump attend his son’s High School graduation, if he can pick him out of a line-up (newsthump.com)
Brexiter annoyed by people pointing out that thing they were told ‘would happen’ is now ‘happening’ (newsthump.com)
HBO Max reboot of Harry Potter to reveal that Dumbledore was actually a TERF the whole time (newsthump.com)
“People are saying that I’ve betrayed them somehow, but the truth is, I’ve always been consistent,” explained Rowling in an interview to promote the TV reboot due in 2026....
‘You can’t say anything these days’ insists man saying exactly what he thinks, every single day (newsthump.com)
Perfectly good slice of bread utterly ruined by Marmite (newsthump.com)
Man who loudly demanded chocolate eggs have ‘Easter’ written on the box didn’t go to church again this year (newsthump.com)
Man who enjoys saying ‘if you don’t like it, leave!’ furious when migrants take that exact advice to come here (newsthump.com)
“Growing up in poverty never did me any harm” insists man psychologically compelled to wish similar financial hardship on others (newsthump.com)
Man screaming “Go Woke Go Broke!” at Nike seemingly unaware he is a penniless bigot (newsthump.com)
ghostarchive.org/archive/IrtoE...
Government’s plan to stop migrant boats by surrounding the UK with a floating barrier of human shit nears completion (newsthump.com)
With the government voting overwhelmingly in favour of allowing liquid human shit to pour into our rivers and into the sea, the government’s dream of creating a barrier of excrement between England’s Brexit sunlit uplands and those horrible foreigners who might harbour dreams of reaching them, draws ever closer to becoming a...
TikTok saves itself from US ban by launching a range of semi-automatic assault rifles (newsthump.com)
Saying racist things not racist, insist racists (newsthump.com)
New definition of extremism will exclude racists who give the Tories £10M, confirms Michael Gove (newsthump.com)
Unveiling the new definition, Mr Gove told the BBC, “The definition is very clear. It includes the promotion or advancement of violence, hatred or intolerance.”...
We must stop the small boats so we can take care of our own first, insists man furious that taxpayer money is being used to feed hungry schoolchildren (newsthump.com)
The small boats migrant crisis must be stopped immediately, so we can focus on helping our own people first, according to a man who lost his mind when he found out Sadiq Khan wanted to feed hungry school children at the taxpayer’s expense.
Tucker Carlson excites more controversy with sympathetic Warmaster Abaddon interview (newsthump.com)
North Face launches new range of gravy-proof clothing for the ‘indoorsy type’ (newsthump.com)
Government to replace HS2 rail link to Manchester with brand new horse and cart (newsthump.com)
