How do you call your partner in group sex?
Sexu-ally
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to donors as they leave?
“Thanks for coming!”
Did you hear about the optometry professor that was fired for inappropriate behavior?
He got caught dilating his pupils.
I didn't mean it when I said I eat underwear.
It was just thong in cheek.
Apple recently introduced a testicles replacement that they make out of human eyes
The call the new product “iBalls”
What does tofu and a dildo have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in the divorce court.
“Mickey”, the judge says, “I’m sorry. I can’t grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me.”...
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it’s cheaper.
My grandma was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and she keeps calling me by the wrong name.
Other than that, the sex is great.
Did you know the military has terrible labor relations?
Every so often, some of their missiles do a strike, but when that happens, they’re just fired and replaced with new ones.
An old lady at Tesco’s asked me if I could see the least busy checkout, for her to use.
I noticed the line at the end of the row of checkouts looked ok, so I pointed to it and said far queue....
Giving up smoking is apparently the best thing you can do for your health
Therefore I’m going to start smoking, so I’m then able to do just that
poor monkey
Lol, a man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. Monkey jumps on the bar, grabs a cracker and eats it. Then monkey grabs a lemon and eats that too. Finally monkey jumps on the pool table, grabs the q ball and eats that. Bartender says “hey, your monkey ate the q ball”. The guy responds " he eats everything". The guy pays his...
what did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip!
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s sack?
A white Christmas.
Why did the Tunesian chef get fired?
A customer complained about harissament
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep....
the thermometer
A nurse found a rectal thermometer in her pockets....
The three mice joke.
I just heard this one from a robotic voice on YouTube…I’ll make up all the details....
What did the egg say to the pan of boiling water?
I don’t know if I can get hard - I just got laid this morning…
Today I learned diarrhea is hereditary.
It runs in your jeans.
I found this funny
A bear with no arms or legs is lying on the beach (no idea why)...
What do you call a bull masturbating out in a field?
Beef Strokin Off
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef stroking off.
What's the difference between Egypt and orphans?
Egypt has mummies