My solution to that is to write it down on my phone! So I get my phone out, fight with the unlock system to recognise me, go to the app, and completely forget what I was going to write down. Voice control helps a bit, create note blah blah blah avoids the delay and the forgetting, usually.
Ironically I have found the best way to remember something is to tell myself to forget about it, because I then have to remember the thing I need to forget about. Unfortunately, this seems to mostly work for obligations rather than stuff that is fun.
Thought pop-ups in my head, I need to research about it. I alt tab, click in search bar… and I stare dumb at the blinking cursor… mind blank. Have to catch it fast, light speed, or it’s gone.
I’ll set a alarm this time so I remember… no I don’t need to title the alarm so I remember what it’s for, no way I will forget what it’s for… 6hrs later why the fuck is my alarm going of
My memory really only seems to function properly for keeping track of large sets of complicated variables, like writing lore or designing a rule set or coding. Ask it to remember something simple and it’ll completely throw it out the window. Which, okay, it’s a pain in the ass, but I can really do that first bit in a way that I watch other people struggle with.
I may operate like a confused blob spreading in all directions, but every little piece of that work is a chunk of a bigger picture that I can see clearly. I may be flitting from task to task within that work and advancing ideas as my brain spontaneously shifts focus, but when they’re all tied to the same end result they all advance the work in an organic and automatic way.
When I let myself work that way, that’s when I really feel what Bukowski meant by “Don’t try”.
Yes, it takes me literally forever to leave the house in the morning. Sure, numbers without a specific meaning and immediate use swim around in my head like alphabet soup. Okay, I literally can barely tell the difference between one hour and six hours if I’m not using some sort of event to track the time.
But my awareness in the moment is pretty on point. I’ll catch things other people won’t. I’m great at spotting the silhouettes of animals out in the dark and I notice erratic drivers from a mile away. The same things about my memory that make me terrible at getting my day going or that make it hard for me to keep up to date with people or deal with paperwork also make me way more observant than I would be otherwise. They’re also the reason I can track these massive piles of inter-related data and not feel overwhelmed. My memory works differently, but it’s pretty useful for what I need it for.
We’re different, and sometimes it sucks. But a big part of the reason it sucks is because society isn’t built for our particular variety of human. That doesn’t mean we’re not beneficial to ourselves or our species, and it doesn’t mean we’re broken. It means we work differently and we have different capabilities.
For some people it may make sense to medicate to make it easier to keep track of things, and some people may not have or may not have found applications for the way their memory works differently; we all have to find what works for us.
But I also think that we don’t necessarily have to frame our experience of our own brains around apologizing for not being what society expects or overly pathologizing our own variation from the perceived norm.
I’m the same way. It’s as if my brain is very good at holding connected ideas and forming complex models, but hopelessly bad at holding unrelated information. Like, I can hold an entire schematic in my head all day but can’t remember a random zipcode longer than a few seconds.
I am Bipolar 1. I am currently experiencing a hypomanic episode and your statement resonates so much that I’m going to look for more resources about ADHD. Thanks for sharing your insights.
The soap in my bathtub is too big for the soap holder. I want to cut it in half. I think if it every time I’m in the bath. Then I forget. Now I’m on the toilet. Maybe I’ll remember long enough to…
I would not wish ADHD on anyone. The small amount of upsides and crisis superpowers will never be enough to make up for the daily struggle to be a functional adult. If I could be rid of it and every other mental health issue I have, I would without a second thought. Don’t get me wrong, other people understanding us helps, but it is still a curse and a burden.
ADHD has gifted me with an overwhelming drive to take on every single project and activity that comes to mind. ADHD also makes it incredibly difficult to actually do any of those projects and activities because no matter how hard I try to fight it, I will eventually need to stop and sleep.
There will always be fewer hours in the day than I need. No nueurotypicals need to be involved for it to just plain suck. If I had infinite time and resources, it would probably be awesome
Dunno about that. There’s nothing I feel “fine” with about having the working memory of a goldfish, being stuck in decision paralysis at the mere idea of taking a shower or brushing my teeth, or not being able to do anything I don’t feel like doing if there’s no urgency. No neurotypicals involved in any of that. Just my brain making my own life harder than it could be.
No, that’s nice to say but it sucks. If I could get rid of it forever I would. I’m so tired of myself all the time it’s exhausting. Imagine just cleaning the damn kitchen without ending up half buried in the closet two hours later with the half full dishwasher hanging open in the dirty kitchen. Imagine “building habits” without needing 50 timers screaming at you. Oh my god can you imagine knowing you had to do something today and just relaxing until it’s time? But nah. I gotta agonize over the time all day to make extra sure I don’t go into the TV static void and end up an hour late. It’s actually awful. I just want to function like everyone else without having to put every drop of energy I have into it 24/7. I just want to wake up and know for sure that I can get all my stuff done that day for once.
I mean some of us have become experts at not letting it disrup life as we had no choice. But my therapist says I’m all kinds of adhd she is baffled I never went to a shrink before. Nothing has to affect your life not even hallucinations and lack of short term memory. You pretend to be like every one else and smart phones do the rest.
I've had some time to think about this, and honestly at times it does disrupt my life. There are many examples in my life, which some of these memes hit really close to.
When I say I don't meet the classical medical criteria, I meant that I don't meet all of the multiple criteria necessary for a diagnosis. But some of that could just be from my upbringing. For example, I don't have the complete lack of impulse control that seems to be almost a requirement for diagnosis. I also was constantly browbeat and ridiculed for my lack of patience as a child, and had to develop ways to avoid the constant criticism. I learned patience as a coping mechanism.
I am affected by my lack of planning ability. I'll get the job done, but it'll always take longer because I didn't account for many different things. People constantly comment on that, because to them it was obvious how it should have been done and they can't understand why I just didn't do that. I try to control my budget with diligently developed spreadsheets, but it often goes off the rails because sometimes I just need to buy myself something to satisfy the itch when I'm stressed. I had serious boredom problems when I was in IT and stuck in front of a computer 8 hours a day, which might partially explain the 2-3 year layoff cycles. I loved developing code, but I hated working on the same program for more than 6 months. I also hated doing tech support with a passion, which I got stuck doing for over a decade.
I've just tried to pivot and work around things the best that I can. People have talked about it like it's living life on hard mode. But it's the only way I know how to live. It's barely holding together with Duct Tape, bubblegum, and a whole lot of hope, but I've gotten this far in life like that. My fear is that disrupting that to try to find a new path might completely tear everything apart.
Mental health is never an on/off thing, my friend. It’s a spectrum and you could potentially still be relatively high on the spectrum but not high enough for a full diagnosis. Nobody is stopping you from incorporating some more ADHD friendly techniques in your life too :)
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