Dealing with my father’s disability, poverty, living under dictatorship… You know, just the usual things. I just want people to be more compassionate, I think.
Short version: been sick in various forms for the last 4 years with leg infections, epididymitis, covid and awful fatigue. Finally got an answer this past week of low testosterone. GP is unhelpful - won’t refer me to endocrinology or urology because things will just go back to normal if I lose weight.
Long version? Eh, on request. Typing on my phone is awful.
How can random folk on the Internet help? I’ve no idea! Is anyone knows how to brow beat the NHS GP service into actually caring about their patients is love to know the secrets.
I am sorry you are experiencing this, it is so frustrating! Obligatory “I am not in the US” but what I ended up doing was to list my mom’s address as if I was still living there so I could access a different clinic with different doctors since the one I was stuck with gave me similar advice as yours. Not perfect but it kind of helped.
I’m not a religious person but clearly it is giving you support so I’m really glad to hear it.
Do you doodle? I don’t, so I used to put paper in top of comics and copy them. And then hang them on stuff like books. Today I’d do a few in my desk, laptop lid and laptop screen wallpaper. You may want to stick it to your phone? I can see that as great conversation starters with common interest.
I’ve struggled similarly over the years and had my ups and downs. One thing that has helped me is remembering that my feelings are subjective, and not necessarily reflective of reality. My view of the world is often skewed, whether by brain chemistry, various biases, or the influence of others, so I have to seek out what’s actually true in any given situation. It helps me; I hope it will help you, at least a little.
Honestly, in my experience, things get better when I exert control over what I can. I’d tell you to control what you can and go easy with the rest. Try to do better every day, really try consciously, and the struggle itself will be rewarding.
I’m rooting for you. If there is a Creator, and I believe there is, he’s rooting for you, too.
I’m emotionally in a bad place from years of emotional abuse (as a child and an adult). I struggle with ADHD, major depression, and anxiety. I’m unemployed and desperate for a career change. My marriage is in the shitter and I have no friends or family to lean on for anything. I’m all alone…
There’s no easy recipe for any of those things. But try to do things that make you happy. Music is my go to, bit there’s little tiny things everywhere if you take the time to slow and appreciate it.
If you’re into social media like most people (I’m not, besides Lenny) is being a creator instead of consumer. Try finding some joy in making a Tik Tok, and stay away from it’s feed. That’s how I’m trying to teach my son social media, because it’s a creative process instead of addiction.
Every day I go to work, come gome, sleep, etc. That’s not the issue. The issue is that every day, I fear for my kids and family. I sit and wonder what of their future? Pollution and climate change is in our face and no government entity is doing a thing about it. No corporation is budging. It was over 50F in January where it should be below zero. Should I get a survival kit? Would it help? Do I need something to grab and go? How can I teach my kids survival skills in the wild when I have no experience myself? Where will we go? How will we get clean water and food when the system shuts down? What will we eat when we are rationing fresh water and the crops are dying due to heat and sun baking?
I think people should worry about all those things, but I also think if you read the media it’s like there will be mass deaths everywhere within 5 years which is far from truth.
We as a civilization shouldn’t sit and do nothing for serious matters that will happen beyond ones lifetime.
Black Sheep - I’m the black sheep of the family for various reasons too numerous to get I into here. But suffice to say I have effectively zero contact with most of my immediate family except for my parents. My parents keep trying to force me into fitting into their own view of things, whether it be religion, antivax, etc which has put strain on the relationship when I refuse to fit their mold for me.
Forgotten - I’m forgotten by any friends/family that I do still have contact with. They rarely, if ever, reach out on their own initiative. I rarely reach out partly because I’m busy with my own stuff and simply don’t remember to do so, partly because I’m tired of always initiating, and partly because I don’t see the point, as I’ve been burned too many times before and it likely won’t last anyway.
Money - I have significant debt that I’m years away from paying off with my current budget, both due to necessary expenditures and not so necessary ones. I’m also significantly behind on my retirement savings, especially if I want to have anywhere near my current income when I retire, if I can ever afford to. Add day to day expenses and couple that with both a desire to still occasionally frivolously spend money and a strong loathing of being in debt and you have a recipe for significant stress all on its own.
Covid - I’m one of those people who has enough health concerns that I want to play it extremely safe when it comes to potentially contracting the virus. This has put a serious damper on trying to go out and meet new people.
Frankly I think its a minor miracle that I’ve managed to hold it together as well as I have.
Adult life is full of must do s and little time for want to do s. From the sound of it you’re looking for healthier better connections. It’s not easy to do group hobbies but many people seem to suggest that.
People that I love who I want to keep in my life are proving incapable of accepting who I am.
I have a lot of other friends and family, so I’m not without people to talk to, but it’s pretty hard to have your spouse and parents and priest so tell you that you need to get mental help and figure out what’s real, after you’ve been getting help and are on the road to accepting yourself…
People push themselves and others to change when their opinion is that they can do better. In this case you’re saying you’re getting help and improving but people around you seem to think it’s making things worse? Did I get it right?
Many times people disagree on a very fundamental level. The first step is you agreeing with yourself and accepting yourself, which seems to be under control.
The last step is quite often about after life considerations. Since I’m not religious, many will find my opinion over simplistic: that’s not a thing so why care. Fortunately the Pope is more progressive than their followers. The message is, taboos change over time.
People don’t usually tell other people they are confused and have a mental illness while referring to something every major medical organization in the country agrees is part of the normal pattern of variation that humans experience.
I get what you’re trying to say and I guess it’s my fault for being delicate about it, but I am trans and that doesn’t mean I’m delusional and conversion therapy wouldn’t “fix” me no matter how many priests suggest it.
Right? I once told an ex “not going to miss you, going to miss the dog though”. I was correct.
But then again, your dog had you until the end, so his world was probably pretty okay. You likely did your job well, giving him a life with you in it and he didn’t have to go through the pain of getting used to anything else. This is the contract we have with those shortlived, trusting creatures. In a stupid metaphor, we’re some sort of elves to them, but the price for our seemingly immortal lifetime is, that we are the ones that have to endure so many goodbyes. They accompany you through the years, you accompany them to the end. It’s fair and our lives are richer for it.
In my area there are local lost dog Facebook pages. Good luck! Divorce sucks, but sometimes marriage is worse. Your home should be your calm, safe space.
Trying to care for my partner with PTSD, she’s alcoholic and actively suicidal. Doctor is trying to help but mental health support has a huge waiting list (months and years). Her son, living with us, is retarded, rude, disrespectful, incompetent, and complains constantly about not being able to get a job so he can move out. (I’m not sure that he’s even employable). My ex wife kicked out my son because he and my youngest are arguing all the time and she (ex wife) can’t cope. He started moving in here but doesn’t get along with my partner so he ran away from home (he’s an adult). Now we have a room full of his stuff but don’t know where he is or whether he’s coming back.
I’m still getting over cancer treatment and l I’m so tired.
My mom was diagnosed with Ekbom Syndrom. She’s been forced into early retirement because of it, but she doesn’t have retirement, she’s pulled out from it too many times.
I’m terrified I won’t be able to support us both. I make only 62k, and I’m still paying off student loans from 20 years ago.
I wish I had other family to help me with the costs, but there’s no one. I do have a brother, but he doesn’t work and has spent the last 20 years living with my mom and playing video games. She was supporting them both. And don’t think he’s helping to care for her either.
I’ve talked her into moving states so that she’s near me and I can help her more with stuff, so we’re selling her very dilapidated house this summer. Because my brother destroys thing and she doesn’t have the funds for upkeep, I don’t think she’ll be getting much from the sale.
My mom has been telling my brother she’s going to buy him a house and I had to be the one to sit him down and tell him he’ll be lucky to get a trailer, because she doesn’t have any money. Once we sell her current house, that’s it. She’ll have that to buy something of her own, and if there’s something leftover and I can’t talk her out of it, maybe he’ll get something for 50k.
I look at other friends with ailing parents and see the help they have from their siblings or family members, and I writhe with jealousy. Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she’s crazy.
Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she’s crazy.
While I don’t mean this as a diagnosis, the last person I knew who did that was later diagnosed with schizophrenia. Although getting mental health care can be a challenge in itself, let alone for someone who doesn’t want to.
Luckily I don’t think that’s the route her mind is going. The ekboms was brought on by extreme work stress, and she’s already showing some signs of healing after being pulled from work. But it’s certainly crossed my mind.
Because my mom is an enabler, and she bears a lot of guilt over who she chose as our father and how he treated my brother. My brother and I both had a lot of emotional issues, and where I chose to get help and fix my issues, he hasn’t.
Even if my brother agreed to help financially, he couldn’t. He hasn’t had a job in over a decade. Granted, he’s going to have to get a job once mom moves, but he’ll probably never earn more than barely keeping himself afloat. My mom says she just wants to make sure he has a place to live the rest of his life.
As for my mom, well, she’s an adult, and other than her ekbom diagnosis, she’s of sound mind. She makes her own choices, and I can only give my input. Can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to.
Something I learned from the “other site” personal finance sub: You are not responsible for your mother’s debt, do not make any payments directly for any of her debt, or else that’s enough in some states for debtors to then go after you.There’s other tips and tricks to keep your finances separate from your mother’s, don’t feel bad looking after yours as the primary priority. Remember: A caregiver that’s completely exhausted (either physically/mentally/financially) can’t take care of anybody, so remember to take care of yourself first. I hope things get better for the both of us, I’m in a similar boat.
Parent care is incredibly difficult… the exhaustion, always feeling like you’re failing, … I followed a couple of Reddit subs while we were caring for our moms and that was a nice outlet to vent without judgement. Try to take time for yourself, even if it’s just a walk outside to let your brain relax.
My wife began losing her sight 9 months ago and hasnt been able to work. She also has had vertigo for eight years and is losing most of her weight due to dietary restrictions, as well a a hyper sense of smell that is making her ill all the time. Disability is rejected, and paperwork for insurors trying not to pay is maddening. She has been under the care of a horrible doctor all her life who tells her that only Jesus can heal her. We are working poor in the US so we’re fucked.
For starters, I’m 20 hours late for this post. It’s the two year anniversary of my mother dying of cancer. My brother died of cancer in August. My wife almost died this month. I can’t sleep. I have too much anxiety. I don’t have any face to face friends and I feel too burned out for anyone to want to be my friend.
Lost ones anniversaries are rough. I like to imagine those I’ve lost over time would rather cheer me up than have me remember them through sadness. Still, easier said than done.
(The silver lining about the slower content on lemmy compared to reddit is you can be hours late and still be part of the discussion instead of casting your bottle at sea if you miss the 15 minute window.)
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