@LRRRonEarth@beige.party
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

LRRRonEarth

@LRRRonEarth@beige.party

I AM LRRR, FUTURE CONQUEROR OF YOUR PLANET. STRANDED IN AMERICA SINCE 2023. OMICRON MALE. KEYNOTE SPEAKER. PUBLIC INTELLECTUAL. HE/HIM. TRAHR. BLM. HEEL. BELOVED MICRO-CELEBRITY. CONNECTIONS TO FUTURAMA CANON ARE TENUOUS AT BEST. I DO ALL-CAPS AND CARTOON VIOLENCE AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE ME. I AM UNHINGED.

NOT AN OFFICIAL ACCOUNT FOR ANYTHING. DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

TOOTS POSTED BY MY HUMAN GHOSTWRITER AGAINST HIS WILL.

I'M LIKE IF CALVIN'S DAD HAD A BLOODTHIRSTY IMAGINARY ALIEN MONSTER HOBBES.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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I DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD EVER HAPPEN. HOLY SHIT.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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GUILTY!

LRRRonEarth,
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AT LEAST ON THE FIRST COUNT! THEY'RE STILL COMING IN. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT.

LRRRonEarth,
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@Cefr @WuMargaret @Jorsh

HE'S NOT GOING TO PRISON. THEY'RE CLASS E FELONIES. HE'S A FIRST-TIME OFFENDER. HE'S VERY OLD. LOCKING HIM UP WITH THE SECRET SERVICE WOULD BE A LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE. MY THOUGHT IS THAT HE MIGHT MAYBE CATCH SOME HOUSE ARREST, PROBABLY PROBATION.

OR. OR HE CAN SHOW UP TO MY HOUSE ON WET BOWL WEDNESDAYS WITH MEANINGLESS SOAPS AND GLOVES THAT CANNOT SAVE HIM FROM THE HORROR OF TACOS PAST.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Have I been doing ibuprofen wrong?

LRRRonEarth,
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@RickiTarr "THAT'S FUCKING STUPID, KYLE, YOU DUMB FUCKING MORON. I HAVE ACTUAL FUCKING DRUGS THAT WILL FUCK THE UNSUSTAINABLE LEVELS OF SHIT OUT OF YOUR NUMB LITTLE SKULL. LET'S SMOKE THE MODEL GLUE I MIXED ADDERALL AND ZANNIES INTO! I CALL IT A KNUCKLEBALL BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE HIGH IS GONNA GO."

LRRRonEarth, to random
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TOP CHEF NEEDS TO STOP FUCKING WITH ITS FORMAT. THE OLD METHOD WORKS! DON'T MAKE CHANGES FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING CHANGES!

LRRRonEarth,
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UNFAIR CHALLENGES, SECRET COMPETITORS, QUICKFIRES THAT COUNT FOR ELIMINATION... JUST FUCKING KNOCK IT OFF AND BOOT THE WORST CHEF.

LRRRonEarth,
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@mivox

EXACTLY! I THINK DIFFICULT, CLEARLY COMMUNICATED CHALLENGES ARE FAIR. I THINK RULE FUCKERY AND CONFUSION ARE UNFAIR.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

IF YOU LOVE YOUR PANTS, YOU NEVER WEAR PANTS A DAY IN YOUR LIFE.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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GOOD THING I THREW HUMAN GHOSTWRITER THROUGH A WALL AND PLOPPED HIM IN MY REGENERATION VAT: NOT ONLY DOES HE HAVE MASSIVE BLUNT FORCE TRAUMITIS, HE ALSO HAS COVID.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

C-LISTER! C-LISTER! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I CAN BLAST MY WAY INTO ANY EVENT IN THE HABITABLE UNIVERSE! FUCK. C-LISTER.

YOU KNOW WHO'S NOT EVEN ON A LIST? MY LIBELOUS UNGRATEFUL GHOSTWRITER! MY SHIT LIST, AT BEST!

LRRRonEarth, to random
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MOST STRAIGHT CIS MEN YOU KNOW WOULD LOVE TO HAVE FRIENDS, OR AT LEAST MORE FRIENDS, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START OR FEEL LIKE THEY CAN'T BREAK THROUGH THEIR SOCIAL HANGUPS. THIS IS NOT, I THINK, A MORAL FAILING BUT A CULTURAL ONE. THEY AREN'T OK.

LRRRonEarth,
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OOC: I have to pretend to be a C-list intergalactic warlord to get social connection these days. I don't want to need to do that. I'm not a macho guy. I don't have weird dick measuring contests (literal or even figurative ones) with other guys to establish a pecking order or whatever. But spending time with male friends? Making new ones? Forget about it.

LRRRonEarth,
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OOC: Holy fuck. I have lost so much blood. Lrrr threw me through a wall and is ranting about how completely preposterous it is to think that someone who has accomplished a much as him is somehow a C-lister. I think my lung has collapsed. He's all "MORE LIKE OMICRON PERSEI 8-LISTER, YOU... YOU REMORA WITH THUMBS!" I have clearly touched a nerve, not unlike the ones that I can now absolutely see poking out through my skin. Oh God. Oh God. It hurts.

I know he's going to plunk me in his recovery vat, but oh my god.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

I AM DISMAYED TO LEARN THAT FRED DURST IS AN ACTUAL DIRTBAG AND NOT SOME BERKELEY GRAD AFFECTING A PERSONA. SO MUCH FOR A SELF-CRITICAL AUTOBIOGRAPHY CALLED "CHOCOLATE STARFISH AND THE SEMIOTICS OF MALE RAGE."

LRRRonEarth, to random
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IF YOU GOOGLE CLIPPY, THE FIRST RESULT IS, ASTONISHINGLY, A PREGNANT VERSION OF CLIPPY. I... WHA.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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BEFORE YOU GET TOO HIGH ON YOUR OWN DRAMA, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE'S AN ONGOING DEBATE OVER WHETHER YOU ARE SENTIENT ENOUGH SO THAT OMICRONIAN VEGANS CAN'T EAT YOU.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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IT'S WILD THAT THE SAME DUDES WHO AGGRESSIVELY MISUNDERSTOOD THE RESPONSE TO THE BEAR QUESTION NOW HAVE THEIR OWN ENTIRELY STUPID QUESTION.

LRRRonEarth,
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IT'S SOMETHING LIKE, "WOULD YOU RATHER SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH A BEAR OR A WOMAN." AND IT IS THE DUMBEST THING.

LRRRonEarth,
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"A HYPOTHETICAL ENCOUNTER ABOUT A SMALL BUT APPRECIABLE RISK OF DISCOMORT AND HARM?! I KNOW! LET'S SOMEHOW MAKE IT ABOUT THE THERAPY I SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOING TO."

LRRRonEarth,
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THE FEELINGS ARE MOSTLY IMPOTENT RAGE AND JORDAN PETERSON UGLY-CRIES.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@noondlyt A LARGE NUMBER OF GUYS WOULD JUST SHOUT LIMP BIZKIT LYRICS UNTIL THEY POP A BLOOD VESSEL.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF "IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW," YOU JUST TYPE NOTHING. NOT A SINGLE THING. OF ALL THE PHATIC GESTURES, THIS WEIRD LITTLE TAUNT CAN GO KICK ITS OWN TAUTOLOGICAL ASS.

LRRRonEarth,
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SORRY, I'M HAVING A WEIRD DAY AND I AM CRABBY. I'M NOT MASKING AT ALL RN AND I FEEL STRANGE. IT FEELS LIKE A "FUCK YOU NO ALT TEXT GET MY JOKE OR GET BENT" KINDA THING, BUT IT'S REALLY JUST AN INNOCUOUS VERBAL TIC SOME PEOPLE USE.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

I AM RUNNING OUT OF DISGUISES FOR SKIRTING MY LIFETIME BAN AT THE LOCAL ZOO.

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