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jackdaw_ruiz

@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style

he/him.

crumbs and carrots, the stone is doomed!

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jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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it's uhhh weird how much my prior experience of working the door at adult establishments has been coming into play at the office these past couple weeks.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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I don't eat steak OR own any Damien Hirst pieces. I hope this post reaches you because cell reception is spotty all the way up here on my high horse.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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30,000+ people losing power because of a fucking beaver gnawing on shit is the most Oregon ass news

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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withnail and i memes? on my tl? uk posters are on one.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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native english speakers don't clock how difficult a language it can be until you ask them to do something like conjugate the verb awooga.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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Did You Know:

Blade Runner is a forward thinking and prescient analysis of the transvestigation phenomenon, working within the permissible idiom of 80's hollywood.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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getting that surgery that makes me lose all understanding of the Monty Hall problem so i can make online discussions and parties more zesty.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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i might get a new cell phone soon and the options are just so dismal.

jackdaw_ruiz,
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what if i get a pixel 8 and install graphene os?

[puts fingers to my head and tries to recall which open source and security-minded tech platforms are run by weirdo nazis, and which ones are just weirdos.]

jackdaw_ruiz,
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okay graphene os appears to be the mobile operating system for criminals that need digital assistance. that might be overkill for me because i can just talk my way out of crimes.

as a reminder you should never talk to law enforcement. but it's okay if i do because i can talk my way out of crimes.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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stop telling me to register to vote. stop linking me to horny German cellists. 😢

ray, to random

the spice girls Wannabe music video opens with them harrassing homeless people wtf

jackdaw_ruiz,
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@ray

to think we were surprised when they were like "you know who had girl power? Margaret Thatcher!"

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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I posted about quoting that knzk Obama line "hell no I'm not registered to vote" and woke up to an Australian and a Swedish guy my menchies going back forth with each other about how it takes compulsory/automatic registration to make a TRUE democracy. 😒

ray, to random

leaving Two Spoons of matcha ice cream left in this carton because i just cant do it

jackdaw_ruiz,
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@ray

the reality of this situation is that the feeling of being ice cream bloated tonight like "uhhh why did I do that" is less of a detriment than wanting that ice cream on another night and only having two spoons worth taunting you.

and when I say the reality I mean my subjective experience but like, tomato tomato.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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it's so goofy how over on Twitter or other large social media there can be a bad post, and it is totally random if the hooting mob commenting below is a all going "this shit is regressive and wrong and shouldn't happen" or if they're all posting stuff like "it's her fault for going outside while being a woman -- play stupid games and find out!"

jackdaw_ruiz,
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you can post the same video of a random person being slapped, devoid of any other context, and it's an absolute pachinko ball drop whether the crowd that assembles will decry the crass and senseless violence that fills all the cracks and gaps of modern society, or if they will convene like a panel of jurors and conclude "the vibe from that slap indicates the person deserved it... probably needs to be hit harder, if anything."

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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y'all probably don't remember this,

but remember a decade ago when some hedge fund executed a hostile takeover on Olive Garden's corporate leadership, and their opening salvo was a scathing 294 (!) page white paper / powerpoint about how incredibly shitty Olive Garden was??

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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turban sage... get real. grow up.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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Open submission call: what post or thread should I frame and put on the wall in my guest bathroom?

edit: thread's closed. I'm just gonna board up that bathroom, nobody can use it now.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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time for a confession: i stole a prototype of the CIA ennui beam and have been parked outside your place every night for months with that fucker dialed up.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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mmhmm yes, that's interesting. full-disclosure: I was not paying attention. instead, I was imagining an A24 distributed biopic of Smash Mouth titled Walking on the Sun.

jackdaw_ruiz,
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you KNOW the trailer opens with a reverby "somebody once told me..." and a single melancholy key struck on the piano.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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imagining a website where you go to make an account and the password field is a drop-down menu without about two dozen pre-existing options to choose from.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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I think a good artificial noise for electric cars to generate, so they are audible enough for pedestrians and others to be aware of them nearby, would be the synths from Darude's Sandstorm.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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my work productivity has been decimated by this facebook group with photos of incredibly fucked stairs.

jackdaw_ruiz,
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there are groverhauses everywhere, for those with eyes to see them. 😌

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