@samantha@autistics.life avatar

samantha

@samantha@autistics.life

Mostly talk about being autistic, finding my identity and generally life.

Summary: :GoldInfinity: :TransPride: 🖥️ ✈️💜

Autistic, trans, SDAM. Pro Choice and 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 (full LGBTQIA+) rights. Interests: Human rights, #avgeek, tech. Speaks for myself only.

Anti genocide. Pro 🇵🇸.

If you know me, my name is probably different than what you have seen before...

Backup account: @samantha

Avatar: Photo of a Red Panda.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

The fact that my brain’s current preferred stimming is vocal stimming is a bit annoying. Oh well :-).

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra I was pondering if I should elaborate in the original post :-).

It's just that it can be somewhat confusing to people around you as it may not be clear if you are trying to communicate.

Also, when out and about or e.g. at work, it can be an issue if you don't suppress it.

So, it's not that it's bad, it's just that some other stims are a bit "simpler" to do when there are people around.

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

Battery powered appliances such as vacuum cleaner, lawn mowers etc. really is a significant help in getting things done with limited spoons.

It's both not all the time having to fight with a cord which makes using them better, but also that it's much faster to get started and put the appliance away again which makes it more feasible to do a bit of cleaning etc. when I have a bit of spare energy.

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I broke down crying yesterday because I really miss doing fun things.

I miss my bunny gardening game, my Steam Deck games, the climbing Jusant game.

I miss being able to read a book and watch a TV show.

My cognition is so bad, that I can’t do anything fun. I’m stuck on the couch playing FarmVille all day, and only doing bare minimum business work.

So I emailed my psych about an ADHD assessment. He said to schedule one for June when he returns to work. :) Then we can get me on ADHD meds.

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@ashleyspencer Hope that will help - and June is not that far away! 💜

Cassandra, to random
@Cassandra@autistics.life avatar

I'm so confused by alumni emails.

Am I supposed to feel affinity for people because they sat in the same classrooms at a different time from me?

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra I "solved" this problem by not graduating...! :-)

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

Filling out Gender Census survey and starting out strong by already being stuck on question 5:

"When a stranger addresses you in English and they don't know your name, what title(s) would you want someone to use, if any?"

¯_(ツ)_/¯

So, will take a break and finish survey later :-).

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

Was rather busy work day yesterday. Wasn't fundamentally bad, but very exhausting. including frustrating of not being able to figure a problem out. I do know it wasn't a simple problem, but still frustrating and taking a lot of energy as my brain is running at 200% of sustainable use for long time.

Result was shutdown, which is still largely the case. Sitting in dark room not doing much.

Part of the whole, I can work - BUT... it has impact and only possible as part time .

samantha, to actuallyautistic
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

Since it comes up with some frequency on autistic social media, I wanted to share my experience with noise cancelling headphones as an noise sensitive autistic person with auditory processing issues. As always, this is just my experience.

I tried writing it for a Mastodon post, but it got way to long... so I ended up dumping it on my blog instead.

If you have any questions etc. do feel free to share.

https://hiiamsamantha.xyz/posts/2024/05/my-headphone-usage/

@actuallyautistic

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

I said hello to TWO neighbours I walked by. That must certainly fulfil more than a days worth of socialisation! :-)

exme, to random
@exme@autistics.life avatar

It's so difficult to know when to let go. My whole life, not knowing I'm autistic, I've been forcing myself to endure things that are unbearable. The only reason I have achieved anything in my life has been that I've forced myself to do things over my own limits. And now I should know when to be kind to myself and not use force? I have no clue how to do that.

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@exme Personally I think the compassionate part comes in with allowing yourself to not know the answer to what to do, and that is OK. As always, this is much easier said than done.

Hopefully over time, by paying more attention to what works and what doesn't, you will know better what the right answer for you is.

For me, I find it's slowly getting easier to manage... but it is a slow process.

@pathfinder

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

Me this morning: Today I'm going to make progress on my primary project.

So, of course a production incident meant spent most of the day talking to a co-worker instead and now my brain is fried.

Oh, well :-).

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

I got a few new t-shirts recently which are, depending on your context, just silly t-shirts, or very obvious trans signaling :-).

This is a photo from work yesterday where I wore this one for the first time.

My want to not be perceived and be perceived as me at the same time is... interesting contrast :-).

Cassandra, to random
@Cassandra@autistics.life avatar

Well, I'm getting faster at processing when something has upset me.

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra 💜 and 👍 to the positive parts.

Cassandra, to random
@Cassandra@autistics.life avatar

Saw a licence plate with CVDJ.

Obviously: Claude-Van Damme Jean.

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra I had to look up his real name as I just couldn’t remember the right order :-)

Cassandra, to random
@Cassandra@autistics.life avatar

"Assigned" at birth is feeling a bit weak this morning. Imposed at, maybe.

Imposed since?

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra He, yes I like that (especially at the moment).

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

I have successfully done first stage reconnaissance of new stovetops in an actual physical store!

We are still some way away from deciding exactly what we want, but looking at a bunch of the different options made me have a lot better idea of what questions to ask / things I care about.

I had a short side tour getting new nail polish, so that was nice and more tangible :-).

Anyway, now time to relax brain.

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra The main goal was to try some red, but also stocked on the purple I wore a lot of late last year. The dark red possibly similar to what I'm wearing right now, just different brand. I like the purple colour, but the contrast to fingers is smaller - and right now I like something which stands out a bit more :-).

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra The attic mostly works as intended as "hideaway" with my desk and couch large enough to lay down. It is unfortunately a bit chaotic right now and not as cosy/relaxing as I wanted it to be eventually. It's mostly since I'm trying to pack as many things as possible (but in a sorted manageable way) and some amount of clothes on the couch as support situation a bit chaotic too :-). Progress is happening, but it will take a bit :-).

samantha, to random
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

"Why am I so tired now..."... oh, then I remember I had

  • 1h social-ish meeting
  • went to lunch with colleagues
  • 2 ~30m work sync meetings.

On top of doing some normal work.

None bad, but it all just adds up. And now sadly dinner does not magically appear by itself :-).

Oh well. There is of course a reason tomorrow is a non-working day... Working full time will not be any time soon...

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

Oh, I almost forgot the "bonus energy drain"... strongly considering coming out to my team and mentioning my new name, but in the end deciding I didn't have spare brain power to do that today.

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Give me some of that nip! 😂

The container will make a f- ton of catnip cat toys lol

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@ashleyspencer I hope you armor that container a bit more... at least that doesn't seem like much of a challenge for cats :-).

samantha, to actuallyautistic
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

This video about parenting with undiagnosed autism and ADHD really starts all the feelings.

I still regularly find it hard to be a parent when overwhelmed. Knowing I'm autistic has made it possible to make changes to make things work better - not perfect, but better. I don't want to think about effect of not knowing I'm autistic...

Video CW: While video is not explicit, could be triggering for parents or kids in similar situations.

https://youtu.be/M_JQO55Jemc

@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I went on a journey to return a bunch of pants I bought on Amazon. The closest free returns place was 35 min walk away.

I went a very long way in my power chair on the way there, and it took much less time to get back since I knew where I was.

First time going through residential neighborhoods. They really do not maintain the sidewalks!

Half of the journey was through a park, so saw some nature. Found a bunch of places to go to in wheelchair distance.

It was good to get out and go places.

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@ashleyspencer it’s really great that the chair is giving you mobility! 💜

exme, to random Finnish
@exme@autistics.life avatar

Yesterday my day was ruined before 7 am when a familiar person got on the same bus as me. If I need to take a bus, I really want to be alone and not disturbed. The whole thing of riding of bus is almost too much and then masking! and trying to speak to a half-familiar person! I was so tired. I was on my way to martial arts class, and as I had no focus time on the bus, I got overwhelmed and cried after the class. A small thing like that can really mess my day.

samantha,
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

@Cassandra @exme I very much agree with this. At least for me the reaction to whatever caused the overwhelm is almost always delayed making correlating cause and effect harder.

samantha, to disabled
@samantha@autistics.life avatar

Hearing people talk about being disabled/a spoonie on social media, and what that really means, has made a significant positive impact on my life in both understanding and acceptance. This is still an ongoing thing for me, but I’m much much further along due to other people being open.

That is a significant reason I talk about my challenges, in that I hope it may be a small part in helping with their understanding and acceptance.

💜

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