I spent most of my life doing what this comic shows: telling that critical voice to shut up, go away, leave me alone.
I can only speak to my experience, but parts work therapy has been transformational for me.
I used to use an oppositional voice in my head to drown it out which shouted over the critic; saying that I’m great, my friends love me, people have told me in talented, I’ve done this before and I can do it again, etc - but it made my head so loud all the time and in moments of weakness - tiredness, depression - the negative voice was louder than i could muster.
In parts work therapy I learned to stop rejecting that part of myself and actually listen to what it’s saying. To empathise with it. To try to listen to its fears, and offer it understanding and love.
I learned that my critical voice grew to protect me: to self censor my behaviour to help protect me from the much larger pain of judgment and humiliation I experienced as a child when I expressed myself freely. I haven’t needed that protection for decades, but that part of me didn’t know that. It was a part of the mind sealed off, entrenched in its fear, which I shunned and tried my hardest to ignore.
The more I listened and gave compassion and understanding to that voice, the nicer it got to me.
Over time I really learned to talk to him. To tell him how sorry I am that he had to carry such a burden for so long, that I’m strong enough to deal with peoples criticisms now, that he doesn’t need to hold on so tight anymore, that we’re safe. It’s one of the most bizarre experiences of my life: to talk inward and really hear a response which I can tell doesn’t come from what I identify as my current ”self”. And I learned to identify other parts in me too; other bits which froze at a certain age, wrapping up a bit of me in protection I didn’t even know was there.
When that protective boy in me pops up now, and he still does sometimes, I know to reassure him, not shout him down. I tell him that we’re safe, I’m strong enough to deal with what’s happening, that I want him to enjoy what we’re doing.
I don’t know if everyone’s negative voices come from the same place, but I wanted to share this incase it’s helpful for anyone. If you can afford therapy, go for it. It took me years to find a therapist because it felt like a mountain infront of me, and that voice would pop up telling me that I was being indulgent, that I don’t have real problems, stop making a big deal, don’t draw attention to yourself… but I’m so glad I did it. My head is so much quieter than it once was.
This is a really well written and clear story. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of that approach - to not just shut down and ignore that voice but to actually face it and almost collaborate with it. Thank you for sharing, it gives me some things to think about.
Thanks for sharing. And yeah I have two negative “voices” in my head: one is protective like yours and the negative things I heard throughout my life. The protective one needs to be convinced, because all she really wants to know is that I’m not going to find myself in a bad situation unprepared and surprised. The other one isn’t so easy, it needs correction: “no that criticism was valid, that’s why I resolved it.” “No, that criticism wasn’t valid, because X” “shut up I’m working on it at a reasonable pace” “just because trauma doesn’t mean the same will happen again”
Anyone who struggles with this should check out the Guy Ritchie flick Revolver. It deals alot with how our sense of self and our ego can get us into more shit than external forces.
That voice in your head, the one who has been there forever… you think he is your best friend when in truth, the devil hides in the last place tou would ever look.
I’m objectively very successful, but starting every morning in the shower, and probably a few times per hour throughout the day, I have to manually derail that voice telling me how stupid I am, how I deserve nothing I’ve gained in life, and how I’ve failed to be a good enough person.
Yes. And for peopke like me with concentration problems i have 24/7 monology going on my head which is really rarely quiet at all. If it ain’t speak it’s random songs I play in my head on repeat
An inner voice is a useful internal communication tool.
Growing up, a massive amount of what we learnt was either provided or reinforcing via verbal instruction. Because of this, all of our brain areas have some sort of tie in with our ability to listen. Conversely, a huge amount of our expression is in the form of verbal communication. So almost all of our brain is also tied to provide data to our speech centre. It’s a small step to use this as a useful internal communication pathway. We experience that as an inner voice.
Not everyone has an inner voice, while others are totally reliant on it for internal communication. Most are somewhere in between. It’s an artifact that isn’t required to be able to think. It’s just extremely useful to most.
Do some people not? It was fucking constant at some parts of my life. It’s why I can’t judge addicts, I had the strength and conditions not to fall, but I’ve had times where I deeply understood trading my future and health just to make my brain shut the fuck up.
No, I basically actively summon mine and it is part of me and disappears when I get very distracted. It thinks what I think. It never critisises me, but more like celebrates good things and curses if bad things happen and plans ahead what I should do or say.
That’s pretty tame tbh, mine likes to remind me about my failures like it’s a Facebook memories post, like I’m not saying my inner voice is constantly horrible to me, but when it is, it goes hard on me.
I wish I could find a way to make it stop but I’m 37 and as long as I can remember that pricks been there telling me I’m a failure.
You can make it stop, that form of mental distress makes you a prime candidate for a variety of therapies including CBT, DBT, and a different one that I don’t remember the name of but it’s based on Buddhism.
I unintentionally created one when I was depressed. I used a sort of imaginary person to bounce ideas off when I was writing or doing anything creative, just a kind of mirror me who I spoke to and then who responded (not literally, it was just me responding “as” them, not a hallucination). When I got very depressed though, I lost control somehow, the self-hating part of my brain took over, and they became a voice very much like what’s shown in this meme.
I dealt with that, eventually. Now I just have my own voice in my head. I’m still not nice to myself all the time, and I wouldn’t say I have total control over that… But it’s a step in the right direction.
For a while in therapy we tried personifying my self hate and giving those thoughts an actual name. In my case that name was Maurice and I do not remember why. That was every time a negative thought happened I could be like “No Maurice, you’re an idiot. I won’t listen to you.”
Unfortunately it turns out Maurice can cite sources.
(It’s from a famous French ad where a kid accuses his goldfish Maurice of eating the chocolate mousse to hide his own mischief. m.youtube.com/watch?v=ASc40_mpZjU)
I don’t know if I would say downsides but for me it just didn’t work at all. I imagine it works well for loads of people but all it did for me was make me look for more scientific reasons to hate myself. Hence saying that Maurice could cite sources.
Instead of “your art is bad” I would be thinking of every little detail I was doing wrong individually as well as convincing myself that I will never be able to shake those issues. Other stuff did end up helping but that specifically wasn’t for me.
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