My parents paid for my vacation aboard a cruise ship, and I hate it.

I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn’t welcome in this community anymore…oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.

I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.

And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!

Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I’m not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”

My wife also didn’t want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it’s free, let’s give it a fair shake.

Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I’m writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we’ll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.

My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they’re also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they’re already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying “We’re at Senor Frogs.” I did not get “We’re going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?”

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn’t ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother’s kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn’t feel left out. I wouldn’t have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn’t want. I wouldn’t feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.

I’m just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn’t rock because it’s on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I’m wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won’t feel ashamed of being different. I didn’t ask to be this way.

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I’m done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We’re over the hill. We’ll be home soon, and I will never do this again.

krellor, (edited )

I took my wife on a cruise even though they aren't really my thing. The thing about cruises is you sort of have to lean into them. If you want to do much at the ports of call you need to plan ahead and typically book the excursions they offer. If you want to just chill, then you can view the ship as basically a floating all you can eat buffet with 24/7 self serve soft serve.

My wife and I both enjoyed the excursions (horse back riding, kayaking, dinners) we also just read in the sun on the decks and went for the couples massage (highly recommended).

It sounds like you might not be big into traveling, and hey, that's ok. It's ok to spend time in the cabin, it's ok to read in the sun, and you don't have to hang with the crowds or get drunk. Give yourself permission to enjoy what you enjoy and avoid what you don't.

If you do have the money I would suggest booking one of the paid dinners they usually offer and doing a couple massage. Those are usually quiet and relaxing. Likewise, find out of the way spots on deck and just chill away from the noise.

If nothing else you can view this as a great learning experience both in figuring out what you do and don't like, and in seeing and sticking firm to boundaries with family.

Best of luck!

Edited to add: that sucks about feeling left out. I suspect some of it is your parents focusing on the grandkids. It could also be they picked up on some of your anxiety and have been giving you space. Either way, of you want to go with them, when they say hey went to senor frogs, reply awesome, let me know next time you head out and I'll come. One thing I learned in life is if you always decline invites, eventually you stop being invited. So, invite your self if you want that to change.

Best regards!

neo2478,

I think the fact it’s a cruise is completely besides the point of the story. You could pretty much replace it with any other type of travel or experience and the story would remain the same.

ElJefe,

Nah, cruises are particularly awful. Overconsumption runs rampant in these gigantic Petri dishes where any virus will have a hay day. The pollution and wastefulness involved in cruises are huge deterrents for anyone with half a caring brain cell. They’re fucking gross.

krellor,

Well, the moral of my post is that it's ok to like what you like and set boundaries, sprinkled with some general life and cruise advice. I'd give much the same advice if they had been booked in a hotel somewhere for a week since the real dynamic here is family.

SkippingRelax,

Except that a cruise is neither travel nor an experience. Show some respect for poor op.

beetus,

I greatly enjoyed my cruise in the spring from NL to Norway and Sweden and back. I wouldn’t have traveled to Oslo otherwise. And the experience of crossing the vast water ways and seeing all the off shore wind farms was an experience I greatly value

Cruises might not be your preference, but they are travel and experience

SkippingRelax,

Keep telling yourself that

maegul, (edited )
@maegul@lemmy.ml avatar

It sounds like you might not be big into traveling,

Our maybe they just don’t like cruises? They never made sense to me and what you describe sounds like the worst form of “travelling” to me.

krellor,

OP could be a cat for all I know. We're just trying to give him helpful advice with what we can quickly infer from one post. If something doesn't quit hit the mark, I trust OP knows themselves will enough to ignore it. No need to dissect things.

maegul, (edited )
@maegul@lemmy.ml avatar

No need to dissect things.

Sure. But then OP says something like

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it.

… and maybe it might matter a tad whether it makes any sense that they don’t like traveling at all and whether they should take that view to heart.

My comment was not (EDITED) about you or getting into a fight with you, it was about how the OP should feel about not liking a cruise trip.

SkippingRelax,

People confusing getting “couples massage” with actual travelling. Cruise ship people can be worse the vegans sometimes.

beetus, (edited )

Sounds like OP doesn’t like the crowds in and around the boat and it’s destinations. Idk about you but most tourist destinations I’ve been to are really crowded. Doesn’t really matter how people get to those locations, but they are packed.

Maybe op doesn’t like traveling to crowded tourist destinations. Maybe op doesn’t like travel (which usually is about going to tourist destinations… crowded places).

The couples massage suggestion was obviously one to say “hey you sound overwhelmed with the tourist stuff, how about you try this low volume activity?”

krellor,

That's right, I suggested couples massage not because it is the epitome of travel but because it's something he could go do immediately that doesn't require booking months ago with a time machine, and it's relaxing. Dudes obviously stressed.

It's really amusing seeing some folks (not you) trip over themselves to gatekeep what travel is to someone like me whose climbed extensively around the world. Like yeah, trekking the remote corners of the world is awesome, but that doesn't make getting a nice massage with your wife a bad time, lol. Not everything in life needs to be a purist expression of a hobby or passion.

Yaztromo,

It’s been a few years since I’ve been to Cozumel, and while the town is cute and can be fun for an afternoon when it’s not packed with cruise ship denizens (as it would have been for you), it’s the other quieter parts of the island which is where the island really shines. You two could have rented some motor scooters (or taken a taxi — it’s only something like 30km from the cruise ship terminal) and headed out to the south eastern corner of the island and chilled out at Rastas and Freedom in Paradise, or just upped your tan in peace over along the kilometres of quiet beaches on the east coast along the C-1. Or maybe you two could have arranged to take a dive lesson — Cozumel is surrounded by some of the best tropical reef systems in North America.

I get that you and your wife weren’t fond of being on the cruise in the first place (as a natural introvert it’s not really my idea of a dream vacation either TBH), but when you had your one chance to get off and find some space and peace, you stayed on the cruise ship. That’s a lack of trip planning, and that part is on you IMO.

So if you find yourself in a situation like this again, post in a suitable travel sub with you and your wife’s preferences and get some suggestions — well before you leave. And avoid cruising next time — being on a boat that vomits out a thousand people all into the same small town isn’t usually the best recipe for fun — especially for more introverted people like us. HTH!

Poggervania,
Poggervania avatar

I agree - part of this is on you OP for seemingly not at least trying to plan out the trip with your partner after agreeing to go. No duh it’s gonna be miserable as hell if you just stay on the ship majority of the time, it’s just a vessel that tries to comfortably get you to the real events: the ports and the towns.

I’m not a big fan of cruises either, but you bet your bottom dollar I’m gonna make the most of each area I’ll stop at if I go on one.

CandyRushSweetest,

Reminds me of the time when I was a kid where my mom and ex-stepdad wanted us to go on a helicopter on vacation. The second I saw it, I didn’t wanna go. I didn’t know what to expect and I was terrified. I don’t like going way up in the air. I complained until they eventually took me away from the place. I had a firm no against my narcissistic “parents” lol

robocall,
@robocall@lemmy.world avatar

It sounds like you don’t like crowds. If so, that’s understandable. They can be overwhelming and uncomfortable.

AlexWIWA,

I went on a free cruise and just felt guilty the whole time because I know how the staff are treated.

Socsa,

Honestly every person I’ve met who does the cruise thing has always been kind of off. I think it appeals to a particular personality type which I almost always seem to clash with. It’s people who want the most sterilized form of adventure possible. They want to “see” places, but not feel obligated to explore them or even interact with them. They are so locked into their cultural bubble they go through enormous lengths to bring it with them.

CandyRushSweetest,

I’ve never been on a cruise, so I can’t verify, but yeah…sounds about right…

Lev_Astov,
@Lev_Astov@lemmy.world avatar

I’m in a similar boat and the most fun I had was hanging around the ship’s bars playing games while everyone else was ashore. That was pretty great; I’d do that again.

NotSpez,

Hah. Similar boat. I see what you did there

Lev_Astov,
@Lev_Astov@lemmy.world avatar

Thank you.

SloppyPuppy,

But hey, at least you tried. You said it was 4 days. At least it wasnt one of those 2 weeks cruises.

You gave it a genuine try and genuinely didnt like it. Tag it as another experience in life you learn from. And thats about it. Next time they invite you just say you tried and you prefer doing something else.

You can also try to invite them for some activity you like for the next vacation.

rab,

I live in a cruise tourist city and there’s no fuckin way I’m ever stepping foot on one of those boats. People who go on cruises are not humanity’s finest examples to say the least. When a cruise ship is docked here I simply avoid going downtown.

Mbourgon,

It depends on so many things. I love cruising, and there are a lot of people who are just trying to see new things and spread their minds. There can be a-holes and entitled Karen’s, but that happens regardless of their method of conveyance. I’m trying to: be nice, see sites and sights I’ve only read of, seen photos of, (or never even heard of!), try some new foods, and learn a bit more about people and the world.

rab, (edited )

There are much better ways to accomplish this than taking a cruise…

The ones exploring my town usually just funnel into the Chinese owned souvenir stores then go back onboard to eat.

OhmsLawn,

The only cruises I’d consider are places that aren’t really available without a ship. River cruises seem like a not-so-bad way to travel through the countryside. Same with Alaska, Patagonia and northern Europe. I haven’t seriously looked into it, but the idea of winding through fjords has a certain appeal to me.

Mbourgon,

Depends on your goals. I view it as a sampler pack. “Yeah, this place was interesting, next time I’d like to see…”, or “okay, I’ve seen X, that was okay, turns out I don’t care for…”, etc. I can’t see the world - there’s too much and i don’t have an infinite budget. But in a week you can see multiple cities in multiple countries, without having to live out of a suitcase.

rab,

You’re not seeing the real place off a cruise ship. Everywhere you stop is catered to tourists.

Worried about budget? Go to Germany and get the monthly rail pass. Way cheaper than a cruise and on your own schedule. See actual Germany. Just an example.

Learn to live out of a suitcase by the way. Well actually backpack because suitcases suck. You don’t need to bring your whole house with you, I just finished a 6 week trip with a 55L backpack and if you learn to pack well you are going to be comfortable. Ultralight community on reddit is pretty good for learning this skill.

Mbourgon,

Doesn’t work for my set of circumstances, but I appreciate it. Kudos for doing it in a 55L - I’ve tried it and it’s a bit too tight for me, but I see the draw.

rab,

Fair. Gear has come a long way in the last few years though if you are unaware. My 55L pack weighs like 800 grams and still has a frame.

corsicanguppy,

stepping foot

Bone apple tea.

rab,

Lol I’ve been making this mistake for years, TIL

Liz,

What’s the “proper” way? Everyone says “stepping foot.”

rab,

Setting foot

mindbleach,

itsvondell: “Someone is going to say ‘I have to go to the moon’ in a bored, defeated tone one day.”

thisisnotgoingwell,

I had to learn a few years ago how to say no. It came after spending years trying to please everyone and always having to come up with excuses for coming up short while feeling like all I did was disappoint people.

When I met my wife, she was the same. She’d work horrible hours, like closing down a restaurant at 3am and then being there at 9am with about 4 hours of sleep. She’d wake up late, apologize profusely to her boss and drive insanely fast to work. She also had a hard time being at important events like birthdays because “they wouldn’t let me have the day off”

I taught her, most things in life require little explanation. Instead of saying “can I please have x day off, I need to yadayada”… Say “I’m letting you know ahead of time, I won’t be unavailable on x date.” Nothing further. And if they ask why, simply rephrase “like I said, I won’t be available.” Or “I have something to take care of.” It’s incredibly uncomfortable for them to press on further but if for some reason they do you can refuse to answer by changing the topic or by ignoring them.

Same with things like being tardy. If you’re already late, then be late. Have your breakfast, get dressed, drive safely. No need to make a bad day worse. When you call to let your boss know you’ll be late, same thing. Maybe offer a small apology, but no excuses. “Hey, my apologies, I’m running late. I’ll be there in 30 minutes or so.” If they say “omg no you can’t be late today how could you do this to me” keep your cool, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

There’s a book called the power of no which I partially read. Highly recommend it. www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/18595404

Here’s the description

… a well-placed ‘no’ will not only save you time and trouble—it will save your life.

“Takes a fresh approach to becoming masterful at using ‘no’ to say ‘yes’ to life.” —Cheryl Richardson, author of The Art of Extreme Self-Care

“No” is sometimes the hardest word to say. It’s also the most necessary.

How many times have you heard yourself saying yes to the wrong things—overwhelming requests, bad relationships, time-consuming obligations? How often have you wished you could summon the power to turn them down?

Drawing on their own stories, as well as feedback from their readers and students, authors James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher clearly show that you have the right to say

• To anything that is hurting you. • To standards that no longer serve you. • To people who drain you of your creativity and expression. • To beliefs that are not true to the real you.

It’s one thing to say “No,” the authors explain. It’s another thing to have the Power of No. When you do, you will have a stronger sense of what is good for you and the people around you, and you will have a deeper understanding of who you are. Ultimately, you’ll be freed to say a truly powerful “Yes” in your life—one that opens the door to opportunities, abundance, and love.

ooli,

The library is usually empty. Most bar also close from time to time, so you can go sit there, read a book, watch a movie, play a game on your computer, or whatever activity you enjoy. And be alone for hours.

Running, walking on the threadmill while watching the sea is great, and the sport salle is never full… the sauna, not so sure.

Go explore the working quarter on the under belly of the beast. Most people will assume you’re just some family member of a worker and let you roam and get lost all you want.

Remember the food is good, and you will never sleep as well (or as bad, if it is not your stuff) as on a large ship cruising slowly on the ocean

Your parents spend lot of money, just so you can enjoy something they find very enjoyable. It can not be your stuff, but they care about you

Metacortechs,

Can’t speak to the cruise specific things, but I lived on a 47ft sailboat for a while in my youth. I’ve never slept better in my life than I did being rocked to bed each night. Didn’t matter if under sail, moored, or docked. As long as the skies weren’t too angry that is.

clark,
@clark@midwest.social avatar

I don’t have any practical advice, but I know this feeling too well; receiving inconvenient gifts and being expected to be grateful. Even though the thought counts, the gift itself will be the actual thing affecting the person. I hope you guys will feel better after this has blown over.

rob_t_firefly,
@rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world avatar

This sort of thing may be the ultimate fun time for them, and they may have just wanted to give you what they see as the ultimate fun time, but it’s not that for you. It’s okay that different people like different recreational things, and sometimes people with their hearts in the right place still need to be reminded of that fact. So, you can be gracious about the gift but keep this writeup.

When this is over, you can politely thank your parents for the gift and say no more if you want. But if they press the issue and genuinely want to know how you felt about it, if they really want you to be honest, you could tell them what you’ve just told us. If in the future they invite you to another cruise and give you any guff about taking no for an answer, tell them what you told us. You can still express gratitude that they gave you the chance to give this a fair shake, and politely decline repeating the experience. “I tried and it’s just not for me” is a valid takeaway from this, both for you and for them.

spicytuna62,
@spicytuna62@lemmy.world avatar

I think this is the way.

I’m genuinely mad at them right now because it seems they’ve exerted little effort to spend time with my wife and me…but we’re all adults here. I could have tried a little harder to reach out to them, too (because I just haven’t done a good job of that myself. Projecting, maybe?). And I’d like to have a debriefing with them, but only once I’m on dry land and had more time to cool off. Because right now, I’ve never been so inclined to tell them to fuck off. At least not since my teenage years lol

But once I’m home and unpacked and I’ve had the chance to wash my laundry, I think I’m going to tell them straight up that while I appreciated the opportunity to give this a fair try to please never do this again. We will have other opportunities to vacation together. Hell, if they want Cozumel, the island has an airport and tickets are only like 400 bucks a pop from OKC. I’d so much rather have flown here and had 3-5 days to experience the island with all it’s quiet holes in the wall and its beaches.

But cruising? I can’t do this again. And next time, it’s a hard pass. If they insist I come and pay for a ticket, I’m not showing up. I can’t go unheard on this topic again.

HerbalGamer,
@HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works avatar

They’ve given you the gift of appreciation for your own home.

Fiivemacs,

And subwoofer dude!

Transporter_Room_3,

Nah fuck them.

They guilt tripped you into something so they could force that “you owe us” dynamic.

Sounds like narcissists.

I would have told them “we’re not going, do not bring it up again.” and if they do just block them on everything until after new years. If they want to bitch about it after that, I can just ignore them for years until they get it through their heads.

oatscoop, (edited )

Sounds like narcissists.

Having grown up with actual narcissists in my extended family, they sound nothing like narcissists. They just sound like they were being idiots: “How could anyone not like a cruise!? They’ll like it if they try it!”, and like they don’t understand introverts.

Transporter_Room_3,

Having grown up with my own narcissists, and married someone who has her own narcissists, it sounds exactly like what they would do.

Don’t tell me my own experiences.

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