The dudes in this thread really managed to remind me how gross it felt when men double my age tried to view me as a sexual object before sexual maturity. At 18, a 22 year old was an old man to me. A 35 year old was older than my fucking father. I didn’t even mature early or wear actual bras until I was legal, but that never stopped the discomfort. Ew guys, do better. You’re not fucking Leo, Leo is fucking creepy too.
I’m aware of the small difference now, but when I had just turned 18, I was in high school. I had no concept of anything even remotely adult. I didn’t even know how to make a bowl of ramen. 22 year olds had their own apartment, some worked full time jobs, fed themselves independently, they could drink, it was a whole world that seemed so removed and adult to me.
This image is trying to invent a problem that isn’t there. I’m totally down to date someone my age who isn’t mentally ill. That’s literally my only requirement.
Unfortunately this seems to disqualify a significant percentage of the dating population.
At 18 you can pick 3 but always focus on one. You’re looking for “true love”, but your crotch isn’t.
At 25 you can pick 2, but you still don’t know which one is most important. You’re looking for “Mr/Miss/Ms Right”, but are starting to feel like you’re Mr/Miss/Ms Leftover" because a lot of people pair up before you.
At 30+ you can pick one, but you’re mostly looking for someone who matches you “child-free” status. You’ve realised a relationship is something you make, not something you find. This is the age to be wary of “gold diggers” looking for a bankroll.
When you’re 35+ it turns from a structured partner hunt into “fuck it, we ride”. At this point, you just want to enjoy life, because there isn’t much free time!
ITT: older dudes pretending they’re Leo DiCaprio. You’re nooooottt. If you think I am wrong, please hit a college party this weekend.
People of dating age can do whatever they want! But let’s please not pretend that what applies to above average men applies to all men. Or what applies to above average women applies to all women!
From what I can tell, doesn’t matter your age. Any gender can be attractive at an older age, look at JLo or Sofia what’s her name. Depends on your level of attractiveness, above average attractive people have a timeless quality, goes for both men and women.
I am responding to the sexist and ageist attitude towards women that women’s aging is somehow different from men’s aging.
Yes, older sperm can produce offspring, but that offspring will be less biologically fit than offspring produced by younger sperm. So a woman in prime years is better off with someone +/- 3yrs her age. That’s just biology.
So older men only talking about women’s aging comes off as insecure and sexist. My posts are just a reality check.
Personally, I don’t evaluate the quality of a person by their level of attractiveness or their age. I just find that a lot of insecurities that men carry about themselves come out as sexist attitudes towards women. So yeah, sometimes you have to write a brash post to counter that sort of sentiment.
So I fully believe that the reason that the reason that perceived peak attractiveness is such a different age for men and women is because of predatory intentions. Meaningful and enthusiastic consent is hard to give when someone has that much more agency than you, and I think this is the whole plot.
When I was in my late 20s, I went to a local con with an 18-19 year old coworker and her friend about the same age. Nothing funky, just hey if you’re going we’re going come roll with us.
Love them to death but jeez Louise I could never date one of them. They weren’t even particularly immature or anything but theres nothing to relate on or talk about etc etc.
It’s like a different world. They have different slang, music tastes, different types of friend and school drama, physical energy levels, at a different stage of their life, etc. I agree, what do you even talk about?
It’s not really that different. I live in a rural area where you can’t afford to stick to specific groups or you’ll have nobody to talk to. I’m in my late 30s and my friends have ranged from 18 to 85.
To be fair the really younger ones were usually attached to a larger group but we still considered each other friends and would hang out and talk about… Well, the same stuff we talk about here online with age-indeterminate people?
Guys we’ll drink and talk trash, mechanics, guns, projects, gaming. Girls more music, culture, many of them are into gaming or hunting/outdoors stuff too believe it or not.
Couple years ago I was sitting by a fire talking about AoE2 with a 19yo girl, I think the game is older than her but she got into it when Definitive came out on Steam!
I also have a friend in his 80s I go over for sauna and tea with regularly, he has so many wild farm stories and knowledge to share, plus he is an old school original coder and ham radio operator who is the last maintainer for an ancient database system.
You have something in common with everyone except the truly stupid, don’t be shy and just talk to people
Are you trying to imply that humans have a variety of personalities and experiences in life?! Creep! /s
Old/young relationships CAN be not creepy and potentially abusive but, like you say, they’re few and far between. Better to try to be friends in most cases.
These guys don’t want somebody to talk to. They want to relive feeling that age again, but they also want somebody who doesn’t have much life experience. Odds are, women their own age won’t put up with their bullshit, and they want somebody who won’t push back on them
25 is when your brain finishes maturing, so it’s when adulthood actually starts. The crazy thing is that we let people join the military, rack up credit card debt, etc. well before that age.
I wish people weren’t like this so much. If you meet somebody who has both the wisdom of age and a zest for life, hold onto them, because they’re one in a million.
I have always found this argument to be hilarious in a deeply sexist way.
Why? Because it takes two to tango.
If young women really did find older men repulsive and creepy, why do so many of them date older men? Why do a fair number of them marry older men, especially in this era of unprecedented economic opportunities for women?
The fact is, such attitudes against a very historically normal pairing is shaming two people who are functional adults for their very adult choices and decisions.
Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”? Because I see that attitude of infantilizing and bubble-wrapping women against the consequences of their own choices and decisions as deeply sexist, and a prime example of misogyny.
Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against. How are we adult enough at that age to die without any choice in the matter, but women aren’t adult enough to choose whom to be with?
It’s been scientifically proven that 18 year olds’ brains aren’t fully developed. Biologically, no you are not an adult at 18. Arguing that it’s all good because both parties are ostensibly consenting adults is besides the point. The older party, no matter what gender, shouldn’t be chasing people well outside their peer group. There’s obviously a layer of manipulation when 2 people of wildly different ages get together.
People are probably not functional adults until 23-25. But it’s harder to mold a 25yo to die in a war for you than a 18yo.
I do agree with your general point - it takes two to tango. And a lot of the older women complaining have themselves dated across the chasm when they were younger.
It always felt odd to me and still does though - I feel that the larger the gap the more it reveals deeper issues for both sides.
For me, it’s not the age gap so much as maturity gap and, more importantly, the power differential. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I didn’t have my shit together in any way nor did I have a good level of maturity and self-confidence.
The power differential between one in their 40s or 50s (hell, even 30s) and late-teens/early-twenties means that healthy relationships are the exception, not the norm.
It makes me wonder why people praise Harold and Maude and vilify Manhattan, though I suppose the director of Harold and Maude didn’t marry someone Harold’s age. But most people agree that Harold walked away a better person, despite having Maude woo him and rip herself away immediately.
plenty of women also shame older women that are preying on much younger men too
I have never seen that happen in my entire life.
Not. Once.
Not saying it doesn’t happen, but it must only happen behind closed doors - without any public censure whatsoever - in ways that doesn’t happen for older men with younger women.
Older men, in comparison, are very publicly shamed.
What’s that? Some sort of spanking-new social media platform? Certainly less than 6 days old, otherwise I would have heard of it.
Marcus Jordan
Who?
Edit: had to google all of these. I have no clue who any of the “Reality TV” stars are, not into basketball, and as for “Bravo”, I never even thought about TV channels as I have not watched actual broadcast TV since 2003.
Lmao I had to rep my Housewives because I had to leave the Bravo subreddits back on reddit and we don’t have a community here. I never pass up a chance to toss it out there in case there are other lost Housewives fans floating around Lemmy. 😅
Anyhow, yes, Larsa Pippen was married to Scottie Pippen for years, including when he played on the Chicago Bulls with Michael Jordan (late 80s/early 90s). Marcus Jordan (Michael’s son) was already born by then. Scottie and Michael were a duo in the 90s, paired together in NBA games and whatnot, pretty much the faces of the Bulls franchise.
Larsa Pippen is 49. Since divorcing Scottie, she’s gotten together with Marcus Jordan (33). She’s been absolutely dragged by Bravo fans due to the age difference, and because there is a nonzero chance she knew Marcus when he was in pull-ups (she denies this).
The point I was making was, even if it’s an older woman going after a younger man, gross behavior is gross behavior. It’s not cute in either direction. We call out ladies too!
Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”?
I do, because your brain doesn’t finish maturing until you’re 25.
Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against.
That’s wrong, too. The age of conscription should be 25, for the reason I gave above.
I’m an older dude, I can’t hardly stand being near a fucking teenager, much less want to have sex with one, they’re annoying as hell. What the fuck is wrong with some people.
I mean you could maybe try being a compassionate adult around them. Attidudes like this are what contribute to poor inter-generational relationships. It’s why boomers blame everything on millenials and why millenials just respond with “ok boomer”. Teenagers are people, their brains are developing, some are figuring out their shit, some never will bother to. And they will become older folks who are people just the same. So it behoves us to try being a positive influence around them rather than trying to fuck them.
Yeah I wasn’t disagreeing. Teenagers are indeed annoying as shit. They’re also bright, depressed, confused, fired up, determined, lost, immature, too mature, and on and on. None of this negates the importance us adults having the maturity to not dwell on our bitterness or frustration over youth and focus on being a positive influence when we have the opportunity.
In most countries 18 year old are adults. I think it is everywhere in Europe (where I live). If you are 18, you have the same rights and duties as any other citizen. Adults should be able to choose their partner independent of race, gender and also age. How can you support same sex marriage but be against marriage of a couple with a difference in age?
Do you by chance have a wall with post-its, photos and thread? Do you stalk many people?
With 18 people are adults. They can vote and get voted into the government. They can sign business contracts or join the army. They can decide the future of the state but not their own relationship?
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