I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there's a salad dressing.
Peter Pan is a terrible boxer. Whenever he throws a punch, it neverlands.
I learned Morse code and then I couldn't sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Last night I had sex for one hour and 2 minutes, thank you daylight saving time.
A Boston sheep walks into a baaa
Mitch Hedberg - Best Show Ever! (youtu.be)
The undisputed master delivering his best for a half hour.
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