You bring some good points, and I agree with most everything but the fragility of womanhood. There is a much greater tolerance for gender variance in women than men. You don’t have to worry about “looking gay” or “being a sissy” as much as you do as a dude. Now, given this is toxic masculinity and it’s not healthy at all, but it is a common thing to come across in this day and age (at least where I’m from).
I had to fight tooth and nail just to be seen as a lesbian before I knew trans people existed and that I was one. I wanted people to acknowledge my queerness so badly and it felt like no one would take me seriously and would always say “it’s just a phase.” That is to say, while gender is often violently enforced for people coming into feminity, people trying to leave it are often infantalized and not taken seriously because of it. Part of it too is cultural. Here in the deep south, there’s a lot of machismo and toxic masculinity and finding someone who deviates from that is much harder to find than for women. You’re right that it’s much more stigmatized for AMABs to be queer. My point is that I think there’s equal fragility for each gender but in different ways.