Resources for Dads and Soon-to-Be Dads

Welcome to DadBin everyone! Much of this information is carried over from the Daddit wiki.

FAQ

Help, I just found out she's pregnant, what do I need to know?!
First, don't stress. You have months to go and plenty of doctor's visits to learn just what is going on.

The Basics
Pregnancy is typically 40 weeks long but considered full-term anywhere from 39 to 41 weeks from the last day of your lady's last period.

Pregnancy is broken down into trimesters. They're about 13 weeks each. People typically don't say much about pregnancy until the 2nd trimester because the risk of miscarriage drops significantly at this point.

Ultrasounds are cool, go to the appointments.

Some time before delivery you should check out The Happiest Baby on the Block or at least this clip by the same Doctor on how to calm the baby.

Remember: Your lady's body is going through dramatic changes. Her needs, wants, and desires may change rapidly and drastically. There have been accounts of normally loving, caring women turning into hormonal, raging monsters. It's temporary. And she's carrying a human inside her. Remember that and try to help out.

What should I bring to the Hospital?
This is going to be largely dependent on your preferences and those of your co-parent. You'll certainly want some basic things like electronics chargers, and toothbrushes. A change or two of clothing can be nice, too.

If you're packing for mom, make sure there are a number of choices for her, she may be very uncomfortable depending on how labor goes.

Snacks. Depending where you are the cafeteria may or may not be decent (or even open depending when you're there) but having your own snacks is always nice. Especially if it's a prolonged delivery. Bring things mom likes too. You should check with your care providers if she can have the snacks. Generally anesthesia doesn't want her eating anything in case they need to sedate to operate, but the body needs fuel to push that kid out!

The car seat! Do not forget this! It can stay in your car until you're ready to leave, though.

Baby clothes.

For labor and delivery itself, as #2 in this process, you'll likely have some free time. Make friends with the nurses, they will make your (and your lady's) time in the hospital as good or bad as you allow them. Also, explore the hospital, maybe there's an ice cream vending machine.

Should I circumcise my new son?
The American Academy of Pediatrics states that the benefits of circumcision outweigh the risks but not to the extent that they make a universal recommendation to circumcise. Source

I don't feel like I love my child/am bonding with my child. What should I do?
This is a common complaint from new dads. The best thing you can do is get more involved. Change more diapers. Feed your child more if you're doing any bottle feeding. Hold and cuddle your child with skin to skin contact--take your shirt off and let your baby sleep on your chest. All of these things will help you forms bonds and connection with your child and will hopefully help foster love.

I feel like a third wheel, the baby only wants mom. What am I supposed to do?!
During the first several weeks, especially for breast feeding moms, dads can feel really left out. It's very often pretty much just the mom-baby show. This is the time where you get to shine in a support role. Make sure mom is getting properly fed and can get a shower. Do some housework like cleaning or cooking (both!) to take the stress of mom. Soon enough you'll be getting your fair share of taking care of your new child, don't worry!

How do I get my infant to sleep?
Sleep when you can. Sleep when the child sleeps if possible.

Infants will cry and keep you up for many reasons. Every child is different. Some have colic, which is just a fancy way of saying a healthy baby cries for no discernible reason.

Others, especially formula-fed babies, may have significant gas which will cause Gastroesophageal Reflux (GER). There is a muscle (the lower esophageal sphincter) that acts as a valve between the esophagus and stomach. When your baby swallows, this muscle relaxes to let food pass from the esophagus to the stomach. This muscle normally stays closed, so the stomach contents don't flow back into the esophagus.

In babies who have reflux, the lower esophageal sphincter muscle is not fully developed and lets the stomach contents back up the esophagus. This causes your baby to spit up. This is normal, but can also cause discomfort to the infant. Infant Simethicone is a fantastic over-the-counter medication that helps pass gas through your child's system that helps many infants be more comfortable following feedings and sleep better. Once your child's sphincter muscle fully develops, your baby should no longer spit up.

As far as other tips to get your child to sleep go, every child is different. My first child wouldn't sleep for longer for forty-five minutes until we learned that she loved having a light shining close to her face when she slept. Once we learned that, she would sleep for several hours at a time. It will be a fun opportunity for you to get to learn about your child and their preferences.

NOTE: The American Academy of Pediatrics will often update their infant safe sleep guidelines. It is always recommended to follow those guidelines to lower the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

My child's metrics are in the lower half of the population. How can I fix it?
First, there's nothing to fix. Take a breath. Every child develops differently. What's important is that your child is progressing and not regressing. If your child is regressing, then work with your pediatrician and they will help you do what's best for your child. You've got this.

Infant and child progression is not a race. It's not a competition. Some children walk early. Others like scooting around on their bums. Some children teach themselves to read before they start school. Others will struggle with reading their entire life. None of these metrics make your child any less valuable. It is your job to teach them that. Each child is precious and amazing and deserves to be cherished for the potential for good they bring into the world. Be patient and don't punish your children for going through life at their own pace.

Speaking of punishment, how should I discipline my children?
You'll get a number of opinions on this subject. The general consensus of academic research is that spanking and harsh words are harmful to children while also being less effective than other methods of disciplining children. It is also helpful to frame it as discipline rather than punishment. You are teaching your children to be more disciplined--not punishing them for being born without discipline.

As children become more independent, they will push boundaries. It's how they exercise their freedom. It is your job to set healthy boundaries, tell your children what the boundaries are, remind them of the consequences of crossing boundaries, and follow through with discipline when boundaries are crossed more than once. Some general tips for effective discipline follow:

1. Show and tell. Teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions. Model behaviors you would like to see in your children.

2. Set limits. Have clear and consistent rules your children can follow. Be sure to explain these rules in age-appropriate terms they can understand.

3. Give consequences. Calmly and firmly explain the consequences if they don't behave. For example, tell her that if she does not pick up her toys, you will put them away for the rest of the day. Be prepared to follow through right away. Don't give in by giving them back after a few minutes. But remember, never take away something your child truly needs, such as a meal.

4. Hear them out. Listening is important. Let your child finish the story before helping solve the problem. Watch for times when misbehavior has a pattern, like if your child is feeling jealous. Talk with your child about this rather than just giving consequences.

5. Give them your attention. The most powerful tool for effective discipline is attention—to reinforce good behaviors and discourage others. Remember, all children want their parent's attention.

6. Catch them being good. Children need to know when they do something bad--and when they do something good. Notice good behavior and point it out, praising success and good tries. Be specific (for example, "Wow, you did a good job putting that toy away!").

7. Know when not to respond. As long as your child isn't doing something dangerous and gets plenty of attention for good behavior, ignoring bad behavior can be an effective way of stopping it. Ignoring bad behavior can also teach children natural consequences of their actions. For example, if your child keeps dropping her cookies on purpose, she will soon have no more cookies left to eat. If she throws and breaks her toy, she will not be able to play with it. It will not be long before she learns not to drop her cookies and to play carefully with her toys.

8. Be prepared for trouble. Plan ahead for situations when your child might have trouble behaving. Prepare them for upcoming activities and how you want them to behave.

9. Redirect bad behavior. Sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don't know any better. Find something else for your child to do.

10. Call a time-out. A time-out can be especially useful when a specific rule is broken. This discipline tool works best by warning children they will get a time out if they don't stop, reminding them what they did wrong in as few words―and with as little emotion―as possible, and removing them from the situation for a pre-set length of time (1 minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb). With children who are at least 3 years old, you can try letting their children lead their own time-out instead of setting a timer. You can just say, "Go to time out and come back when you feel ready and in control." This strategy, which can help the child learn and practice self-management skills, also works well for older children and teens.

You didn't cover what I need to know! HELP!
The secret is that none of us have it all figured out. We're all just doing our best each day and hoping that we don't screw up our kids. There are a lot of resources out there. The fact that you're here shows that you're kids are in good hands. You also have unique skills and talents that they can only learn from you. You don't need to know everything. You just need to love them.

Dad Gear

Here are some ideas for gear that may or may not be essential to Dadding.

Diaper Bags

The Propper Sling Bag is a personal favorite if you're looking for a backpack style diaper bags. Very well compartmentalized and can be left or right biased depending on your preference.

If you're looking for a messenger style bag, the Dadgear.com messenger bags have received good feedback on Daddit. Skip Hop has also been recommended frequently.

Don't discount the merits of cargo pants, either. As one dad explained, there are plenty of pockets for everything you'll need for all but full day outings (and you'll probably handle those just fine in them too!). You're a dad now, you won't care who may judge your sartorial preferences.

Car Seats

It basically comes down to the fact that car seats are required to meet specific safety standards if you live in the USA, so they meet safety requirements by law. For other countries, member states of the United Nations Economic Commission for Europe have also adopted safety standards, but they vary by each country. For most purposes, a car seat that meets safety standards will have an orange and white tag that lists the following information:

*EC R44-04 or UN R129
*Weight range
*Barcode
*Product / serial number

Get an infant seat that fits well in your car and is easy to carry and pull in and out. One is enough but you may want more than one base so you can click it in and out of more than one car on a moment's notice.

As your kids grow out of that seat, you'll want a larger seat that is still rear-facing. The Graco 4Ever car seat has a small foot print, does rear-facing, then front-facing, then booster. So while it's a little more expensive than some options, it should handle all your needs after the infant seat.

When to transition from car seats to boosters to no support depends on how the seat belts fit around your children. The shoulder strap should be around the shoulder and chest, not the neck and armpit. The belt strap should be around the waist of the child, not the stomach. This will protect your child from harm in an accident. Look to your country's approved guidelines for when to transition if there are any questions.

Strollers

These really depend on your budget and needs.

For infants, it's hard to recommend anything other than a stroller that accepts a removable car-seat. The seamless transition from car to stroller is great for keeping a sleeping kid sleeping. Many strollers have accessories or components that will accept the car seats that can later be removed so that you have a more toddler oriented stroller.

Beyond that, it will come down to what you intend to do. If the stroller is just a means of rocking your kid to sleep, the cheapest Craigslist option might be your best bet. If you're running marathons or doing trail hikes, something like a BOB Stroller will be more suitable. While BOBs are expensive, places like Amazon Warehouse deals that offer significant discounts on open-box items that are frequently in like-new condition.

Cribs and Crib Accessories

The model of your crib is not so much important, so long as it doesn't have cutouts that can trap the baby. What's most important is what goes in the crib. Start with a flat, firm mattress and a fitted sheet. That should be all you need. Bare is best. Parents with children that frequently blow-out their diapers also suggest using a fitted plastic liner under the sheet, Some of them even do plastic liner->fitted sheet->plastic liner->fitted sheet so that you can take one layer off and immediately put the child back to bed.

Avoid putting blankets and other soft objects like stuffed animals in the crib. This prevents suffocation and SIDS. This is why baby sleepers and wraps are so popular. As of November 2022, it is illegal in the United States to sell soft crib bumpers (mesh liners are still okay) or mattress wedges with an incline greater than 10 degrees (unless prescribed for medical purposes like reflux). Avoid buying these items second-hand.

Swings

Swings can be a lifesaver for children who refuse to be put down otherwise. There are a number of different manufacturers and varieties of swings that are safe for your baby. You're really just looking at how much you want to spend. The general safety consensus is to not let your child sleep in their swing, recommending instead that you move them to their crib when they fall asleep.

Miscellaneous Gear

For all the gear mentioned, check for recalls on the manufacturer's website.

There are conflicting views on the Diaper Genie but you should know it exists.

Same goes for wipe warmers with some people swearing they made their child less fussy and others saying it's a waste of money that dries out wipes.