Hey all! I've been struggling with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. She is prone to tantrums and will lose her mind over the smallest things. I know this is typical behavior at her age, but I wanted to see if you all had any advice. Any recommendations for helping a toddler remain more consistently calm?
A random advice that helps a bit with my daughter: Asking how she feels right now (sad, angry, tired, hungry and so on) followed with showing understanding in the style of
I see, you’re feeling sad because we have to leave and you’d like to stay longer. I understand that makes you feel sad but unfortunately we can’t stay any longer because something something…
It’s not a miracle recipe but it helps more often than not and it encourages her to express her thoughts over just throwing a tantrum.
Some solid advice here. I’ll throw one more in that is absolutely essential for my 2.5 year old: the 5-minute warning.
Before anything ends, it’s critical to provide sufficient advance notice, no matter what is happening/happening next. Kids lose their shit when they’re surprised to find out they have to shift gears.
My little guy gets really frustrated when he's feeling like he's not heard (or getting what he wants) - especially when I can't understand what he's saying or asking for.
We've also found giving choices for pretty much everything helps too. Which shirt a or b, apple or orange, milk or water, whatever. Doesn't always work & obv can't always do it, but it sometimes avoids me picking Voldemort and triggering a world shattering event.
Another thing I try is to repeat what he's trying to say through the tears or yelling. Usually he'll calm down a little when he hears me vocalize what he's frustrated about. It doesnt snap him out of it but I find i can get him to walk a little further from the tantrum edge and eventually calm back down.
Also. Food. Lol. Always, always, always make sure they're not hungry. Easiest way to fuel a meltdown in my house is to have a late snack time or something. Sometimes a meltdown happens and I'll ask - are you hungry or do you want an apple sauce and I get a nod and it all makes more sense.... Lol. Like I said, idk if it's universal but it has worked for us :)
Yup, it’s a stage. Same with my daughter, they’re figuring out they want more control over their lives and it’s up to parents to give them enough to scratch the itch, but not go power hungry.
Using the youngster equivalent of a magician “force” is an awesome solution. Both choices you give them are acceptable to you, but they get to choose the best for them. Rather than “we’re having peas for dinner.”, “We can make either peas or carrots for dinner, which would you like more?”.
Also, redirecting when a tantrum is going on works wonders. My girl was having a total melt, and I just looked behind her and said “Is that a big hairy spider on the floor?”. Instant quiet as she turned to look. “Where daddy?”. “Oh, I think I saw it over beside your bed, hope it doesn’t stay here all night!”.
Some anxiety… “Oh no, (pointing at fluff) it was just a bit of fluff from the kitty, sure looked like a spider to me though!”. “Daddy, spiders have legs and eyes!”
And that was enough to get her past the moment. Kids hold on to tantrums with both hands and trying to pry them off just makes them double-down. But if you distract them they’ll go from an 11 to a 2.
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