Some personal thoughts and feeling about death. (it sucks)

I don’t have a better outlet, and wanted to write something.

Death sucks. Whether its a celerity you follow, someone online you follow, family, or someone else, it just sucks.

For me, I don’t follow celebrities. The most I’ve felt for people online I follow felt like a gut punch, and I thought about them for maybe a week, and then once every few months. For family, its a bit of a cry and thoughts still fairly frequently.

My grandparents are/were all at about that age 85+. For clarity I will refer to them by the familial titles I use Grandmother(father) for my Mothers parents, and Bubbe and Zaide for my Fathers.

My Grandfather had a fairly large stroke about 10 years ago and died after 8 years. He went from being one of the most active 85 year olds you would know to being bedridden for nearly 10 years. It was hard on everybody, and although there was a relief when he finally passed, for me I don’t think it was any less sad. I play the clarinet, probably influenced because he did. I have his old clarinet and soprano sax, and think about him whenever I play. I have some other hobbies and interests from him as well.

My Grandmother is doing well, and much less stressed for the passed couple years.

My Zaide said he wasn’t old until he turned 90, well he turned 90 last year and I was just told he passed. He had had mobility issues for a few years, and if he were a bit younger would have likely had a knee replaced. In my Dad’s youth he was a salesman and moved a lot. As long as I’ve known him, he’s owned a business. He was also an artist, wood carving. He made many beautiful bowls and “doodles”, they are all over everybody in my families houses. He liked to tell stores, some true, some jokes, but I always liked them. His passing was not unexpected. He had an infection that sent him to the hospital a month or so ago, and his mind deteriorated to the point of requiring professionals.

I haven’t talked to my Bubbe in probably a year. I most recently saw her about 6 months ago, but I don’t think we talked. Unfortunately her as she was has left leaving behind someone who thinks the world is trying to kill her and screams about it.

I don’t really have a point to all this, I just wanted to write it out.