When I talk, I am super self conscious about whether I am an idiot or not. It usually leads to more fumbling where I do actually become an idiot.
When I’m quiet I do feel a sense of unease, depending on who I’m with. I’ve taken to being careful about who I surround myself with at a personal level. If I can’t be quiet with you, my natural state, than I’m probably avoiding you altogether.
I feel you on every point but I end up replaying in my head those instances where I think I sounded dumb and think too much about about how I could’ve done better :/
You sound like someone I cant be with, because quiet people always makes me think that something is wrong with me, that they don’t want to be there, that they feel bad or that I am the only person they can’t talk to. And then I start to think I am responsible for their well being wich leads to talking, making suggestions to do something and so on.
The strange thing: if I would knew that the other person feels fine I would be totally okay with silence. Why not? If that is what you want, i am happy to give it to you and mind my own business. But my inner bully doesn’t allow me to think that anyone around me is fine if they don’t show active happiness. Social anxiety is an asshole.
You see, I would get along with you. I would probably even open up with you right off the bat, depending on the circumstance.
I am actively happy, and speak my mind, sometimes it just takes a bit to get comfortable, and I think I’ve become pretty good at reading people. So it’s sort of just my own boundaries I’ve set I suppose for what kind of people I am willing to deal with, and you don’t seem to be one of them (:
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