@erin@social.xenofem.me
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

erin

@erin@social.xenofem.me

It's autumn for you, see? Cause you're about to fall!

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erin, to random
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Tucker Carlson: Could you tell me more about your...ideology? My personal political researchers have done a little digging into the things you believe and it seems that you...believe all men should be women? Well, I'm interested in having a conversation with someone who's so honest and up-front with their views, at least. Now tell me, what was your family life like growing up?

Average xnfm user: FUUUcccckkk duude.... I JUst fuckin dide my injection a couple days ago.... I dont even know where I fuckin am right now...... I make this shit in my attic by capturing the female rats in there and fucking, draining their blood,, then exposing it to oxygen to oxidize away the iron (leaving just the estrogen) and adding food coloring as a solvent...... I also gradually crush my skull to be more close to the,, shape of the female rats.... Oh speaking of which do you wan t my new research chemical, I researched it myself, it's like weed but liquefies your organs too

Tucker: Why Are you green

erin, to random
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Friend who invited me onto his podcast: Isn't it funny how, like, when Elon Musk purchased X, he said he would get rid of the bots, but there seem to be more bots than ever now. Like just look at the new ones that all spam "Pussy in Bio"

Me: (trying to riff on this, but not wanting to make another overplayed, anemic, dead-end "My [non-sexual thing] In Bio" joke) My.... (Remembering I don't have a pussy) My uhhhh.... (Remembering I don't have a Nice Ass) My.... uhhh...... (Remembering I don't have a Nude Tits)

Friend: Are you trying to say something

Me: (Realizing for the first time the kinship between me and these bots, who also have no physical pussy, ass, or tits to speak of, yet use their feminine facade to seduce hapless men online regardless) MY PUSSY IN BIO!!!!!!!!!!

Friend: I just said that one dude

erin, to random
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Mira Bellwether was really cooking with Buy A Trans Woman A Pizza Day, I would honestly love to hang out with someone else and be treated to a pizza. It’s been ages since I’ve had pizza.

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

Radical feminist: Sometiems I wonder what it would be like if there were no men, and I could go outside and not have to think about all the ways they could hurt me without repercussion. If only....

Twitter philosopher: [pronouncing "jouissance" like "nuisance"] Does that make you feel Jouissance

nyx, to random
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polyamory = Dengism
monogamy = Stalinism
celibacy = communization

real ones know

erin,
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@nyx Gooning = Capitalism

kittenlikeasmallcat, to random

finnster came out

erin,
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@Mondobizarrro @kittenlikeasmallcat finnster was the first victim of the alexandria femboy disposal facility (est. 2024) (real). incredible...

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

Dear amerikkkans,

We are coming to get you. We are sovereign.

Sincerely,
the Zombies

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

I will not be posting on here for an unspecified period of time. This is because certain malicious forces are converging on my meatspace position, and I need to carve an ascent to avoid being taken. I hope you all understand. If anyone wants to reach me, you know how.

In the event that this period of time is especially long, or on the off-chance I happen to be captured, I urge all of you to remember the measures I have found for world-viewing. I've added basic interpretation guides for those unfamiliar:

fuck tpot - Unfocused scholarly behavior is an exercise in triviality
fuck eientei - Fascists fundamentally cannot be interesting
fuck y coombinator - The masses have no answer
im gay - im gay

Thank you. Take care of yourselves and each other.

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

I think every trans person should ask themselves why they transitioned. It's a question that takes a lifetime to answer...The failure of sexology has led us astray of what we should be doing, which is feeling and sensing and celebrating this veritable fountain of Eternal Life and flowering Manifold Death which we have found. Is it of us? Is it human? Is it of this earth? (When questioning here we use not an empirical method but a discursive one. This is something living and breathing.)

erin,
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

@nyx no essay? fine then. i throw down my gauntlet. i insanitymog you. etc etc

I recall that shortly after I came out irl, my mother asked me why I transitioned. I imagine she was expecting some simple answer that she could try to pick apart. My answer, given honestly, was "I honestly don't think I can really explain it, but it's definitely the coolest thing I've ever done."

There's no doubt in my mind that something fundamentally changed in me in the summer of 2021. At the time I was struggling to reconcile my then-current status as a straight man with my investment in feminism and legitimately respecting women. It felt as though I could never sincerely engage with feminism while participating in heterosexuality; all around me I saw misogynistic men seamlessly fitting into the (get this) edgy leftist spaces that I frequented at the time. It felt like the best I could really get was being half-decent and not literally abusive, which still felt like a shitty compromise.

That background was in social and materialist terms, but really the process of change that actually occurred in me was profoundly asocial and immaterial. After all, I went from dead weight sinking down into the earth to a re-energized sprite bounding into the sky, something which is terribly unlikely in any social or material process. I only contemplated actually transitioning when I was alone and offline, usually outside. This culminated in a several mile walk along the Pacific Beach where visibility was greatly limited due to fog and no one was around, giving me freedom to talk to myself aloud about what I wanted to be and do.

It felt initially like she was pulling me in, and later like I was pulling him in. As a conflict it was practically painless. The wretched creature I knew all too well was cut directly at its weak point and unceremoniously collapsed. It was an old tale that I recited hundreds of times, and an instant in time that I kept repeating until I got it right. Discontinuity. And then time--true time--stuttered at first before beginning to flow forward, and my real story, the tale of Erin, began.

And I wondered what might happen if I kept pulling and kept fighting and kept reciting using my new time and my new story, just to see what would happen. Loosely that is how I ended up here and in this way.

I remember getting really mad at Nietzsche for shit talking the moon in Thus Spoke Zarathustra, but he and I are no doubt trying to do a lot of the same things. Loosely this involves attacking complacency in all its forms: "One does not kill by anger but by laughter. Come, let us kill the Spirit of Gravity!" We are not static-machine-optimizers, because the static machine is itself complacent. But we are also not tourists, because complacency can be found also in continual transience. And our desperate vitality also is complacent, and as such beautiful gardens of rot and decay grow where they are needed.

This is the reason why I have such a hard time giving a definitive answer as to the nature of this. I transitioned because I wanted to. I transitioned because an inhuman process took hold of me. I transitioned because I knew too much and not enough. Transition is magic. Transition is a way to accelerate my death. Transition is mostly unimportant. Transition becomes more intense the further I stray from that beach. The nature of transition is a friend that I hang out with and a science and a monster beyond my comprehension that will destroy me and something that can learn a lot from me. It's over. We're back. We are a million miles away from the summer of 2021.

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

Baby Male-to-Poster (1 month Thought Replacement Therapy, does not yet pass): “My son turned out fine” Your poster is, uh, watching Torrented Movies on the Pirate Bay! If gender is a performance then I am Abraham Lincoln

Doll Scientist: (holding up vial) Finally, Fawnium

ynakxramxsho, to random

as small shrines at your place that you greet and take care of everyday

erin,
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@ynakxramxsho Not a fan of shrines for myself because they feel close to the Inside & sickening comfort. Shrines for other things feel difficult to construct. Maybe I will ask others to create a shrine of themselves so that I may one day think of them through and around this 3d space.

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

Smoothness Acceleration: A Sandpaper

larsfrommars, to random
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"Eldritch writerfag and divine yurivirus, abyssopelagic femboy" they should make a whole new bible to contain these words

erin,
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@larsfrommars Exhaustion. I feel exhausted

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

Fedi (or Twitter or anything else like it) is not a good place for facilitating communication between people. @puzzlebark first floated this idea to me a few weeks ago and I didn't really understand it at the time, but the recent friction between everyone has really convinced me that this can never really work. I hate posts. I hate timelines. People don't fucking talk to each other on here. I hate the town square model. You can't have a town square without a fucking town.

This lack of any real interaction is perhaps what has made fedi/twitter/whatever so alluring to people like me, who are really just antisocial edgelords that love fucking up people's timelines. Of course the problem is that the place is a sealed chamber: the largely antisocial userbase needs a way to turn friendships from fedi into real things, but they have no idea how to facilitate irl solidarity or a healthy Discord server or whatever the fuck. Ironically this makes it actually easier to form emotional connections with people on here because we're all stuck here together, but these emotions aren't based on any actual social interactions. When she posts good etc etc

Like on the surface--what the "town square" model is really for--we see people posting about their ideological contours. Their edges. Where they end and not-them begins. What subversion looks like is posting more mundane things, random things that you might experience during typical social interaction with them. Yet replying to such posts in kind breaks the code of keeping everything as far away from actual social interaction as possible, so discussions here never really seem to last if they aren't about some contentious topic.

Ultimately I personally feel that this place may have enabled my recent extremely reclusive real-life behavior (though there are of course other factors) and I will be more critical about my engagement with it in the future. Am I just coping about human social interaction feeling like it is inherently unworkable for people like me by blaming it on a specific social network structure? Maybe. Things on here are real, which is why they're even more insidiously fake. In case it wasn't obvious from my avatar I hate everyone else here.

erin,
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

> Yet replying to such posts in kind breaks the code of keeping everything as far away from actual social interaction as possible, so discussions here never really seem to last if they aren't about some contentious topic.

And fuck dude, I think we've arrived at our answer for the question I've been asking myself throughout the two years I've been on here, of how do hellthreads work, and why is it that they're localized to such a small corner of fedi? My hypothesis is that they're a way to make discussions as contentious as possible. If you have all sorts of unsavory individuals in your discussion to the point where even interacting with them is a contentious thing, this barrier has been taken down and you enter into a space where real social interaction could potentially happen. Of course the mass tagging and constant notifications are a secondary means of keeping people engaged.

This is why people I consider antifascist talk about "nazis being nice to them" on fedi. Hell, this could also explain the tankie/MLM posting (very clearly meant to be "problematic" without engaging in anything that could be called bigotry) on xenofemme or more broadly the edgy tendencies in accelerationist circles in general. The shared transgression breaks the surface tension of the timeline.

I personally never really engaged with the "hellthread community" cause a lot of people in there just suck and are uninteresting. I don't engage with people who throw around racial slurs every day, that's just a waste in every regard. In my opinion xenofemme has done a decent job at moving from passive nihilism to active nihilism, moving from an anti-humanist space to a space about anti-humanism. (Even if I, not having much else, am materially inclined towards the former.)

erin, to random
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Who up verbing they object

erin, to random
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Heartwarming: I'm gay and retarded

erin, to random
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erin, to random
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This call is fucking silly dude I put a black skirt on my head and a headband over my eye and was like "Everything sucks I hate computers! The state of the FOSS industry is nightmarish! Masculinity is obsolete, read my paper about it. I'm just like Homura from Madoka Magica"

erin,
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

@nyx T hisi s the beginning of my illustrious cosplay career

lilli, to random
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

today a friend called me impromptu because she wanted to explain to me in great detail the reasons why people have sex and all i felt able to reply was "whenever ive wanted to be that close to someone ive just fantasized about them stabbing me to death and devouring me" 🥴

erin,
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@lilli i never really understood this until i got called killable (honestly a pretty accurate descriptor). inshallah the best cuts of meat on my body will go to the most carnivorous girlthings

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

new post: https://erin-online.github.io/writings/beyond_deduction_and_induction/

you may also notice some other changes to the site

erin, to random
@erin@social.xenofem.me avatar

My experience with t4t so far is that it's mostly consisted of faildaughters looking at girlthings even more pathetic than them and being like "wow.... shes so cool....." in a cycle analogous to AI inbreeding. This is why Halimede was cooking when she said t4t is like incest. This is why Neo-Amazonia is a wildly dysfunctional grid of illusionary girls who don't know what they are. This is why I'm getting worse. And this is why we're all gonna make it

erin,
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havent drawn in a while

erin,
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