@IzabelaKaramia@writing.exchange
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IzabelaKaramia

@IzabelaKaramia@writing.exchange

trans woman, I write good poems, ADHD, autist, type 1 diabetic, love to study languages, dx exocrine pancreatic insufficiency Dec 2022. Runner not currently running because of years being undernourished. Now walking some and feeling better, convinced I will fulfill a promise I made in a poem The Pale Horse

Definitely a fan of Gruyère cheese.
You can never have enough elephants.
I'll close the door behind us, a tiny tap.
It's where museums tuck away the weird.

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IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Dreams were intense and weird.

Forecast says it'll rain today and cloudy with showers tomorrow. Maybe sunshine returns on Thursday. I could use good days of sunshine. Yesterday there was some semi-sunshine getting through thin clouds but not the sunshine I need.

Ginza is such a good sleeping buddy. I love hearing her sometimes making sighing noises in the night because of how comfy she feels.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Feel very hungry. With the rain in the forecast, it might be a day where my primary goal will be eating plenty of calories and feeding the body.

I'm definitely a lot better than 2 months ago but it's a slow and gradual process. I still have to sleep a lot so the body gets time to recover.

For a long time dreams had become fairly sedate, especially with anxiety diminishing greatly after getting through moving.

Now they're ramping up and I wonder if it means something? I don't know but maybe

IzabelaKaramia,
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now the brain has the ingredients it needs to dream intensely even when mostly absent of anxiety.

Dreaming seems to be a cleaning up and restorative process for a person's brain, but a lack of necessary ingredients could prevent that from taking place?

There is so much medical science still doesn't know and its explanatory frameworks and methods create blindspots in diagnosis and possibilities and treatments. Especially with how its model is essentially reactive and not preventative.

IzabelaKaramia,
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It seems that I have put on 2 or 3 lbs the past few weeks and I'm fine with that. It's a good sign that my body is in an anabolic state, that I'm getting enough calories and nutrients, and the body is rebuilding.

I certainly feel stronger, especially the legs thanks to the miles I have walked and cycled.

Still a ways to go until I can start running but I'm on my way.

IzabelaKaramia,
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A few weeks ago I tooted about the time I leaned down over the bed where Ginza was sleeping and kissed her on top of her head and how she reacted to that by waking up, turning her face towards me and giving me a look of "Do that again and I'll swat you!"

As it's turned out she has acclimated to me showing affection that way and also she enjoys doing headbutts with me. I'll lean in with my head and she will headbutt me or sometimes kiss me with her nose on the face.

IzabelaKaramia,
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@ninetiger

It's been amazing to watch Ginza learn ways to show her happiness and affection. You can teach an old feral cat new tricks if you give them love and work patiently with them.

IzabelaKaramia,
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It's becoming very dark outside and the big green blob on the radar is on its way. I don't think I'll be walking or cycling today, gonna be a zero day to use for rest and eating.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Ginza says a dark rainy day like this is a perfect one to cuddle up with a catnip banana and a dinosaur.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Many times people are diagnosed as having alexithymia, an inability to recognize and/or describe the emotions they are feeling. Its Greek roots mean "without words for feelings."

It seems complex to me, an autistic who has an oversized vocabulary in some part due to the fact I was a hyperlexic child who learned to read before kindergarten and the fact I have a great love and curiosity for language, for languages, for words. I have plenty of words. I have feelings.

IzabelaKaramia,
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I also have a strong desire to be careful with my words, to find ones that seem best, though even then later thinking may lead me to wanting to revise them. Of course that's when allistics might suggest I'm simply overthinking things. But is that true? Or is it that they are underthinking things? Why don't they spend more time examining their feelings?

Of course another issue which has made alexithymia part of my life is how much of my life I would be told that I wasn't

IzabelaKaramia,
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feeling the things I would feel, that my descriptions were wrong. If that happens to any person often enough, it will create hesitation and uncertainty.

But here's something I know. All our words are at best approximations and that over time words change and shift in meaning. That is demonstrated over and over in languages and their histories that we know of. Words are symbols but they are only maps and not the actual territory. Those symbols can grow in complexity

IzabelaKaramia,
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when we use metaphorical representations built from vocabulary and grammar. We share those maps with others, but we can't know exactly how others look upon maps or hold those maps or how they might not just look at the map but take it in their hands, put their fingers upon it, use other sensory inputs to make sense of them.

Am I really alexithymic? Or am I just more aware?

IzabelaKaramia,
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I've already eaten 3 meals today. I know what the 4th meal will be later on, so I don't have to worry any about preparation or making it.

Took garbage out to the bin. Wet outside, chilly feeling compared to yesterday which was dry and temps that reached 60F. It's 54F here today.

EricIndiana, to animals
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3 dimensional space is but a construct of the mind

A black cat, leaping down from the top of a kitchen cabinet, stretches to the floor in a black blur. His sister, a white cat looks on from a red bench.

IzabelaKaramia,
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@EricIndiana

How does he even get up there?

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Slowly waking up here. I slept in past 6, although I was awake for a couple of hours during the night and my dreams were weird and at times terrifying near the end.

Still assessing how I feel. Think I feel fine physically, but need more time to assess the brain.

Ginza is thrashing away at one of her cat scratchers.

Supposed to be cloudy but dry today. I hope I can both ride and walk. Last 2 days I've only done rides.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Just going to point out the obvious how it'd be a much better world if we always had Mondays off.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Wondering about this one. Duolingo just told me about outdoor beer in Norwegian. That must mean there are beers considered indoor beers?

IzabelaKaramia,
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I'm starting to feel pretty good now that I've eaten breakfast and fully awake. Very much looking forward to taking a bike ride probably late this morning.

I'm still grumpy about this weather. Sunshine would do my soul a lot of good. The forecast says there might be some of that come Thursday and Friday.

On this day in 2016 I did a 6.6 mile run in the morning and a 4.8 mile run in the evening for a total of 11.4 miles. It was the second day of a 10 day streak where I ran 10 miles each day.

IzabelaKaramia,
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10.7 mile bike ride, unfortunately I never got zoned in while on it because of things going on. On the good side, that caused me to explore a little and visit a couple of places and take a short stretch over rough gravel.

Have eaten a 2nd breakfast and plan to walk when the bolus insulin for that meal has dwindled down. I definitely want to walk after 4 straight days of not going for one.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Took a 2.5 mile walk.

Ginza has decided this afternoon that the best cat toy in the world is a crumpled up piece of paper she can bat around. Who knew?

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Today 7 years ago I put on the first estradiol patch and took a spiro tablet after I picked them up at the pharmacy. I don't take spiro anymore but I've always had at least one estradiol patch on my body since then.

Transition has been both easier and harder than I imagined since then. Easier in the sense of how it's always felt proper for me, I feel better with estrogen than I did with testosterone. I feel more me.

The harder part is the unfortunate ways a cishetero dominated

IzabelaKaramia,
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One good thing about furniture arrangement and decluttering is that it brought my corset back into sight and into my hands, so I've put it on again after more than a month since last time I wore it?

It's been a while. I had thought of it a few times but was never a time when thinking of it that it felt convenient to put it on. But rain is supposed to continue til mid-afternoon and I won't even think about cycling or walking til it starts drying out.

IzabelaKaramia,
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I took a nap. Radar seems to show it'll stop raining soon. After I finish drinking the tea I just made, I'll see about getting myself ready to ride the bicycle, but it's probably only going to be a short ride, 45 to 50 minutes at most.

Not quite as chilly yesterday but still far from what I'd call comfy feeling. But let's get a ride and stimulus in to tell the body to improve.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Can't say it was warm and comfy but it was dry enough and just warm enough that I ended up staying on the bike longer than expected and I went 14.3 miles on it.

Now it's time to heat up dinner and get nutrients in me.

IzabelaKaramia,
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I was so hungry that after eating the main meal, I ate 4 ice cream bars for dessert.

And now I'm shivering cold from eating that cold ice cream. Grrrr and brrrr.

IzabelaKaramia,
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It feels like it really helps my mood to get those bicycle rides that last over an hour. Much like running, it often takes me 40 minutes or more to get to those times I feel zoned into the feel of the effort. That's when it takes on a stim like quality for me and it's as though the dopamine factories are working at full capacity.

It creates a state of hyperfocus.

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