Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 214 , Wednesday 29/05/2024
Up a little later today as Mrs S. was working from home.
Still fighting the agoraphobia , sometimes I wish I didn’t live so very far from my family, they would come round & drag me out.
But they live nearly 100 miles away & have their own lives.
Spent the morning totally indecisive about what to do.
Made some egg sandwiches for me n Mrs S. for lunch , then , as per had to clear up & wash the dishes too.
Ended up reading for a couple of hours then hit Fo4 after lunch.
Went wild & forsook the soup option for tea, in favour of spaghetti hoops with a couple of slices of toast - I really need to break out of the house so I can get some real food !
Final Thoughts.
Stupid brain going nuts about going outside !
I need to get myself out of this current episode , it’s not as bad as some I’ve had , but it is doing my tree in!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Ello sweets 😘
Sorry you're struggling with not being able to get out (and get decent stuffs). I'm even further away so I can't do anything to help, except be here to chat if you'd like...
Hopefully you had a good evening and you're having a good night!
🤗 😘
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 213 , Tuesday 28/05/2024
Up at 6m as Mrs S. was back in work today.
Another day of fighting the agoraphobia & losing . The spectre of the world beyond the front door playing havoc with my mind.
Watching others sally forth, both in analog & digital life makes me realise how far I have to go to get better.
I would go to the GP, but the whole thing over the ADHD assessment has badly shaken my trust in them.
Also I am so very aware of the state of the NHS & I feel that I cannot deny other, more worthy souls their opportunity to get medical help.
So chores are done and now I roam the countryside around Boston in the virtual world of Fo4.
I was analysing my current play style & I am being so very logical about it - for no reason. I need to relax & play the game as I encounter it, instead of maximising companion potential or trying to do stuff in a set order.
Got a new stand for the iPad today , gotta get used to the new layout - it’s more comfortable if a little odd at the moment.
Final Thoughts.
Sometimes my autistic nature makes me miss communication cues. I fail to respond in the way folk expect , sometimes say things innocently that are misinterpreted because there are certain rules that I either don’t know or don’t understand.
I am kind by nature & like to see the best in people, I like to compliment folk, often the old adage ‘it’s nice to be nice’ comes into play.
Sometimes I do not recognise the unseen, unspoken edges of what is acceptable, people have blocked me before today for being too familiar too soon.This upsets me a great deal when it happens. Thankfully it has not happened since I got my diagnosis.
Now I know I am autistic I take steps to try & avoid the more obvious pit falls , but sometimes I forget or get a little over enthusiastic & folk bring me up short. Then I back away & something is lost.
I had hoped that my GP would help me find the help I need but they seem disinterested. For now I am on my own.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Ello sweets!
🤗 We all have good, bad and OK days. It's just how things go I guess...
Try to get the help you may need. You're not stealing it from anyone, as they can also still make their appointment. And you not making one will open op just one time slot, so it's not like no one can come before it after you that day 😉 I know the feeling but if you do struggle, your need for help is just as valid as the need from others. And I guess we'll always have doctors that will disappoint us, especially is #NeuroSpicy people that have a different view on our needs than most professionals have (if that makes sense). If you think you could use help, you do! No one thinks "I think I need help" when they don't need it....
Just my two cents on this. But I totally understand as I also don't like the GP and I have trust issues with docs as well, after so many things doing wrong...
Have a good day sweets, take it one day at a time. And enjoy FO4 in anyway you'd like. It's your game, after all... 😉
🤗 😘 Luv from the silly Pixy and wet kisses from the sweetest brown-haired gall 🐾 💜
@Tim_McTuffty
You're very welcome 🌸 hope it helps. It's just my experience and vision... But if sharing that can help, I gladly do so. 🫂 @actuallyautistic
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 212 , Monday 27/05/2024
Up really early today (05:30) which is ironic because it’s a public holiday & I should have had a lie in.
Hey ho.
Bit of banter on Mastodon - congrats to @dgar for a very respectable 3rd place in #FediVision24 btw !
Binge watched ‘Traces’ series 2 - not a bad series !
Final Thoughts.
I was in quite a dark place this morning & wrote a whole thing on things that triggered me, but I’ve mellowed out during the day.
The upshot of this is that I have gone from epically insightful final thoughts to this ! 🙄🤦♂️ 😆
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Good night master Skwerl 😘 hope you're having a good one! 😁
Hope the writing helped you feel better. And I hope the bins didn't eat you 😉 (so that missus Skwerl won't put you to the street 😉).
Sweet dreams and hopefully I can catch you again in the morning! 🤗 😘
@Tim_McTuffty
Owww and congrats Dgar! I haven't seen the results yet as I've been busy yesterday and then I was exhausted. But a third place out of over 70 entries, that's amazeballs! 😁
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 210 , Saturday 25/05/2024
Up earlier than I wanted, Pavlovian response kicked in 🙄🤦♂️
Went for a walk this morning , the British summer was on its best behaviour & did me proud !
I saw the shadow of a butterfly, not the wee beastie itself, which inspired my muse to spout a little poem.
Tried to sit down for my lunch, first the sky went seriously dark so we had to get out & get the washing in , then the door bell went & the Postie wanted to leave a parcel with us for a neighbour. Then 3 minutes later he was back as the neighbour had appeared at their door !
For Nuggan’s nuts will I ever get this sarnie eaten!
Lunch was finally finished & followed by a lovely coffee 😊
Hovered up then watched ‘Traces’ with Mrs S.
Finished off the evening with some ‘B’ movie.
Final Thoughts.
I don’t write poetry often - but sometimes the urge takes me & I scribble a little nonsense.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Yay for walkies... You know how I feel about good walkies... 😊
And writing can be so relieving when you've been dealing with loads of thoughts and feels.... So hopefully it helps you feel better!
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 209 , Friday 24/05/2024
Up slightly later today as herself was not in the office.
Usual palaver , I make breakfast she makes her snack, I clean up after her.
I was all up for breaking out past my agoraphobia, but once again triggers were pressed & so here I am stuck inside.
I did venture into the back garden to sort out the kitchen compost tub.
Apparently I’m having a chip butty for me tea, I wanted a simple pizza (ham n mushroom ) but her masters voice has spoken & a chip butty it is.
Sometimes I wish I was more vocal, but I hate arguments & I always cave, or on the rare occasions I hold my own I get guilted into feeling that I’m in the wrong.
How do we like our roast squirrel, rare or well done ?
Final Thoughts.
Hey ho - the joys of married life.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Sorry you've been triggered sweets.
While I "miss" being with someone (it has pros and cons), I do enjoy the freedom I have. But having no one at my side can also feel lonely and scary at times... 😔 Guess we need to be very lucky to have it all...
Hope you're having a good night sweets 🤗 😘
@Tim_McTuffty
Glad you're feeling a bit better again master Skwerl!
Don't try too hard... I've been there and I still struggle at times as well.
But I've learned that by "just" being, by "just" being kind and honest, you can be this amazing person. We can't please everyone, but if we please ourselves with our decency, it's a good place to start. 😊
Have a good night sweets 😘
@Tim_McTuffty
🤗 Glad you're feeling a bit better. And yeah, the moments we're on our own can be quite good as we can be ourselves all the way then... 😊
Have a good night sweets 😘
For what sort of toots could I use hashtags like #ActuallyAutistic or the previous two I just used?
I Toot quite a bit about me and my quirky way life. But I never really know if I "should" add any ND hashtags as the "silly" things I Toot about are quite normal to me. If that makes sense 🤔...
I'm proud enough, these days, of who I am. But I wonder if and when it would be good to add some of these tags... Maybe it could help connect with other peeps like me 😇.