This account of a teenager & his family is heartbreaking 💔.
Families raising kids who have violent meltdowns struggle to find support. Kids like this are acutely vulnerable to the influence of anyone who is kind to them & any group in which they find acceptance. For those of us who experience meltdowns, learning to understand & manage our overwhelm & the eruptions it leads to is a lifelong journey. For most of us it’s full of failure & shame. Where & how can we find acceptance & love? How can we learn to be gentle with ourselves?
I think many #autistic folk, especially those of us who grew up undiagnosed & unsupported then raised similarly undx, distressed, overwhelmed & volatile autistic kids while unable to find help, would shudder with recognition at elements of this tragic story.
@26pglt@actuallyautistic don't forget the multigeneration version. An undiagnosed kid brought up by an undiagnosed parent who for related reasons made a poor choice of spouse. I see too many abuser+autistic marriages to think it's accidental. But it's hell on wheels for the kid(s) even if they're NT.
@moz@26pglt@actuallyautistic To be fully transparent, my pool of spouse options was tiny, there wasn't any physical abuse, and I've pegged a couple cultural and gender-related factors that can't be denied.
That said, yes, that aspect of our lives triggered the bulk of my maternal defense mechanisms. I know I could have been a better mom if I'd been diagnosed and been able to manage spoons being backed up by medical pros.
@janisf@26pglt@actuallyautistic I am in the position of suspecting things but having parents who are extremely opposed to anything that might suggest they're defective or broken in any way. One of the fun things they passed down to me... in the "had it beaten into me" sense that was so popular in the 1970's.
@moz@26pglt@actuallyautistic yeah, I'm in the years-long process of trying to get my mom to have her cognitive decline monitored, happens to pretty much everyone, but she won't even make a phone call. it's that same "nothing wrong with me, and I'm insulted you might suggest it" vibe. IMO it's just arrogant (and exactly what needs to be treated) if you think you can outsmart cognitive assessments. It's like she doesn't want her car to be seen at the mechanic's, even for good maintenance.
@janisf@26pglt@actuallyautistic it can also be backstory - I've been diagnosed as definitely not having ADHD (twice! By GPs) and I suspect my medical record still has "drug seeker" on it in big friendly letters.
There's a big gap between knowing there's something wrong and being confident (or even willing to accept) that another round of trauma at the hands of the medical system might help.
@moz@26pglt@actuallyautistic I am so very, very lucky to have such a wonderful GP. She'll back me and give me a referral to a different provider for any reason. I was mis-billed by one, and she just aid, "Try these people." I'm also in a city where there are enough providers to hop around to.
They're not all bad. And if you find good ones and go there, the one square of "free market" that works for consumers should theoretically kick in.
@janisf@26pglt@actuallyautistic yeah, I had an awesome GP for a while but we moved apart. Currently I go to one of those GP factory places where even getting blood tests interpreted is a challenge (they're great at "GP appointment to get blood test + GP appointment for result + GP appointment for B12 shot" but that's about their limit. OTOH they're one of the few to still require masking (I suspect their staff don't like always having covid)
@janisf@26pglt@actuallyautistic the GI is an ongoing process because just as there aren't many ASD-friendly therapists, there's almost no ASD-friendly GPOs or GI specialists. So I get told "you're not reporting symptoms I recogise in a way I'm comfortable hearing so I can't help you".
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