BackOnMyBS

BackOnMyBS, 8 hours ago

yep! that’s how the trap works. a red flag is a red flag no matter how many other green flags there are. this one is clearly a boundary bulldozer. imagine everything the OP in the screenshot had to go thru to block Jessica. yet, she’s still finding a way to contact them. im having flashbacks from this. 😵‍💫

BackOnMyBS, 12 hours ago

The two things that appeal to me about the folding phone are (1) protecting the screen from scratches, especially in my pocket or backpack and (2) that when folded, I wont accidentally touch the screen in a way that will register as a click or swipe. The last one in particular is super annoying to me. However, it doesn’t seem like the technology is ready for this yet since it sounds like the folding mechanism breaks easily. And ofc, I never buy anything Apple.

BackOnMyBS, 12 hours ago

Veritassium has a recent video about some of this that you may find interesting if you haven’t already seen it.

Are you referring to the one titled Something Strange Happens When You Follow Einstein’s Math.

BackOnMyBS, 10 hours ago

It’s neat that you say that about queer spaces! When I was in high school in the late 90s, I was in the LGBTQ club, tho I’ve never identified as LGBTQ. I found myself there because I was part of the outcasts and fell into since they were accepting. It’s like we all accepted and looked after each other.

I appreciate that you pointed out internalizing our difficulties as character deficiencies. I’ve definitely been affected by that and have been working to get rid those beliefs in the past year. I can see the overlap with LGBTQ. Pretty interesting. Thank you very much!

BackOnMyBS, 1 day ago

While your body may not still be developing, you’re not done growing mentally/spiritually yet! Keep on keeping on, fellow audultie ✊

I got diagnosed just over a year ago in my 40s. I was diagnosed as a child, but they didnt tell me. I only realized it once I reviewed my childhood with my autism therapist. Anyway, this meme hits hard every time I have one of those revelations:

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/13162205-2985-46cd-9a4c-52329916ff0a.png

BackOnMyBS, 1 day ago

I was in the US Marine Corps and deployed with the front lines for the 2003 Invasion of Iraq. I never once even considered putting my M-16 on burst. I also had a 240G, which we’re taught to fire in little burts, about the time it takes to yell, “Run, fuzzy bunny, run!” Firing full auto is terrible practice. That Rambo style is for movies. Aiming is nearly impossible because of the tendency for the recoil to push the muzzle up, you’re wasting rounds, and you can also overheat the muzzle, potentially melting it to the point of making the firearm inoperable. Additionally, full auto on a magazine-fed firearm means you’ll have to reload in mere seconds, so the only way that would be helpful for maximum death is with one of those drums, which makes the rifle heavy as shit. Basically, full auto is pointless unless you’re using a firearm specifically designed for that, fighting a military force, have logistics to support your amm needs, and are using a “machine gun” starting with at least a M249 SAW. Even then, anything beyond that would likely require a second person to help.

BackOnMyBS, 1 day ago

thank you very much!!

BackOnMyBS, 1 day ago

Thank you very much! I’ll try this when I get home tonight.

BackOnMyBS, 1 day ago

also known as Zoloft in the US

BackOnMyBS, 3 days ago

I was born, raised, and currently live in Florida. The guavas in Florida supermarkets are closer-tasting to plastic than the guavas I’ve had in the Caribbean.

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago (edited 4 days ago)

Eye contact is particularly interesting to me because it was one of the first things I was ever self-conscious about. My parents never told me I was autistic, though in retrospect, they definitely knew. Anyway, I remember thinking something was wrong with me around late elementary school/early middle school because I couldn’t keep eye contact. I would try but would feel too weird at the time. It was like I would get dizzy, take off to another dimension, and completely miss anything that happened while I was maintaining eye contact. Sometimes, it was so apparent that I was having difficulty in the moment, that other people would notice something was going on with me. I didn’t know what it was and was confused as to how others forced themselves to maintain eye contact so intensely and easily.

I asked a trusted teacher about it one time. She looked pretty concerned and suggested that I look at people’s eyebrows when I talked to them. I tried it, but that didn’t feel right either. What I ended up doing is socializing with people that were okay with me looking off to the side during conversations. Later on when in college and taking classes on communication, I remember they would say that eye contact was an essential listening skill. During these classes, we would have role plays in front of the class to practice conversational skills. I would get stressed whenever these role plays would come up because I knew that it was either (a) I maintain eye contact and not hear the message while I feel intimately violated or (b) I hear the message with impressive recollection but then get criticized for looking disinterested.

• What do you think is the underlying difference that causes autistic people to use less eye contact than others?

The best I can come up with is that I’m hyper sensitive to some sensory inputs, and eye contact it one of them. Eye contact to me is like establishing a direct line from my mind to someone else’s. I feel too much empathy, that it overrides how I am feeling. Vice versa, I feel that the person can feel too much of me, and that is too vulnerable.

• What does it feel like for you?

For me, it depends. If it’s someone I trust very well or am romantically involved with, then I engage in eye contact because it’s super awesome being connected at such an intimate level.

If it’s someone I know and am friendly with, then I use purposeful short glances to see how they’re feeling, especially in moments when they are sharing something that I find their feelings to be important information. If they are sharing something intimate or emotionally difficult, for example a difficult moment that they are experiencing, then I may maintain eye contact a little more until I feel I have a sufficient understanding. It’s like the eyes are the confirmation of or filling in the missing information of what they are saying.

If it’s someone I don’t know, I will barely make any eye contact if at all. Instead, I will look at their mouth. This is especially helpful if there is too much noise because it allows me to lipread. It also gives more information on their emotional disposition than looking at their eyebrows. If I’m too close to them that looking at their mouth would make them uncomfortable, I look off to the sides. I probably come off as completely disinterested, which I am not, but that’s better than eye contact with a stranger.

• How do you interpret other people’s eye contact?

Again, it depends on our relationship. With strangers and acquaintances, it feels completely invasive like they can see the inside of my mind. As a thought exercise, if the options were either to be completely naked or maintain eye contact, I would choose to be completely naked. In some cases, I will turn around enough so that they can’t make proper eye contact, or become so uninteresting or disinterested that they stop. With closer friends, I have no problem if they keep it limited and they don’t expect it from me. With intimate relationships, I expect it. If they don’t engage in it, then I think something is up with them or the relationship.

Does anyone else relate to this?

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

understanding the differences between autism and- ? Other what’s?

Understanding the difference between autistic neurotype and every other neurotype. If you would like, you can choose specific neurotypes or provide education on neurotypes that also share a similar style with eye contact.

Makes me think of The Hypno-toad - www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDsIlAXWORw

lol! Yesss! This is very close to how I experience it. Too overwhelming that I dissociate.

eye contact feels like someone is talking to me, and most of the time it feels like they’re unaware they’re talking, and like they’re telling me intimate details that seem like a bit much to be sharing.

I feel similar! It’s like they are being too intimate. I feel completely uncomfortable with that in the vast majority of situations/relationships. In fact, I accidentally did it at salsa dance class this week with someone I barely know. I have only seen them in dance class once a week for the past ~4 weeks. Anyway, I maintained eye contact because it helped me understand what they were feeling, which was important information while we were learning and executing a complicated move. However, I didn’t just pick up on how they were feeling about the dance. It felt like they were having sex with me with their eyes. I still feel a bit violated by it, but maybe I misinterpreted what I picked up on. Regardless, I am going to make sure I limit eye contact in these situations. It’s too much for that level of a relationship.

I don’t want to look into anyone else’s brain, and I’m really not interested in having anyone looking into mine

From what I can tell, we are pretty similar in regards to eye contact. I found quite validating, so thank you for sharing. Check out my response to this post if you are interested.

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

Thank you! I’m glad we were able to relate on it. I think it’s helpful for self-awareness and developing healthy relationships.

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

Others don’t like me having eye-contact with them, because I’m too intense.

When people have told me that, I think it was because I was forcing myself to maintain eye contact rather than do it naturally like NTs do, so I would do wayyy to much of it 😳, which made them feel uncomfortable. “How do you like it‽” 😆

BackOnMyBS, 1 day ago

To me, depends at how far I am from them. up close, I can only look at one eye at a time. Which eye I choose depends on how much I want to engage. If I want all in, I’m going with the eye they’re using to look at my eye. If I want a little separation, then I will look at the other. Maybe from about 25 feet (7.5 m), I can focus on both eyes at the same time.

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

I hear war drums

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

Not so weird to me or most Cubans, but prolly to the rest of the world: malta with a spoonful or two of sweetened and condensed milk. Pour the malta into a glass, then add the milk and stir until evenly mixed. Drink. If you’re not used to the flavor of malta, this combo may be too much to start off with.

pictures for referencehttps://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/bca5d8cf-7eed-4e7a-aa09-6efaf8a93e10.jpeghttps://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/7087b30e-0643-4633-b4aa-0ad628ecb725.jpeg

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

Vigooooooo 👻

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

“grey hats”

What’s a grey hat?

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

thanks!

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

Share away, please! Btw, I believe everyone has the right to understand in their own way how autism and society interact, so please don’t feel the need to exert too much effort on pedantry unless you really want to. Personally, I appreciate diverse persepectives because I feel it gives me a well-rounded view of the situation. It’s like if we were all standing around an object. I can only see my side, but if we all shared our own perspectives, then we could see 360*.

BackOnMyBS, 4 days ago

better text them first