Can’t say all the effort for people seemed worth it. My anxiety has made me recluse which I’m turn makes it worse. I’ve physically met up with friends only once this year, the last 2-3 I’ve been suicidal, and the last 10 years I’ve been becoming worse. COVID didn’t even feel like it happened, I was already afraid to go outside; only now I had an excuse to not feel as bad or disappointed because I couldn’t go out anyway!
Being 31 and having no way to just join in socially to anything anymore makes it all the bit more crippling. Everyone’s fully established in their friend groups, work, family, children, so on so there’s little time; even if I overcome my anxiety, no one will be there or even know me anymore. I’ve gone several years without a single person attempting to talk to me.
I was heavily abused when I was a child, and was bullied a lot, it already started me off on a bad foot. Celebrated three birthdays with friends my whole life. Any other event? No. Halloween once. I try, and I put effort, but I think my efforts in life aren’t very rememberable it seems. So here I am. It’s a shame, I was sociable and capable when I was younger. Still had anxiety. But I guess I was more naive and didn’t know how easily forgotten all the friendships and events would all be.