Criticizing someone for being gay is like criticizing someone for being straight, or white, or black, or short, or blonde, or left handed, and so on...
These are not things that people choose, concepts that are opted into, or beliefs that are endorsed or subscribed to.
If a person actively chooses to believe in and endorse an idea, opinion, or another subjective concept, then criticism of that choice or idea is, in my opinion, at least valid.
To me, that's a big difference. But I will say that if you feel that you are being unfairly treated then I would open a discussion up with the people who run your server. The great thing about all of this fediverse stuff is that the user community has a lot of power and agency. If your server has rules that you think are dumb or hypocritical, then you have all the power in your hands to get a new server going that better fits the kind of community that you want to see.