Following the seasonal an naturalistic prompts, let’s turn our attention to the weather and, specifically, rain. Write a poem that explores the beauty and tranquility of a rain-soaked garden.
Rain from the great blue into your eyes
I wonder how it feels on your skin
Though seeing you grow is its own prize
Oh tulip, of this wonderful garden
In my world of stone and fast cars
In your intrepid world of blue green
My sky blocks the light of the stars
But your sky is so lovely and clean
I’m sorry for what we’ve done to you
For your ancestors slaughtered
Beneath our feet, we kill your new
And those we leave unwatered
And as our world halts when the rain strikes
Those are the days your kind really likes
I’m sorry I’ve judged, now I beg your pardon
Oh tulip, of this wonderful garden.
Mist-laden air is whisper still,
Softening dawn's tentative light,
A natural temple, awash in silent hymms,
As plants, their colours freshly painted,
Sing thanks to the rain,
Cold air, misty
Saturated colours
Smell of rain and earth
Quiet, still, peaceful
Soft grass is dewy
First poem:
Soft. Silent. Still.
Mist suspended, softening,
Dawn's tentative light,
Rooted to the ground,
Natural beauty in,
Swollen leaves sated,
Colours freshly painted, <- Particularly like this line
Threw out a couple of lines:
Suspended, the world,
Grey laden air,
Second poem:
Mist-laden air is whisper still, <- Particularly like "whisper still"
Softening dawn's tentative light,
A canvas of natural beauty, <- Canvas metaphor doesn't work (plus cliche)
Shiny leaves sated, <- These 2 verses don't fit the rhythm of the first 3
Colours freshly painted,
And so I stand still. <- The previous 2 verses feel like they're building to something, then this line cuts it off. It emphasizes a quiet meditative state by being juxtaposed with the build up. BUT, the word "still" is repeated
** Finally:**
Consider the nature of the space, determine that "temple" best describes the idea, and work in the required rain element.
Abandon the "And so I stand still." line.
Threw out a few more lines:
A natural temple to share the joy of rain with plants,
A natural temple to contemplate,
The joy of rain,
A natural temple crafted by rain,
Plants with shiny leaves sated,
Their colours freshly painted,
A natural temple, too fragile for sound,
Plants adorned by rain,
Their colours freshly painted,
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