I would say that if you’re in a 1-on-1 with someone, it’s just that your goals are different.
You can convince people of things, especially little things, but the higher stakes subjects are difficult because there are strongly felt emotions that go with them.
When you’re debating conservatives into viewing trans people as “just fine, actually,” you’re not really debating whether puberty blockers are safe. You’re debating their own feelings of disgust. Or, their insecurity over their own place in society.
So, with that in mind, you’ll get less purchase from them with statistics, and you might get a lot more by treating them like they’re crazy for thinking any of this is a big deal. Like, they’ve got their whole “you should be racist too” pitch, and none of it is working on you. This can make them feel, for lack of a better term, weak, and that’s useful to you.
And even then, you have to realize that this is a long process. Emotions are not rational, and they will come up again and again and again, and worse, this person is probably member to communities whose sole purpose is to stoke the fires of these feelings—it’s difficult.
But anyway, that’s a long-winded way of agreeing with you, I think. If you can connect something you believe to something they do (the fear of a 1984 government that’ll tell them they can’t use some fertilizer, maybe), you’ll probably have at least a slightly easier time getting them to listen.