My 2nd grade daughter has tested Highly Academically and Intellectually Gifted (HAG in NC). What do I do? Please advice.

wolf_2202, 3 months ago

I was identified as “gifted” in elementary school and was offered to participate in the 4th/5th grade split class. It was an accelerated program where we got to do all kinds of interesting science experiments, read harder and more interesting books, and learn math at a much faster pace than the other classes. I really loved it. The math was super interesting and all my friends were there. If your kiddo is interested in the class and gets along with the other students, I think she’ll do great.

As stated in other answers, the curriculum is significantly less important than your parental involvement. Ask her often what SHE likes most about the program (writing, math, the humanities) and listen, then encourage extracurriculars that conform to those interests.

What I DON’T see mentioned in the comments, though, is the fact that a “gifted” student is a “special needs” student. If your little kiddo is constantly around people that tell her she’s “smart” and “full of potential”, (statements that are undoubtedly true given your circumstances) her expectations of herself will be much higher than those of her “non-gifted” peers. Fulfilling these expectations will take a long time through school, college, and career. In this time, the assurances of her intelligence will seem to ring hollow as the inevitabilities of life take their toll on her development. Even more important than fostering her intellect is fostering her patience with herself. Your kiddo has to understand that it’s okay and natural to fail; and that smart people fail A LOT. “Gifted” students that never learned this lesson tend to burnout pretty early in life.

Anyway, thats enough from me. You’re on the right track in my opinion. Everyone else’s comments have been spot on and I wish I would’ve read this forum post when I was 11.

All the best to you and your kiddo

Fisherswamp, 3 months ago

I agree with the rest of the commenters, ask her what she wants. Smart kids don’t stop being smart just because their classes are easier, and by the time she hits college things will likely even out. I was in a similar situation but really liked my friends, so I stayed where I was and I’m really happy I did. I have lifelong friends and things have really worked out for me.

That being said, if she’s entirely indifferent, and you’re not worried about burnout, it’s always good to help make sure she’s intellectually engaged. I was very bored for most of elementary and middle school, and I do regret that somewhat.

Finally, I will say that my true passions I pursued outside of school. If she has interests, make them accessible to her whether they be sports, chess, programming, dance knitting, science, etc. Find clubs and books.

Shelena, 3 months ago

I did not find out that I was gifted until I was 36. I had a terrible childhood where I was emotionally neglected and psychologically abused, so it is difficult to say what issues that I had were strictly from the giftedness and what of them were due to being abused.

One thing I do know that is likely due to giftedness is that in middle school I spend all my time in class reading comics or other books instead of doing assignments and paying attention to what the teacher was teaching the class. As I got grades that were okayish (not that good, but good enough to pass), this was ignored. In high school I also did the bare minimum that was necessary to pass. I never did any assignments that were not graded if I could get away with it and I often slept during class. They always thought I just was very lazy and they told me this often.

Then I started studying psychology at university. For the first exam, I was very afraid that I would not pass. This was university, so I thought it would be difficult. However I got a 9.8 out of 10. From that point on, I was not able to concentrate and only got grades that helped me to just pass the courses, but not much better. I wanted to do better than that, but I just could not get myself motivated.

All this time I felt very bad about myself. I thought that I was just lazy too. I tried to get myself motivated and do the work, but I just couldn’t. I also felt that the time I was in class was completely useless and that the same was the case for making assignments. It just felt like I was jumping through hoops because, well, those were the rules. I still get angry about that. I wanted them to just tell me what I should be able to do and know in the end and just let me figure out myself how to get there, instead of just doing useless stuff. It was very frustrating.

I had a bit of a breakdown after studying psychology for two years due to my traumatic childhood. When I got better and wanted to start studying again, I went to the study advisor and simply told her I wanted to do something difficult. She told me to try Artificial Intelligence (which back then was something I never heard about). I went to the first lecture and I did not immediately understand what they were explaining. That created a bit of panic at first, as that was a bit of an unfamiliar feeling. All of a sudden, I really had to work for it.

And that is what I did and it was not difficult to get motivated at all anymore. I worked really hard and really did my best. I had an average mark of 8.6 out of 10 in the end for my master’s, which is considered very high. However, most importantly, I was having a lot of fun! I had a lot of energy all of a sudden, I had all these new ideas. It just was a really good time. Learning did not feel like a chore at all anymore. After that I got my PhD and now I am an assistant professor and I hope to become a full professor one day. Once I can do that, I am thinking about starting a whole new career path to keep myself challenged.

I am telling you all this to illustrate what it feels like to be gifted, but having to fully adapt to your environment instead of your environment adapting to you. The psychiatrist that told me I was gifted once said to me “if you have an IQ of 70, people will help you and adapt to you, if you have an IQ of 130, people expect you to figure it out by yourself and adapt to everyone else, even though it is the same deviation from the average.” That stayed with me a lot. Gifted people need help and they get exhausted by continuously being expected to adapt to their environment and having to jump through hoops that were not made for them.

With my experience in mind, I would think it would be best to get you daughter the help she needs, whether that is in a regular school or in a program. Also, it is very important to keep her challenged. If she is not doing well at school, she might not be lazy or not wanting to do better, she just might be very bored and unable to concentrate. If a program is needed to keep her challenged, that might be the best option. However, I think that lots of interaction with people outside of such programs remains important as it teaches you a lot about a variety of other people and how to work with them. I hated my childhood, but that’s something valuable that I did learn.

pixxelkick, 3 months ago

What does she want?

Also keep this in mind: your daughter got to where she is at her current school, so it may not be bad to stick to what’s working.

The vast majority of child success comes from parent involvement, not curriculum.

Basic stuff like participating with them in activities like schoolwork, reading, games, etc is what largely makes or breaks success.

Id start by taking your kid to check out the place, let her see what it looks like, maybe ask for a quick tour.

Then after, ask her what she wants and listen.

If you get her in a better program but she hates it, or it damages your relationship, that likely will be a heavy net negative on her long term success.

An enthusiastic kid in a normal program will typically go farther than an unhappy kid in a premium program.

nieceandtows, 3 months ago

Would it work if we place her in the program and pull her out after a year?

pixxelkick, 3 months ago

Ehh, another big issue is upending their life, frequently changing schools isn’t great either.

I’d say only change schools if she’s enthusiastic about it, and then stick to it even if she’s kinda unhappy after (that’s sorta inevitable, FOMO happens in kids just as much as adults)

Upending her life twice will likely be not great, best to keep things stable.

Unless the school is really bad, you’ll have to use your judgement on that to assess.

ShunkW, 3 months ago

I was in the TAG (talented and gifted) program in school in Ohio. Honestly it was very good for me. I didn’t really fit in with a lot of the other students, but did with the kids in the TAG program. Not saying this is the case for your kid, but a lot of us in the TAG program were not the best social kids growing up. Being around other awkward kids who wouldn’t bully me for being smart was a god send. I’m not sure if this is a thing that still happens in today’s world though.

I do feel like I was better prepared for higher education as well. Most kids in my school ended math education with geometry, but I had the opportunity to take calculus in high school, which was useful for college. I also got to read much more interesting literature earlier. It was more enjoyable and I think it helped me with critical thinking and empathy - the latter of which I struggled with a lot when I was younger.

That’s really all I can offer.

nieceandtows, 3 months ago

Thanks for the perspective! Do you ever feel like you missed out on anything because you went into this program?

ShunkW, 3 months ago

I don’t think so. But I didn’t have to change schools or anything. And some of my classes were normal classes not in the program. So I still interacted with a lot of people. For me it was a net positive, and I heard the same from my friends in the program. Your mileage may vary though.