she doesn’t think I should “this year, but that she may change her mind”.
Wow, she’s so generous, she might still LET you propose to her. Life and relationship is never about one person fulfilling a role for another. She basically wants you to be a knight to her princess. You can’t ever have needs or fears of your own, because she simply is higher up in this relationship. You need to EARN her love.
You don’t want to deal with an entitled person everyday, thats called retail work and people don’t like it.