My boyfriend wants to try and fix things after I told him I was thinking about breaking up, but I feel things are not the same.
This is gonna be a bit long. I’m 25, I’m a trans girl, my boyfriend is 25, he is a gay cis man.
We have been together for 2 years and 3 months. At first our relationship was amazing, nothing to complain, so very loving and sexy and cute. The issue at the moment was his mom, a narcissistic mentally and verbally abuses woman who seems to have hates him since birth. After one year he moved out to a house that belonged to his uncle and another uncle was living there.
Moving was cool, finally we were away from that woman, but his uncle was an alcoholic who drank daily and would get violent and loud when drinking. After a few months, we started avoiding that man while being in the house.
In September of last year his mom died. That woman had serious health issues and was the typo of person that always had a cigar in her mouth, she refused to go to the hospital for an infection and died during an operation.
We waited until another uncle of his came to our city in December, and he moved back to his mom’s house. We thought things would be perfect for now, but now I had issues with him.
Since we were still at the other house where his drunk uncle lived, he started to give me “affection” in hurtful ways, started with tickles, that at first were ok, but later the tickles became a form of punishment, and he has thick fingers and tried to “tickle” me so hard that it really hurts. One day I went to a concert, a local band’s tribute to me favorite band. I told him I would go and asked if he would go, but he said didn’t want to go, so I went alone. The concert was so amazing, but when I came to his place the next day, he was so mad, that pinned me to the bed, he immobilized me with his weight, and started “tickling” me so hard, that I was kicking and crying. Then he started doing something similar for things like promising I would be with him at 3 PM but arrived at 6 PM, or not having money for buying dinner for both of us.
Then the biting started, it also started as something cute, but then he started biting me harder and harder, and then started to do it as another way of punishment.
And he is so possessive, and very jealous. On top of everything, he didn’t want to have sex with me in so many months I lost track of when was the last time we did something.
This week I traveled from my city to the capital city of my country, some people doesn’t like the city, but I do, and ended up staying a few days more than planned, and his uncle was so kind to let me stay in his apartment and help me move around, and in the end he went back to my city with him in his car.
My stay in the capital was amazing, except for how my BF reacted. He got so emotional, so mad, and we almost had a break-up but I had to salvage it because breaking up over text is ugly. I asked him to go to my psychologist together and he refused in a very angry way.
I came back yesterday and went to his house to talk to him. I told him I was seriously thinking about breaking up and listed the reasons why. He started crying, got very emotional, and finally agreed to go to psychology.
But he also said that I’m the only person he was, that he is codependent on me, and without me he would die, literally.
We talked for hours, and got over a few things, but now I kinda feel trap because I still love him and don’t want him to be depressed and die, but I’m not sure I can stay here, I feel like I need a way out. I can’t exist to constantly comfort him when I feel like everything is different now and we have different life goals.
I need some advice please.
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