d

d, 1 day ago to random

The worst part about having kids is how they start to bring their friends over to hang out, and for a few hours you have to pretend you're not some sort of disgusting filth wizard.

d, 2 days ago to random

Me: "Man, I feel like today is gonna be a good day!"
Production Incident I Inadvertently Caused: "hey u up"

d, 2 days ago to random

I have watched the trailer five times already instead of going to sleep. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZrxWFrd1zQ

d, 3 days ago to random

Caught myself writing code in my head in the shower.

d, 4 days ago to random

Just confused Dunning-Kruger with Voight-Kampff, so now I'm even less sure if a coworker is a robot.

d, 9 days ago to random

A tram hit a truck on the main road near us, and the largest tow truck I've ever seen in my entire life showed up to take the truck away.

d, 10 days ago to random

"Using OpenAI's ChatGPT API, iTerm2 can now write commands for you, interpret the output of commands, and guide you towards a goal."

This is why we can't have nice things.

d, 19 days ago to random

Me: "Hey Siri, count down three minutes."
Siri: "For how long?"
Me: "What the hell? Three minutes!"
Siri: "Hello!"

d, 25 days ago to random

You know you must be doing something right if you're upsetting the Nazis.

d, 1 month ago to random

Every time a website asks me to verify I'm human, I'm less and less sure.

d, 1 month ago to random

As someone who once wrote a System 7 INIT extension to make his Colour Classic think it had a bigger screen so it would run Marathon*, I have so much love for people who hack hardware to run software it was never designed for.

• It technically worked, but half of the game was drawn on top of itself.

d, 1 month ago to random

Pretty sure this was my last gaming PC.

d, 1 month ago to random

TFW you realise you're older than Voyager 1, but haven't gone anywhere near as far in life.

d, 1 month ago to random

Which fucking idiot thought it was a good idea to get both kids their own ukuleles?

Oh. Right.

d, 1 month ago to random

Just watched the Final Shape thing and I still can't seem to get my jaw off the floor.

d, 1 month ago to random

TFW your doctor can't find your pulse and you're like, cool, I'm already dead!

d, 1 month ago to random

TIL (via @attacus): the smell around the Vegemite factory here in Melbourne is heritage protected! https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2022/jun/01/smell-of-vegemite-factory-given-special-heritage-recognition-by-melbourne-council

d, 2 months ago to random

Little Kid: "When do we die?"
Me: "...uh, no one knows for sure."
Little Kid: "What day?!"

🫢

d, 2 months ago to random

Convinced the kids to watch The Muppet Show from the very, very beginning (1976) - it's got smoking, a glee club, and the guest star was Juliet Prowse, a dancer born in 1936!

d, 2 months ago to random

Pokémon Go hits differently with an industrial German soundtrack instead of its normal music.

Du hast mich, Pikachu!

d, 2 months ago to random

The Little Kid is sitting in his room, wearing undies, a sequined butterfly mask, and a wooden necklace, pretending to be a doctor. He brings a pair of toy binoculars to my head, tells me my head is covered in blood, and covers my hair in a toy rabbit. I'm not to remove it for three and a half days.

d, 2 months ago to random

The number of times I've come across someone, been excited to try and interview them on my site, and then discovered that they are, in fact, long dead, is not a small number.

d, 3 months ago to random

I worked out what was wrong with the dishwasher, and now I am a God.

d, 3 months ago to random

Had a FaceTime call with my niece who is, inexplicably, 16, and a about an inch shorter than me?

d, 3 months ago to random

I sleep so much better at night, knowing that my friends in America are protected from the dangers of homicidal acorns.