siod

davep, 3 months ago to random

A taxi driver picked up a nun. During the ride, he said to her: “I have a question for you, but I’m afraid it will upset you.”

The nun said, “My dear son, I have talked to all kinds of people in my life. I don’t think there is anything you can say that will upset me.”

“Well,” the driver said, “I’ve always had a fantasy of getting oral from a nun.”

The nun, a bit surprised, said, “That’s fine, my son. I might be able to help, but only if you aren’t married.”

The driver answered, I’m not married!” He pulled over and the nun delivered.

However, when he started driving again, the driver admitted, “I’m sorry, I lied, I am married.”

The nun replied, “That’s fine, my son. I haven’t been completely honest with you either – my name is actually Kevin and I’m going to a fancy dress party.”

sciencebase, 6 months ago to random

deleted_by_author

siod, 7 months ago to random

“OldPlay” 😅 Well, it is my 62nd birthday so that’s about right.

davep, 7 months ago to random

An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.

The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he'd see what he could arrange.

The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?"

"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit," the mortician replied. "His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit."

Albert's wife smiled at the undertaker. "After that," he continued, "it was just a matter of swapping the heads."

sciencebase, 8 months ago to pareidolia

deleted_by_author

davep, 8 months ago to random

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

" Marion .... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit in Yorkshire'.

siod, 8 months ago to random

This is really important. Please forward. How to get your free voter ID for upcoming General Election https://www.gov.uk/apply-for-photo-id-voter-authority-certificate

davep, 8 months ago to random

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been found in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.

sciencebase, 8 months ago to random

deleted_by_author

siod, 8 months ago to random

Here is an activities page to help celebrate the arrival of autumn 🍂 Hope you like it. Shares would be great https://www.simondementia.co.uk/single-post/autumnal-equinox-22nd-september

Radical_EgoCom, 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago) to random

Charlie Chaplin - Final Speech from The Great Dictator