Hey there, thanks for taking time to write here about your life, thoughts and feelings. I’m sorry to hear things are incredibly tough right now.
This book (The Happiness Trap) was recommended to me by my therapist, and I found the practices in there to be very helpful for me (depression). Here’s a free online version.
Among other things, it helped me see my thoughts for what they are: just thoughts. And to not always listen to them. To choose which thoughts I think are helpful, and just acknowledge and then ignore the rest of them ( I was talking down to myself a lot too).
Another thing I got better at with the help of the book is to act according to my values, even if something is unpleasant in the short term (simple exemple : exercise because I value health).
Another ressource that helped me greatly are free and community led gatherings to talk about mental health (and in my case addiction). I used to attend the ones organised by DBSA, here’s the link :