Cop Practices For Long Day of Busting Protests By Beating Teenage Children at Home (thehardtimes.net)
Kristi Noem Saves Face by Claiming Dog She Shot Was Infected with Woke Mind Virus (thehardtimes.net)
Audi and BMW in desperate battle to release most arrogant autonomous vehicle (newsthump.com)
Landlord Forced To Raise Rent Due To Thinking Of Bigger Number (www.theonion.com)
American 18-year-olds stoked to vote in last presidential election (www.thebeaverton.com)
FRESNO, CA – Across the United States young people who will turn eighteen by November 5 are expressing their excitement at being able to vote in the last presidential election of their lifetimes....
J.K. Rowling Explains Goblin Rebellions Were About States’ Rights (hard-drive.net)
Why me arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users is good, but the last regime arbitrarily giving verification to notable Twitter users was bad, by Elon Musk (newsthump.com)
Joe Rogan Experience Podcast Features First Child Guest Alec Jones (lemmy.world)
The ever-unpredictable Joe Rogan Experience shattered another mold this week, welcoming its youngest guest ever: 9-year-old Alec Jones, a fourth grader from Austin, Texas. The episode, which aired yesterday, left audiences both amused and bewildered as Rogan delved into topics including ancient archeology, memories of the Comedy...
Cop Beating the Crap Out of College Student Looking Forward to Two Weeks Paid Vacation (thehardtimes.net)
New York - Local cop Thomas Hannon admitted that he’s excited about his upcoming paid leave of absence once he is disciplined for brutalizing a peaceful protester at Columbia University…
The Onion boutta do whatever tf it wants (lemmy.world)
via Bluesky
Twilio cofounder Jeff Lawson appears to have just bought The Onion (www.businessinsider.com)
$1200 Graphics Card Opens Two Extra Google Chrome Tabs (hard-drive.net)
Dad Blows Through 10 Of Child’s Snack Packs In One Sitting (www.theonion.com)
Area Man Unsure If He's Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied (youtu.be)
'We Support the Right to Freedom of Expression,' Says University Official Who’s Trying to Contact the National Guard (reductress.com)
Columbia University Qualifies That Students Only Allowed to Stage Protest if It’s Quiet and Ineffective (reductress.com)
Local Child Fails to Grasp “Yes, and” Improv Principle, Bores Playmates (lemmy.world)
In a stunning display of comedic ineptitude, a local child has been found to be exceptionally bad at improv during his playtime with friends. The seven year old child, whose name has been withheld to protect his identity, has been reported to consistently fail at the fundamental concept of “yes, and,” leaving his playmates...
Breaking News (theshovel.com.au)
Telstra shares soar to record high
Woman Jealous of Cat’s Health Insurance (thehardtimes.net)
Extra Egg Roll Thrown In By Mistake Becomes Man’s Sole Reason For Living (www.theonion.com)
Boeing Expresses Condolences in Advance of Second Whistleblower's Suicide (hard-drive.net)
This incredible millennial bought their first home just by making a packed lunch every day for a year and buying a winning lottery ticket (newsthump.com)
Steve From “Blue's Clues” Touches Hearts of Millennials by Beating Dan Schneider to Death With His Bare Hands (thehardtimes.net)
Woman Doing Her Best to Like New Taylor Swift Album Lest She Face The Consequences (i.ibb.co)
Facebook Launches “Most Powerful Profile Picture Filter Yet” in Support of Ukraine Against Russian Invasion (thehardtimes.net)
