Grandfather’s Eyes Light Up While Describing Memories Of Old Country Buffet (www.theonion.com)
6 Signs The Exterminator You Hired Is On The Bugs’ Side (clickhole.com)
Harrowing: Listen To These People Talk About The First Time They Ran Out Of Radishes - YouTube (youtu.be)
Trump Just One Indictment Away From Free Hoagie in Courthouse Commissary (thehardtimes.net)
National Anti-Corruption Commission rules that some corruption is cool actually (chaser.com.au)
New President of Mexico Warns of Remorseless Criminals North of Border (www.borowitzreport.com)
CEO Relieved AI Can Never Replace Him If He Already Contributes Nothing To Company (www.theonion.com)
Cult Leader Not Even Charismatic (www.theonion.com)
Senate Passes Emergency Border Funding To Prevent Female Leadership From Spreading To U.S. (www.theonion.com)
Former Disney World Employees Share Their Most Memorable Stories From The Park - YouTube (youtu.be)
‘Money Isn't Everything,' Says Person Who Has It (reductress.com)
In a completely unsurprising story out of Manhattan, NY, the words “money isn’t everything” were just spoken at brunch by someone who, conveniently, has lots of it.
Tragedy Strikes After Malfunctioning Wind Turbine Spills Wind All Over Farmer’s Field (thehardtimes.net)
Jimmy Carter Becomes Second President Convicted Of Felony For Sticking Up Waffle House (www.theonion.com)
John Fetterman Staff Confirm Senator Has Successfully Respeced Entire Character (hard-drive.net)
WASHINGTON – Members of John Fetterman’s staff confirmed today that the Pennsylvania senator has successfully completed a total re-speccing of his entire character, including his personality, policies, and collection of ill-fitted gym shorts....
Man who spent three years screaming “Lock Her Up!” suddenly against the criminalisation of politicians (newsthump.com)
MAGA Supporter Intentionally Gets Another Felony DWI Charge in Solidarity With Trump (thehardtimes.net)
Local Angler Unimpressed by Son’s Tiny Catch (lemmy.world)
In local news, a man’s reaction to his six-year-old son’s excitement over catching a six-inch bluegill has raised eyebrows in the community. Despite the child’s genuine joy and enthusiasm at reeling in his first catch, the father expressed disappointment, considering it a “pathetic” accomplishment....
Nation Shrugs After Hearing Trump Guilty Verdict, Unpauses ‘MILF Manor’ (www.theonion.com)
In Wacky Mix-Up, IDF Attacks Columbia Univeristy as NYPD Storms Gaza (www.duffelblog.com)
U.S. Army Recruiter Has Bound, Gagged Civilian That Teen Can Shoot Right Now If He Enlists (www.theonion.com)
Felony conviction first thing Trump has earned in whole life (thebeaverton.com)
Samuel Alito: ‘I Tried To Take The Flag Down, But My Wife Hit Me. She Hits Me Every Night’ (www.theonion.com)
Ticketmaster Hacker Demands $500K Ransom (Plus $300K Ransom Processing Fee, $220K Ransom Handling Fee) (theshovel.com.au)
From clickhole (midwest.social)
