CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Folks, it is an hour until , your weekly monster movie watch party. If you'd rather avoid a flood of toots about a goofy monster flick, set up a filter!

This week is a doozy, we got GODMONSTER OF INDIAN FLATS! It looks... Uh, bad. God save this vessel and all who sail in her ^^;;;

GMoIF isn't on archive.org, but it is available on YouTube, right over here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgLPOt5TcI8

We start at 9pm eastern! Join us!

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

And now... The Godmonster of Indian Flats. Saints preserve us.

DEEEEEEP HURTING

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Oh that's a nice mountain. Would love to die in a rockslide up there.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

So the choral music... Chosen by the sheep, I'm guessing?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Oh, the casino, he's here to blow his hard-earned sheep ranch salary at the slots.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

ADR recorded in a box of saltines.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Y'know, I take it back, this less like Manos and more like The Incredibly Strange Creatures etc etc.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Man. This place is... uh. Jumping. Really enjoying life, aren't they?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Abraham Lincoln on piano. Man, Lincoln shows up in more of these things than you'd think, huh?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"I'm head of the anthropology division"

You can tell because I Anunciate Distinctly!

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Oh, is he our first victim? Man, this kid had a lousy day, huh?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Gotta say a sheep stampede just doesn't have the gravitas of a herd of cattle.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Eddie's been eaten by floating sheep scapulas.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"We've stumbled on an amazing event!"

It's a loaf of pumpkin bread, man.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"I demanded absolute attention to detail"

Yeah, sex workers are historically accurate!

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

This is... Weirdly pastoral music for a dude hauling a half-human half-sheep hybrid to a research-- ah, there we go, it's the RESEARCH FACILITY that's sinister, right?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

♫ Under pressure ♪

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Hey, someone was a papier mache artist! Aaw :3

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

This movie needs to pick a genre. Is it a western, a monster flick, a polite society thing?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

And now, a horse's ass. You're welcome,

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Sure, just stick YOUR HANDS IN MEDICAL WASTE, why not

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Nice to know Boss Hawg is a people person >_>

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Oh, they have a town goth! That's tough in a western setting.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"You care about your flock, don't you? They're like your children!"

LIKE? LIKE?????

Lady... >_>

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...Are they setting the monster up to be Sheep Jesus? :/

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Aaaand the award for most awkward kiss ever put to film goes toooo...

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"Strong psychic configurations hover over your every action"

Yeah, I've got a crib mobile with quartz crystals in it.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Every time they go to a closeup it feels like they're setting up to take the actor's photo for the Amber Alert notification.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Hey, someone buried styrofoam bones here!

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Oh, they're STINKY BONES

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Jesus! That wasn't a smash cut that was a bludgeon cut!

Give us some flippin' warning before you jump from the outback to the St. Paddy's Day Parade O_O

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Someone needs to introduce this director to the concept of pacing.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Hey, the grifting is historically accurate, too.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...See, this is where really shines in getting me to actually watch whole films. Because if I were watching by myself, I think an extended maudlin fake funeral for a dog would probably be where I turned this turd off.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

If I were to critique this grift, I might say the black armbands were laying it on a little thick.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"That dog could even get a job on TV!"

It'd be a step up in the dog's career for sure >_>

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...The casket barks.

This film is unburdened by dignity.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Sound design by the organ grinder's monkey.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...So it's a sulferous inflatable sheep?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

CHRIST

again, would you please not jump scenes like that, shit's unpleasant!

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Ah, they filmed Mariposa Days '72, huh?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

The pie eating closeups may be worse than the sheep monster :/

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

You- You missed a spot, mister, your beard's gonna be out of square the rest of the day :/

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Man, that moon sure is bright "tonight."

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...The sound cut out?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Oh, it's not just me? Wonder if that's a problem with the original print.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Kinda works better as a silent fi- oh, damn.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Oh, I was wondering when we'd get the hate crime.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"Mariposa, fix my ADR speed, I sound like a muppet!"

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

So is this plot A, B, or C? I'm losing track here.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"You will be risking your lives! While I? Will be risking an almost certain academy award nomination for best supporting actor."

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Ugh. A meal of Trumpian proportions.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"I wish I could have prevented this Barnstable."

But I was too busy causing it.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"Now GO DO
THAT VOODOO!
THAT YOU DO!
SOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEELL!!"

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

God, how many Klansmen do they HAVE in this village?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

This is the most flatulent movie we've ever seen.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"Tis but a scratch."

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"We're lucky Bonanza Days are over!"

Uh... Huh.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Well... At least the effects are so bad we can't actually see what's supposed to be happening.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...Octaman was a lot smoother than this guy.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Again, the director is Trying To Make A Point About Something

God knows WHAT, but he's definitely trying.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR PANIC."

Videodrome will now control all aspects of human life. @_

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

One day this director's gonna connect two scenes in some way. I just know it.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

This movie is just random shit happening for no goddamn reason!

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Huh. Godmonster's kinda caked up :3

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Credit where credit's due, that is way more horses than I thought this project could afford.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

"SOMEONE'S GOTTA GO BACK AND GET A SHITLOAD A' DIMES!!"

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

This is giving me contact embarrassment. :/

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...So the KKK wins? Pretty much a shutout for White Supremacy, then?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Y'got less than ten minutes, movie. That sheep monster better kill everyone in this town square or Imma be mad.

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Not so much a Ballroom Blitz as a Junkyard Jump

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

What IS this?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

...And the monster randomly explodes

What the fuck?

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

We're not getting The End, just a title card that says

...The Aristocrats!

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

I think I speak for all of us at when I say, sincerely,

what the fuck

CactuarJoe,
@CactuarJoe@retro.pizza avatar

Yeah, I'm calling it. That's the worst movie we've ever seen. That was worse than From Hell It Came. It was worse than Octaman. It was worse than Attack of the Crab Monsters.

This was our Manos. Wow.

moira, (edited )
@moira@mastodon.murkworks.net avatar

@CactuarJoe agreed

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • Cinema
  • DreamBathrooms
  • mdbf
  • ethstaker
  • magazineikmin
  • cubers
  • rosin
  • thenastyranch
  • Youngstown
  • InstantRegret
  • slotface
  • osvaldo12
  • kavyap
  • khanakhh
  • Durango
  • megavids
  • everett
  • tacticalgear
  • modclub
  • normalnudes
  • ngwrru68w68
  • cisconetworking
  • tester
  • GTA5RPClips
  • Leos
  • anitta
  • provamag3
  • JUstTest
  • lostlight
  • All magazines
    •