Men Over Thirty. When it comes to dating, what's your age cut-off?

So I’ve got a friend at work; just turned thirty. He’s perhaps not the smartest tool in the shed, and whilst he does look thirty, I think if we were guessing his age by his level of maturity, we’d place him fairly squarely in the 18-22 age range.

Anyway, 30 has had this ongoing thing with this girl at work. She’s 19. He sees nothing wrong with it, and whilst that may be true from a legal standpoint…most of us think it a bit … untoward at best.

This post isn’t about him though. It’s about you. What’s your age cut-off, both high and low for dating?

bionicjoey,

Anyway, 30 has had this ongoing thing with this girl at work. She’s 19. He sees nothing wrong with it, and whilst that may be true from a legal standpoint…most of us think it a bit … untoward at best.

I mean… Are they trying to have a serious relationship, or are they just enjoying banging each other? If they’re both consenting adults, who cares if their relationship is based mostly on sex? Personally that kind of relationship seems very alien to me, but if they’re both enjoying it then does it matter?

leraje,
@leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

If younger than me, not more than 7 years younger. If older, not more than 10. The older limit is ambiguous e.g. 11-12 years for the right person. The younger is not.

southsamurai,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Eh, I dunno. In theory, the person matters more than the age, and I married a woman younger than me by a good margin over a decade ago, so I know that age gaps can be overcome.

That being said, she was still in her mid twenties when we met. So a grown-ass woman, not barely a woman. She has a kid, had worked and gotten partway through college (health issues stopped that), so this wasn’t someone without life experience.

Talking to younger adults can be a chore tbh. There’s plenty that are great, have their self as figured out as it gets, so they’re good company. But there’s plenty that aren’t good company because of pure inexperience. I was a fucking chore when I was in my early twenties, that’s for damn sure.

Realistically, now that I’m about to pass the half century mark, I don’t have the energy to sort through someone that isn’t fully integrated with themselves and ready to be a full partner. If my wife and I fell apart, I probably wouldn’t have the energy to date anyone lol. I can’t imagine settling down with someone that isn’t settled down themselves, so I can’t imagine anyone much under thirty matching with me now.

I wouldn’t reject someone just because of age, but it’s a pretty damn big factor in other traits. Fwiw, I would date about the same years upwards as well. Someone much past 70 isn’t going to be in the same phase of life, but I wouldn’t reject them outright. So there’s that.

AnonStoleMyPants,

For dating probably 25ish. Kinda hard to think people younger than that would be mature enough but who knows.

ObsidianZed,

I’m in a relationship currently and haven’t looked in 7-8 years but hard cut off is obviously 18 (probably more like 21 though). I’m not going to not give someone a chance just because they are a few years younger or older than some arbitrary number.

But realistically I’d want someone close to my age with similar experiences. There’s an inherent connection to be made with someone that grew up watching the same cartoons, having the same toys, seeing technology grow during roughly the same stages in our lives, etc.

I’m soon to be 35 and if I suddenly found myself single, I wouldn’t immediately turn down someone +/- 10-15 years of my age. I fully agree that it’s objectively weird and creepy and would probably feel some shame if I were to try to bring home a 21 year old, but some people you just click with. Though you may always learn that, hey you two are in completely different stages of your respective lives and you just don’t have as much in common at you first thought and it’s probably best to move forward separately. That’s just part of life.

Sorry for the ramble, it’s late/early and I’m still reeling from the time change and in a weird mood unable to sleep.

Anticorp, (edited )

You just said yourself that he’s in the same mental age group as the girl he’s dating. If he hasn’t matured then he’s not going to have any luck with women his age.

jol,

Plus and minus 5 years has always been my range. Lately that extended slightly. Maybe 7 years each way.

ItsAFake,

Some weird old man once told me the rule for dating younger is Half your age plus 7.

Olap,

It works fine in your twenties that formula. 30 dating 22, bit weird. 40 dating 27, umm somethings gone wrong here. A 50 year old dating a 32 year old? 60 dating 37? That’s gold diggers and thai brides, don’t do that

xor,

(age/2)+7 is just the lower limit… anything below that is definitely weird, but above that it’s potentially not…
btw, imagine those age gaps you just listed with a male as the younger one and the woman as the older one… not so automatically terrible that way, is it?

Olap,

Yes, it is

stembolts,

Party #1 is cool with it.
Party #2 is cool with it.
(Uninvolved person bursts from alley)
BUT I’M NOT!

Why should anyone give a shit what the uninvolved person thinks?

You probably have some control issues of which you’re not aware. Do some thinking, explore why you feel the way you do. It could be enlightening for your self-development.

Mongostein, (edited )

Enh, a lot of it depends on how they met, who initiated and how, and so many other things.

Like, I’m 40, I’m not looking for 27 year olds, but if I met a 27 year old woman that I got on really well with and she expressed interest first, why wouldn’t I go on a date with her?

Now if I were a creepy weirdo hitting on every 27-year-old that I see because the “fit the formula”, then that’s not ok.

Crank_it,

I’m late 30’s. Probably 30-50 years old.

GrymEdm, (edited )

People’s brains tend to continue developing until the mid-20’s. Up until then biology dictates that there will be differences in “planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions”. People are different, and developmental factors like maturity can vary a lot from person to person but dating after later 20’s was just so much better I’d need a compelling reason to go younger. It’s really nice to date a reasonable adult, which happens at different ages for different people.

As for high limits, if the attraction is there that’s good enough.

viking,
@viking@infosec.pub avatar

For actual dating, -10 and +5 [I’m almost 40, for reference]. For casual stuff I don’t really have any boundaries apart from legal ones, but now that I’m married, that probably doesn’t apply anymore, if all goes well.

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