I'm the cusp between Gen X and Millennial and realized over the past few weeks that I never say please. I will profusely say thank you and sorry but please sounds weird and almost childishly simplistic and awkward.
I never ask for things, I tend to ask if something is possible. After that I thank them if that is possible. Even at a restaurant I couch it in "Could I have.." never a "Please give me...".
I don't know what this means. Do I feel like directly asking is imposing and I shouldn't presume to be a burden in the first place, and please in this case feels like it applies pressure to me, and I want to give them the easier option to say no. Please feels like a magic word that's harder to say no to.
Still more to think about in this case, because I don't know what this means. I'm a terrible saleman and terrible at asking people for things. I've been on youtube for 13 years now with 800+ videos with a book to sell for 3 and my patreon has only seen a max of $50 and my book has sold maybe 150 copies max. I know Amanda Palmer wrote "The art of Asking that I should probably read some day, but blunt or pressured asking feels like I think I deserve more than I do. It feels gross to do. I don't think I'm as bad as The boomer women mentioned here but it appears to be a thing with our society and the only people who seem to do well are the people who are good at both bluntly asking and selling themselves, which feels so cringe and arrogant to me. But then again people like doing things for other people and are drawn to people with confidence, either arrogance or not.
Still lots to ponder and reflect on here. Is this a US thing? Is this a generation thing? or is this just a type of person thing? I have no idea.
♲ beige.party/
@anubis2814@RickiTarr That sounds like a linguistic shift to me. I'm substantially older than you, and now that I think about it, I rarely say "please" anymore. "Could I have..." or similar conditionals is probably just the way to ask for something politely now. Maybe a real linguist could weigh in.
@CurtAdams@RickiTarr Yeah I was thinking that too. The fascinating difference is between say Chinese (or at least certain regions) and Japanese. Japan will use wide strings of honorifics while Chinese families don't even use please or thank you with each other. Its just implied. Several Indians have reported that they move to the states and then thank their parents for things and the parents are insulted because to than its just a natural part of being a family and puts distance between them. Though I've seen this take place in anime when the parents are from very rural areas.
@RickiTarr@CurtAdams Yup, it feels too stuffy and formal to say you're welcome. Many have shifted to using "My pleasure" which sounds really cringy, probably because I first heard it used at a chick-fil-A and it sounded saccharine and forced, emotional labor, plus growing up in a hyper religious evangelical KJV only family, pleasure almost always referred to something sexual so it had many negative layers to it.
I'm on the previous cusp and I say "please" all the time, constantly, in the "yes, please" context, but not in the "Please give me a..." because that just sounds awkward and always has.
@anubis2814 I'm a Cusper too! And yes, very similar experience. I often feel stuck between my Southern/Midwestern upbringing, and my exuberant feminism.
@RickiTarr And I'm on the autism spectrum, and am very blunt about everything else, but still terrible at asking in a forceful way which apparently people feel more compelled to give if you don that, which makes me feel manipulative.
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