Since getting COVID multiple times, I get tired - as in, suddenly, seriously tired - even more easily than before. And I feel mentally foggier more of the time too. It feels almost constant. The depression is worse. I know it's not much compared to what some people are going through, but to me right now it feels like a lot, too much, because I don't know how I can keep working in this industry when I get tired and dizzy so easily now.
I wanted to get the fuck out of tourism finally and do something cool - maybe research vessels, or some kind of humanitarian aid. But I feel like doing anything but clinging on with my fingernails right now is as likely to happen as me sprinting up the side of a mountain.
The collapse is happening so fast now and I feel swept away in it. Not rooted, not resourced, not brave, not connected to anything. I wanted to be better than this. Maybe it's time to start looking for some small way that exiting this world can do some good, instead. I am not needed here. I got nothin.
