Do you wish you were cis? Why or why not?

Or in other words, do you wish you were born “fitting in” to the society we live in? Why or why not?

This might be a divisive question so please remember to be civil and respectful.

I believe we should all be proud of our trans identities and how they help make up the beautiful complex people we are, but with rising transphobia around the world, we’ve been pressured to hide this aspect of ourselves and even feel shame or internalized transphobia. It’s important to keep in mind that transphobia and bigotry are learned traits. Not something people are born with. Our society as well as influential people in our lives shape these viewpoints out of fear and lack of understanding.

I think this is why so many of us that fall under a binary trans umbrella (including myself) are overly concerned with passing in public. Or “presenting as cis” vs being comfortable with where we are in our process.

Does being concerned with passing mean we wish we were cis? Or is it more of a self defense we have developed to keep ourselves safe even if that means going “stealth” and hiding big aspects of our identity?

What are your thoughts? Do you wish you were cis instead of trans? Why is that?

**EDIT: When writing and thinking about this post, I did not fully consider how different perspectives may view this question. I wrote it using my own experience as a mostly binary trans woman and in turn it excludes a lot of non-binary perspectives.

I apologize for excluding any of our wonderful transiblings from discussion. I’ll keep this in mind moving forward and love each and every one of you!

All the love, -Olivia**

Smorty,

Would love to be cis, cuz I don’t want others to have to perceive me differently and adapt to me (and not adapt in some cases)

ada,
@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

No desire to be cis. I want to be more queer, not less :)

DiscordMod1990yyyyx,

I wish to be normal

apotheotic,

I am so proud if who I am, I love myself, I’m proud to be trans.

I absolutely wish I was cis. I wouldn’t have to have costly treatment to present the way I want to present. I would have gone through the right puberty, I wouldn’t have spent decades of my life with rampant dysphoria and confusion

wazzupdog,

I’ve never heard this question, so I’ll give my answer. I’m non-binary, that being said I don’t know that being cis is an option for someone like me. I personally don’t know that i like the question because it implies trans folk are binary (based on biological sex[yes i understand it’s more nuanced than that but that’s another topic]). I’m very happy with myself and being non-binary, if it were possible for me to be cis, then yes i wish i was.

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Ya know, I hadn’t considered it could be interpreted as exclusionary to non-binary people. I am truly sorry that I didn’t more thoroughly consider how this might be viewed from different perspectives.

I’ll try and clarify it to be less binary. Personally, I was thinking of it more in the terms of “Do you ever feel like you wish you were born for the society we live in”

So basically, how do you feel about your trans identity.

I hope that helps ❤️ much love

-Olivia

wazzupdog,

Thank you, i understand the sentiment, but phrasing is a fickle thing. To be truly accepted by society as a whole would be bliss. i am who i am nobody can take that from me.

good_girl, (edited )
@good_girl@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

every time i see this question asked, my answer is “Maybe?”

I don’t think I’d be the same person, but i know that person I’d be instead would feel substantially better than how i feel now. i would probably not have met my friends i have now, and i would probably have never met my current girlfriend.

But at the same time, I don’t think I’d trade the world for this adopted family I’ve made, and being trans gave me the opportunity to find empathy for so many people that deserve all the love in this world. 🏳️‍⚧️

plus it’s never going to happen unfortunately, so part of me hates wasting emotional energy on the thought when i could be using that energy mourning the childhood I could have given myself. (half joking)

MxRemy,

I don’t think I’d want to be cis. Being part of a marginalized group, with all the pain that entails, has made me a more empathetic person. I would like to pass for cis at least a little better though. Partly for survival reasons, but also there’s definitely some kinda internalized transphobia or something mixed in there that I should work on.

kittenzrulz123,

I’m Transneutral so no I wouldn’t want to be cis

zea_64,

If I could keep the identity but lose the pain, I’d do that, but asking if I’d rather be cis (after I’ve started feeling good in my trans identity) is the same as asking if I’d rather be a different person. I can’t even imagine being a different person because I’m currently me, so that’s an unanswerable question.

If you asked me before I really internalized the identity though, I would have viewed being trans more as a thing that happened to me rather than who I am and so I would have answered yes

OrnateLuna,

For me it really doesn’t matter, bc most of the challenges I face (and to a certain extent all trans people) are bc of society treating trans people like shit

If society treated trans people with respect and care then well I would just have an annoying medical condition which is fine by me

Tho I absolutely see and understand why someone would wish they were just born cis, tho I imagine society not being trash to them would also go a long way in lessening that desire.

Also to give my answer to your questions, I don’t think being concerned about passing has much to do with wishing to be cis but more to do with wanting to be treated with respect and kindness. From what I have seen people talk about the major things for wanting to be cis is having a strong desire to have the same anatomy as a cis person and not having to deal with immense dysphoria (obviously society being shit is also a big thing but if that were not the case then the previous reasons would be the main reason for wishing to be cis)

crazyminner,

I’m neither here nor there. Either way I would be a person.

I just wish I didn’t have to go through all the trauma. Living life on hard mode sucks.

femtech,

I would like to not have to diolate and take hormones. I know periods are rough and I had ulcers and cramps as a kid till I got away from my mom but i don’t need to be cis, just if technology was to the point for ovary implants and stuff.

Borger,

I don’t think it would change my day-to-day life now as a transitioned, largely stealth, reasonably happy person. However, I’d still say yes for 2 reasons:

  1. First puberty was jarring and made irreversible changes to my body that I don’t like. The experience was traumatic and it’s something I really wish I could live without
  2. My gonads making testosterone would be much more convenient than relying on my memory/discipline lol

I may have said no if I got puberty blockers in my early teens, but I was nowhere near that privileged.

fadingembers,
@fadingembers@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I don’t wish that I were cis, but I do wish that I went through the right puberty. I don’t think that my childhood would change at all really had I been cis. I had best friends of all genders and played with whatever toys I wanted, whether it was Barbie or Lego. Where things really started sucking and I feel like I lost out a ton of life experience in general was going through my absolutely agonizing puberty. I became very isolated and depressed and have been coping ever since.

A huge part of my desire to pass is for safety. At the present moment, if I lived in a society that was completely accepting of trans people I’d say it wouldn’t matter nearly as much to me.

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

So for me, it seems to depend a bit on my mood. I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted to be cis as a boy. Just wanted to know why I was different from other boys but I always admired that about myself.

I feel like being a cis woman would be great on days when dysphoria is hitting hard but generally I am happy to finally know what made me “different” all my life. I like that I’m trans because it’s been a big part of my identity even before my egg cracked.

The path my life is on is hard and can feel impossible, but also I love that I better understand my self and don’t limit myself to a binary understanding of gender.

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