Krrygon

Krrygon, 21 days ago

Huh, a long faucet ad in Vietnamese posted to the Star Trek lemmy community. How in the world has this come to pass? lol

Krrygon, 1 month ago

I had this building feeling that it was something I wanted for myself, and it was growing for a long time as I came to understand more about my identity. I was also deeply afraid though, so I totally get what you mean. I thought that I’d have to commit all the way from the get-go, and that sudden physical changes would mess up my life.

I talked with a transgender friend of mine, and he reassured me that it was ok not to know my destination, and I could just start E on a low dose, go slow, and see how I feel. It’s a lot less frightening when you know you can change your mind whenever.

I just ended up finding that the longer I was on it, the more like “myself” I felt, and that point where I changed my mind never came. It is so much easier to get started on something big like transitioning if you take it a tiny bit at a time and check with yourself to see if you’re still on the right path for you.

Krrygon, 1 month ago

Oh my! Unexpected frost is the last thing you want. I’m glad you’re prepared though, seems like those plants are in good hands!

I just finished planting a bunch of melons and amaranth yesterday. This year, I’m intent on harvesting amaranth seeds and doing my best to make some edible bread out of the flour! We’ll see how it goes. We don’t have the biggest garden this year, but we have enough to keep us busy. Been fun, so far!

Krrygon, 1 month ago

Those are great nails!

Krrygon, 1 month ago

This is true. I remember one product called Femboy Tummy Pills that was just poison. I just had my HRT checkup, and I forgot to ask about prog so I am impatient lol. Might be best just to wait, thanks!

Krrygon, 1 month ago

Gotcha gotcha. Did you have an easy time getting a prescription for it? I have heard some health workers are hesitant to prescribe it because of the lack of clinical studies regarding it

Krrygon, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago)

My dark and brooding backstory? Idk how deep to go into it, but I can give the cliff notes of what lead up to my transition. (It ended up longer than I expected, apologies)

All my life, I’ve had a deep admiration for women. I didn’t actually have a sexual awakening until I was like 22, so very late compared to most of my friends. I just felt this extreme envy of the opposite sex, and I was like “this must be what other people mean by attraction” lol. I spent most of my years feeling like I didn’t fit into my box. When my dude friends talked about girls, I just could not relate at all. I couldn’t get into the macho, masculine role it seemed like I was supposed to fill. I did musical theater in high school, and was exposed to the wider gamut of gender expression and sexuality through it, since in my experience theater communities tend to be pretty diverse in that way. I saw friends transition, but I didn’t think it was something that was actually possible for me.

When I became an adult, moved out and was living with friends, that’s when something inside me clicked, the hormones turned on, and I was overwhelmed by a new side to life I hadn’t previously been experiencing. I got on dating apps, went on many dates, had one or two short term girlfriends, but I found that my heart just was not in it. I liked girls, and still do, but again I felt like something about this dynamic I was inserting myself into wasn’t fitting.

During this period, I also spent a lot of time on grindr talking to various dudes and meeting up, having encounters, etc. Grindr is a wretched place but it felt like a very low-stakes environment to experiment with all these new feelings I was having. After a while, I found that I still couldn’t shake the feeling that people were expecting things of me I just couldn’t gel with. Like “if only I could have gay sex, but like, as a woman, you know?”

I found that I was so much happier with myself when I got rid of all my body hair. For some stupid reason though, I thought my friends would judge me if they saw me like that, so when we made water related plans I would get anxious and let it grow out until that event was over. I felt like I had to balance the times when I could be myself with the times I needed to fill the expectations of people in my life.

All of this time, I was DEEPLY unhappy. I had been unbelievably anxious and struggling with major depression for most of my life, and so around a few years ago I started to seek help and try to improve myself. I got therapy, learned I was experiencing OCD, got medicated, and suddenly didn’t feel insane all the time. I made new friends, filled my life with social events, and felt less alone. I tried new substances, accidentally had an extreme mushroom trip, and felt a strange, detached clarity I didn’t imagine was possible.

All in all, I started to live happier, and no longer caught up in these wells of depression from which I could not escape. Finally I was unburdened by baggage that had been weighing me down for so long, and with my newfound clarity of thought, I could start looking at my life and piecing things together. I’d had the DIY HRT resources open on my computer for a whole year, but now I had the mental fortitude and courage to do something about it, combined with a support structure I felt confident in. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood and I never looked back.

Finally I feel like I “fit.” I can be myself all year, and not have to worry about if I’m not performing masculinity enough for the people around me. I just feel myself, and I feel free. I have never been happier.

Krrygon, 1 month ago

What’s your story, cowboycrustation?

Krrygon, 1 month ago

I am about eight months into medically transitioning, mtf. Over these last few years, I have been on a journey of taking better care of myself and becoming healthier, happier. I was working out really consistently, and I started to see myself developing a muscular dude body, and I kept looking in the mirror like “I should be happy about this, but I am actually getting further away from how I feel inside.” That’s when it ocurred to me that I have been trying to fit into a box all my life that I don’t fit into, and I started thinking about transition.

This last year has easily been the happiest of my life, and the changes I see in myself bring me joy instead of dysphoria. Not a regret in my mind

Krrygon, 1 month ago

That’s really awesome to hear that your depression dialed down so soon after starting T! It’s funny how that works. I have never been happier than when I started E. We switched hormones in opposite directions and both of us ended up happier haha.

I get what you mean about that dread of heart disease. When I started hrt they kept telling me that it might make me get blood clots and die lol. It didn’t happen, at least not so far, but some of those side effects they tell you are quite scary

Krrygon, 1 month ago

LMAO, yeah it felt a lot like that. I also felt very silly, like, whoops I guess I was coming at this aallll wrong.

Thank you! Trans joy does kick ass.

Krrygon, 1 month ago

Funny that there were four cis men and exactly zero cis women. Our community is out of balance!

Krrygon, 1 month ago

Binary trans woman, here 🫡🏳️‍⚧️

Krrygon, 1 month ago

There’s quite an imbalance! I wonder why that is

Krrygon, 2 months ago

For me, the biggest hurdle was reconciling the changes I wanted to see in myself with the fear that they’d destroy the life I already had. I wanted to start HRT as soon as possible, but I was worried that developing visible breasts would cost me my job and my relationships with my family. I wanted to be referred to with different pronouns and a different name, but I was worried I would be “asking too much” of my friends, and demanding too much attention for myself. I wanted to fet rid of all my body hair, but I was afraid people would react negatively to me when we go out swimming, etc.

I found that I was making bigger deals out of these things than they really were. I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded by people who love me, and so the fear of rejection was really something I was just generating in a vacuum. I still have a job I love, and nobody treats me differently with a more feminine appearance and bra lines under my shirt lol. My friends were immediately accepting of my identity, and more than happy to call me whatever I wanted. And truly, nobody gives a fuck how much body hair I have when I go swimming haha.

These fears were things I just had to tackle one at a time to overcome, and it was really hard for me. In the end though, I am so much happier having pushed through them to live as myself, finally.

Krrygon, 2 months ago

Woohoo! Congratulations, that’s so exciting! Glad your wait is nearly over 🤘

Krrygon, 2 months ago

Wow, they both look fantastic! I’m envious of your skills

Krrygon, 2 months ago

Genius frog invents accessorizing

Krrygon, 2 months ago

They look sooooo happy!

Krrygon, 2 months ago

Thanks for posting the map! Looks like here in central washington, I am out of luck haha. Better luck next time, I s’pose!

Krrygon, 2 months ago

I’m stupid and I was like “WHOA free sample eyeshadow at 5:00am? Where at??” And theeeen I got it lmao

Krrygon, 2 months ago

SO true. I need my twelve hours!

Krrygon, 2 months ago

My week was pretty good! I posted about it, but I came out to my mom a few days ago and it went pretty well. She sent me a very sweet message last night to let me know that her and my dad will support me however I choose to live my life, and that they love me dearly. Feeling very good about that.

Now that I have told everybody imoortant in my life, I’m feeling free in a way that I haven’t previously. I’m living Unchained™, pretty cool.

Also me and some friends went and got gel nails this week, and they look lovely! Got my brows waxed, too. A good week indeed.

Hope you all are having a great one, as well!

Krrygon, 2 months ago

Thank you! Yeah, it has certainly removed a looming anxiety from my life. Feels good to be able to talk with them about what’s really going on with me, and not have to filter anything out.

I hope you had a good week, too!