Lumelore

Lumelore, 2 months ago

If you can afford it, try to see a therapist instead. In the long run you’ll probably save money doing that rather than using illicit drugs.

I used to sh frequently when I was younger. I got put on antidepressants and I’ve been a lot better since. I think it’d be really beneficial for you to have even just one session with a therapist.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I had that same issue. My therapist wanted me to go socialize and for months I couldn’t do it. I got increasingly depressed and eventually couldn’t deal with it anymore and I said fuck this, I’m tired of feeling this way. So I decided that I was going to socialize in the next opportunity I got.

Idk if this happens to you, but when I’m depressed I become extremely nihilistic and that gives me a huge confidence boost. It puts me in a mindset where I feel like nothing matters, and that also temporarily gets rid of my insecurities. I would go and talk to people while in this state and I was a bit awkward at first, but eventually I got the hang of it, and I’ve built up a lot of confidence by doing that.

I think one of the big things for me is that for a long time I’ve always wanted to feel in control. Anxiety is caused by the fear of the unknown and being in control eliminates the unknown. The thing is though, you’re never really going to be in control. Accepting that I am not in control and just letting go has helped me significantly. Now I feel like I’m just along for the ride that the universe is taking me on and life’s been a lot more enjoyable since I made that realization.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Same. I got suckered into it too when I was around 11 or 12. I was very lonely and spent a lot of time on youtube then. Youtube kept recommending me far-right content despite me never showing interest in it previously and eventually I decided to watch it. I got sucked in deep for a few years. It didn’t help that I live in a rural area, and many of the people I see irl are bigots.

I’m not proud of myself for get suckered in, but I am very proud of myself for getting out of it. When I was around 14 I started deeply questioning my religion. My parents had me going to a gender separated catholic school about once a week and I absolutely hated it. I started skipping class and this gave me a lot of time to think about things. At this time I parted ways from both religion and conservatism.

After leaving conservatism, I became a neoliberal, and then gradually moved further left until I became a socialist when I was 15. I also got my first phone and I ended up downloading reddit where I saw egg memes and other queer content for the first time in my life. A year later and my egg cracked. It took my parents a while to come around to it, and I wasn’t able to get HRT until turning 20. I am now almost 8 months on e and I am very excited to try prog soon. :3

Unfortunately though I still live in a rural area with a bunch of bigots, and I still have no irl friends since it’s mostly just grumpy old farmers where I live. Once I graduate from college I hope to move to the cities and have a much better life.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Not paying for the resources that I collected to survive while crash landed on an alien planet.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I’m a trans woman and I honestly think that I very well may end up having to hide myself in my parents attic or something.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Subnautica.

Very simple screen with the title sitting on top of deep blue water. It’s actually kind of relaxing.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I’ve thought about this too. Being that many people in the West are christian, I’m thinking part of it is the power hierarchy in the bible (men -> women -> children).

I think part of the hate that trans women get is because people see them as men who are forfeiting their power and moving down in the hierarchy. With their understanding of the world, they are unable to understand how gender and sex are different. This leads them to thinking the actual reason for their transition is so they can go and do perverted things because they don’t understand why they would give up their power as men.

With trans men, it makes more sense to them because they are moving up in the power hierarchy. They do not think that trans men are transitioning because they are men, but because they want more power, which they see as admirable.

Why mainstream media ignores trans men I think is because they don’t view them as threats like how trans women are viewed. Wanting power is seen as a normal and admirable thing by many in the hellscape we live in and thus trans men aren’t “ragebaity” enough for the news or they just choose to focus on trans women because they are way more “ragebaity” and controversial than trans men are.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I tried it just for fun and it underestimated me. I’ve been on e for 7 months so my breasts are still growing and I currently have D cups, but the tool said mine would be B cups.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Thanks :3

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Honestly pretty decent. I’ve been kinda busy the last few days but I was finally able to relax today. The website I’m making is nearing finished. I just have to make the pages on social and medical transitioning, and then I’ll publish the site.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

It could be a variety of things, it’s hard to know exactly from just the pictures, but some reasons why they could be drooping is them not getting enough light and/or too much water. I always repot new plants that I get especially if they don’t look healthy just to check for any rot or fungus and I like to put them in my own dirt too. You can remove the dead leaves if you’d like, but I’d leave the green ones be.

Also don’t water them when you repot since I’m guessing that they did get too much water, unless the dirt is very dry then they were probably underwatered in which case water them.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I’m a trans woman and I started to express my self femininely when I was just a toddler. I grew up in a rural area where I was always told that I am a boy and that I will grow up into a man who will have a wife and many children. I genuinely had never heard of queer people until I was tween, when my peers started using gay as an insult. If I had been taught about queer people when I was a kid, I definitely would have realized that I am trans then, and I wish I had been because being raised as a boy when you are a girl is extremely traumatic.

People can be born with all sorts of strange and terrible conditions, but somehow there are people who think babies can’t be born with a brain that is a different sex than their body. Either that or they think the body should take precedence over the brain which is insane considering only one of those is sapient.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I have a few memories from when I was somewhere between 2 and 4. One is of my sister getting some makeup (I think it was eyeshadow) for Christmas and I remember being very interested in it and trying to put it on.

Another is that I always loved hanging out in my sister’s room and I remember liking to watch her put on nail polish and I would always ask her a million questions about it while she was doing it. I also liked playing with my sisters old toys more than some of my own. My parents got me toy cars, dinosaurs, and that type of stuff, which I did play with occasionally, but my most played with toys were my sister’s old dolls.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I mean, be who you want. You can totally be AMAB and feminine and not be trans. I’m not telling people to “pick a side” or anything, just because we share similar experiences and I’m trans and you’re not (I assume), that doesn’t invalidate your existence or anyone else’s.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I tried youtube shorts a few times and it kept recommending me very right wing content including andrew tate. I always swipe away as fast as I possibly can and it still is very insistent on showing me that type of content. Youtube even knows that I am a woman and I don’t watch anything even remotely similar to what it wants to show me so I don’t really understand why it is so insistent on showing me misogynistic content. I guess they just don’t want me to use their platform anymore?

Lumelore, 3 months ago

If you don’t like a video you should just swipe away because the algorithm is looking for engagement and even though disliking it is negative it is still engagement and it will cause YouTube to show that content to more people. It can use your dislike to determine if that video is good or not for people similar to you, so your dislike might change who it is suggested to, but it won’t cause it to be suggested less. At least that is what I have heard, I don’t know if that is actually true.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

If the goal is to prevent this harmful content from being recommended at all then I think it is important to just ignore it. I don’t need to use youtube shorts and if it’s going to be terrible then I’m just never going to interact with it anymore.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I hate when people tell depressed people to “just go work out.” When I was struggling with depression, I could hardly get out of bed and put on a fresh change of clothes, and somehow, they thought that I’m going to go outside and go for a walk! They really need to start with something more realistic like telling them to finally go and brush their teeth, because that is a lot more doable for them, and that still feels good too.

I do recognize that exercise does help. I’m in a lot better place now and I exercise daily, but if you’re asking a depressed person to do that, you might as well be talking to a rock. Also sometimes people are just really depressed, and even if they do exercise, it hardly helps, since exercise probably isn’t fixing the root issue.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I’m curious, did that make you feel better or worse? I used to punish myself by slicing up my forearm and it did make me feel happy even though it was a terrible way to go about doing that.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

The pills are the cheapest form but they carry a higher risk of blood clots especially as you get older, but you should be fine for now. Always make sure you watch out for symptoms of blood clots and go to the ER immediately if you think you have one. I have been told they are quite painful so you will know if you get one. I’m a broke college student so I am currently using pills too. There are also patches which are the safest method to use, although they are also the most expensive.

Today is actually exactly 7 months from when I started taking HRT and I can say you have a lot of positive things to look forward too. Also, sometimes your breasts are just going to hurt which is completely fine because it means they are growing, although I happen to find the pain euphoric. Also during the first few months you might have some depression which is also normal, it’s just your brain adjusting to the new hormones, but it will go away eventually.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I got that info my doctor. He’s an internal medicine doctor so I trust him more than the website.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

You can totally learn how to girl at 30+ and if you want you can go through the emo and punk phase at 30+ too.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, however the second best time is today.

Like you said, you are going to feel ‘naked and exposed’ without your masc at first, but give it a little while and that feeling will go away. When I first wore a dress in public I felt that way too. I thought everyone would be staring at me and ostracizing me, but not a single person did that. I know it’s really scary at first, especially if you are all on your own, but just take baby steps and you’ll get there eventually!

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I do college remotely and the actual university is like 350 miles away, so going to campus isn’t a thing I can do. They use this service called handshake, which doesn’t really work. A lot of the jobs I see on there are scammy ai prompt “engineer” ones. I guess I could talk to my professors though.

As a last resort, I do have an uncle who is a hiring manager and he said he’d hire me if I needed a job but I’d have to move halfway across the country and it also feels cheap so I’d rather not.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Thanks so much for the advice! :)

I was thinking of making a website (a GitHub Jekyll site) to put my resume on (with it also still being available as a document). Do you think that would be impressive or not worth the effort?