Lumelore

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Hey! I’m a trans FOSS enthusiast studying computer science and I hope to be a FOSS dev sometime in the future.

I stay inside pretty much all day. In terms of hanging out irl, the closest I do is vc lol. It actually would be nice to hang out with someone irl though.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I feel like I’m actually in my body. Before transitioning, I would often get this feeling like I was playing a third person game and was playing as someone else’s character. I haven’t felt that once since starting e.

Also, I don’t wake up “pre-sad” anymore and I feel like I don’t really need to take my antidepressants anymore.

Although I also feel sleepier now which I’m thinking is just a side effect of Spiro.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

That’s the one I already have. I was looking for a different website.

Lumelore, 3 months ago (edited 3 months ago)

I already have the ones from this community on the website. I just checked the transfem sidebar and it wasn’t there. I remember the am I a girl site using a bunch of pinkish-red. I also remember they had an “I’m a girl!” button and it would take you to a fake loading screen that took a really long time to “load” and when it did it had a message I think saying something along the lines of “Congrats! You’re a really pretty girl” or something like that.

Edit: I literally just found it on my own. It’s called “Turn me into a girl” not “am I girl?” which is why I couldn’t find it earlier. Remembering that button actually helped me find it.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

You asking me to describe the website just helped me find it. I remembered the button and put that in my search and it came up as the first result.

The website is actually called “Turn me into a girl” and not “Am I a girl?”, which is why I couldn’t find it earlier.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

It seems that’s more for cis people writing about trans people, but yeah I could put it on the website

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I would love it if rage comics made a comeback

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I was 16 when I had the realization. Pretty much all the memories I have from when I was a child are me being sad or angry/frustrated. I had a lot of emotional issues as a child, which my parents and therapists I had couldn’t figure out. I grew up in rural area and had zero knowledge of transgender people until I was a tween, which I discovered via porn and I honestly thought it was photoshop for a good while. I feel like my life would be so different right now if I had just been told more about gender as a kid.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

That’s awesome! Starting e is such an amazing feeling. I’m glad you have such a supportive family!

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I went to Virginia once years ago before I transitioned. I’m from the north and I’m white as fuck and the TSA there was extremely rude to me just because of that. However they were even worse to foreigners. Like they purposely did things to delay them so that they would miss their flight and when other people tried to help those people not miss their flight the TSA would get all aggressive and threaten everyone. It was by far the worse travel experience I’ve ever had and given that I’ve transitioned now I’m never going anywhere even near the south ever again. I feel really bad for the poor souls that are stuck living there.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I never even knew that transgender people even existed until I started watching porn as a young tween. I didn’t even find it by accident I purposely looked up “girl with penis” not having any idea what I would get, and I was quite enamored not long after the first image loaded.

It is entirely up to you to determine who you are. However we can share our stories and provide some knowledge. I think you would greatly benefit from reading the gender dysphoria bible. genderdysphoria.fyi/en/

Lumelore, 3 months ago

When you are doing something for the second+ time, it is quite normal to not have as much euphoria as the first time. When I first bought femme clothes and put them on I felt super euphoric but the second and third time not so much, because it ends up just becoming a normal thing.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I think it would be good to make our own versions of those wikis. Some of those wikis contain links to posts that no longer exist or are age restricted making the information difficult to access for all people. Having similar wikis hosted on lemmy would help solve those problems. I’m considering trying to make some type of resource like that myself.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I’m planning on making a GitHub site that has the resources in it. Idk if there is a better solution that is free. If I wasn’t a broke college student I would have bought a domain for it, but maybe one day in the future I will. When I’m done with it I’ll make a post in this community.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I’m trying to remember how I felt when I was baby trans. I did also explore at a glacial pace mostly because I was afraid of what others would think of me.

I do remember having thoughts that I didn’t want to think about because I was afraid of feeling dysphoric. I kept having these thoughts that made me uncomfortable and I would immediately try ignoring them. Eventually that got tiring so I started forcing myself to think about them. It was uncomfortable at first but they did help me to understand myself better and it meant that I didn’t have these uncomfortable thoughts anymore.

Also, on your bonus thought, I recently realized that in a few years I will have approached the point where I will have nothing else to do. I’m very addicted to the high of gender euphoria so idk what I’m going to do when I reach that point. Like I’m getting my name changed in a few months, and then after that all I have that I want to do is get gender affirming surgeries and change my legal sex. After that, idk if I will just be permanently itchy for more gender euphoria or if my itch will be cured. Anyways, make sure you savor those gender euphoria highs whenever you get them, because after you do everything you want to do, idk if you get them anymore.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

That is a beautiful way to put it

Lumelore, 3 months ago

I’d love to be a mother hen :3. I have a lot of intermittent free time and I spend a decent amount of it browsing lemmy. I was a mod of small subreddit before I migrated here so I have some experience. I don’t have a matrix account yet but I can certainly make one.

Lumelore, 4 months ago

The anxiety is completely normal, I had it too when I went to my first appointment. But afterwards I was sooooooo happy. Glad it went well for you too!

Lumelore, 4 months ago

Something my therapist taught me is to find evidence against my doubt. Sometimes the thought that I am not really a woman and that I should go back to being a guy will pop into my head, and then I remember how happy starting HRT and filing my name change paperwork made me, and it helps that thought go away pretty quickly.

Lumelore, 4 months ago

That poor fuck held on for something, and in his misery he gave me a life worth living, and for that he deserves his respect and honors. I cannot hate him or erase him. He hurt for so long, he wanted an undying death, and I myself gave him his wish.

This like completely describes how I feel about my old self. I was suicidal back then, and I guess in a way my old self did die, although I was reborn as the much happier person I am today. When I look at old pictures of myself I always have this thought of “oh you poor baby” and then I want to hug them and tell them everything will be alright, but of course it’s just a picture and I can’t actually do that.

I have this one picture of me from when I was like 13 or 14, and in this picture I have these terrible patchy mutton chops, an unkempt bowl cut, and the most depressed look ever on my face. I absolutely hate the way I look in the picture, but I kept it anyways because I love the poor fucker that’s in it.

Lumelore, 4 months ago

Also me: a girl

As far as I am aware, it is because lemmy has no flairs, and this makes it easier to look for memes with a specific audience.

Lumelore, 4 months ago

It’s just a meme I made like 3 or 4 years ago because I saw a skin on pmc with a funny name. I really didn’t put that much effort into it. This has a CW for assuming the viewer is transfem because I am transfem and it’s from my perspective when I was an egg. Also I don’t think this meme at all invalidates gender non-conforming people who identify as male. Just because it was intended for a different audience, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist or are invalid. Would making a meme like this targeting gender non-conforming people who identify as male invalidate trans women?

I think what they mean is that trying to argue that a person playing a girl character makes them a girl, regardless of their identity is the part they don’t agree with.

I agree with your statement, playing as a girl character is not what makes you irl a girl. However, this meme isn’t about the character you play as. It’s about the amusing title that the Minecraft skin has, and it’s not a skin I made, so I didn’t choose the title.

It invalidates them because it’s in a sense saying that their actions make the way they identify invalid, that’s what saying someone is trans in-denial does, it invalidates their current identity based on their actions

You do realize that is egg_irl, right? This whole community is about being trans in-denial.

and also kinda reinforces gender stereotypes

I feel like this meme does the exact opposite. Top text essentially says “On the surface I’m a guy” and bottom text essentially says “but actually I’m a girl”. At least to me that doesn’t seem cisnormative.

Lumelore, 4 months ago

The meme isn’t about playing a game as a girl, although I can see how people think that. I made it because I found the name of that skin to be amusing.

Lumelore, 4 months ago

The Zygarde cells are based off of it.