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‘The Onion’ Stands With Israel Because It Seems Like You Get In Less Trouble For That (www.theonion.com)

The past week has shown humanity at its worst: A horrific terrorist attack left at least 1,300 Israelis dead, among them peace activists and even innocent children. The fates of many more kidnapped civilians still lie in the balance. Meanwhile, statements from Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu suggest retaliation…

Naïve Toddler Getting Awfully Attached To 90-Year-Old Grandmother (www.theonion.com)

DAVENPORT, IA—Perplexed by the toddler’s affection for the nonagenarian, sources confirmed Tuesday that local 2-year-old Ava Kerper was getting awfully attached to her 90-year-old grandmother. “She knows the average life expectancy is like, 77, right?” said the sources, who scoffed while watching the child demonstrate...

Study: More Americans Buying AR-15s To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns (www.theonion.com)

WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the enduring appeal behind assault rifle ownership, a Pew study released Monday revealed that more Americans were buying AR-15s to defend themselves from toddlers who found their guns. “Many Americans stressed that they felt safer knowing they had an AR-15 at the ready in case their toddler...

Supreme Court ruling complicates Navajo Nation's fight for more water (apnews.com)

A Supreme Court ruling this week will make it harder for the Navajo Nation to get water from the Colorado River. No one disputes that century-old treaties give them a right to water flowing through their reservation. The court found that the federal government isn't responsible for securing that water for the 170,000 tribal...

Climate change leads to growing risk of mosquito-borne viral diseases, EU agency says (apnews.com)

European Union officials say there is a growing risk of mosquito-borne viral diseases such as dengue and chikungunya in Europe due to climate change. The European Center for Disease Prevention and Control said Thursday that because heat waves and flooding are becoming more frequent and severe, conditions are more favorable for...

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