Starter dead. Battery insufficient to get it moving but will happily make horrible noises. Every warning signal alerted but no precise enough to actually identify the problem.
Usually this points to low voltage coming from the battery, and usually starts happening in cold weather. Bad news is you need a new battery. Good news is they're cheap to install and you get the core charge back.
I always think that when this happens the dash lights and the starter are the ECUs way of screaming. Just all those gates flopping back and forth completely out of sync it just signals everything.
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