@tournesol
I've felt this way too and I'm sorry you're going through it. All I can offer is that if you keep searching you might find a way to put your passion and skills to use in a way you also feel good about.
I've felt super lucky to find amazing paid work at the grassroots org Research for the Front Lines, and we offer opportunities for lots of other researchers to contribute. https://researchforthefrontlines.ca/
I hope you find (or start!) a space where you can flourish!